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Unofficial Mystery Science Theater 3000
Quote List
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"Aaaagh!" -The Headhunters. #605(CatH)
"Abstract expressionism -- it's what's hot!" -Tom Servo. #419(tRS)
"Accept the pain, Frank." -Dr. Forrester. #320(The Unearthly)
"Accident?" "No thanks." -Tom Servo/Joel. #402(tGGM)
"A Centron production -- although we got the idea from another
company, because we're cheating! Thank you!" -Crow. #515(WWWoBW)
"Actually, the Atlanteans are very supportive of referendum bond issues so the
highways will be --" "SHUT UP!!" -Crow/Tom Servo. #516(AfLA)
"A fellow can get used to anything, I suppose." "Yeah. I once ate a
woodchuck!" -Tex/Crow. #201(RXM)
"A fishfinder -- in a hospital??" -Tom Servo. #405(BfAP)
"A friend who can't catch? I don't think so!" -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)
"...a GIR-L?!?!" -Semya. #317(VWatSS)
"A gut-shot model will often hide in the woods for up to three hours..."
-Crow. #603(tDTB)
"Ahhh, 'two scoops of raisins' my ass..." -Joel (as Ken Melrose). #405(BfAP)
"Ah, it's just some kids down there." -Joel (as Ape Sentry). #306(TotA)
"A horticulturalist told me you're the original hybridizer." "Nobody calls me
that and lives!" -Pat/Tom Servo (as Dr. Lorenz). #105(tCV)
"Ah, the classic battle between Evil and -- the narrator." -Crow. #521(SC)
"Ah, the clean smell of kids who know they rule the world..." -Crow. #204(CC)
"Ah, the gripping 'luggage sequence'." "I'm not gonna tell you what happens.
I'm just gonna say, someone's luggage gets lost." -Tom Servo/Crow.
#608(CN:DH)
"Alf, NO!!" -Joel. #407(tKS)
"All I know is that in this outfit I feel like a total femme. And you know
what? I don't have a problem with it!" -Tom Servo. #508(OD007)
"All of the adults in this movie have their own sticks!" -**. #K07(GvG)
"Allow me to knee you right in the groin." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Blair).
#416(FMoOS)
"All riiight! Beautiful maidens in the hands of hideous beasts. This is
my kind of movie!" -Joel. #107(RM)
"All the fats are numbing my emotions." -Tom Servo (as Judy). #610(tVY)
"All these monster fights are rigged." -Crow. #213(GvtSM)
"Almost all of the monsters had their haircuts done that way back then."
-Joel. #312(GvG)
"A lot of villains aren't bold enough to wear clamdiggers." -Mike.
#515(tWWWoBW)
"Alright, we need volunteers to get killed at this campsite." -**. #503(SD)
"Alternate vibrators inserted..." "Hey!! You can't say that!" -Technician/
Crow. #508(OD007)
"*Always* get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power." -**.
#110(RH)
"A marine who says 'Gee whiz'??..." -Joel. #108(SP)
"America is leaning on cheese!" -Crow. #421(MaGG)
"Am I *out of* 'Reba'? Do I *need* more 'Reba'?" "Or *any* 'Wynona'?" -Tom
Servo/Crow. #610(tVY)
"'Anchovies'... He said 'anchovies'." -**. #101(tCE)
"--and a good friend..." -Head of NASA. #201(RXM)
"And as for these phantom 'breasts'..." -Tom Servo. #319(WotCB)
"--and Brinkman..." "--screamed like a baby when we flew off and
left him." -Herringway/J (as Herringway). #211(FSoV)
"And he forced Gramps to drive here? He *is* insane!" -Joel (as Joe).
#404(TfOS)
"And here come the freaks now, look at 'em..." -Crow. #422(tDtEF)
"And his hair was *perfect*!" -All. #105(tCV) et al.
"And I don't want *anyone* strapping *anyone's* hands across *anyone's*
engines!!" -Joel. #322(MN1)
"And in case you're interested, mucilage tastes just like sweet
honey! Mmmm..." -Crow. #308(GvG)
"And I shall be there... bringing you my golden fish." "Oh, wowwww..."
-Morgiana/Joel. #505(tMVoS)
"And Madonna thinks *she's* innovative!" -Crow. #422(tDtEF)
"And make sure that Dr. Takebana doesn't commit suicide." "Phht. Yeah,
he's always pulling that." -**. #314(MJ)
"And no one on Earth will ever know that Santa was kidnapped by
Martians!" "Do you realize what you just said?" -Voldar/Joel. #321(SCCtM)
"And now, for your enjoyment, some suggestive scenes of jets refueling.
Oh-h-h-h..." -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)
"--and she's a space-woman!" "I *knowww*..." -**/All. #316(GvZ)
"...And starring Technicolor as himself." -Crow. #504(SASD)
"And the answer is -- dull surprise!" -Crow. #516(AfLA)
"...And the Lord said DIE CHILDREN DIE!!" -Joel (as the Giant Gila Monster).
#402(tGGM)
"And then what happened?" -Colossus. #605(CatH)
"And there, on the handle, was a HOOK!" -Joel (as Hugh O'Brien). #201(RXM)
"And thus did mighty Samson overcome the Phillistine." "By hitting him over
the head with a sitting stick while wearing a priest costume??" -Tucker/
Crow. #419(tRS)
"And when you pledge to the Soviet Union, you get this nifty tote bag!" -Tom
Servo. #602(IUSA)
"And, with that cryptic comment, I'm going to bed." -Mike (as Dr. Courtner).
#513(tBtWD)
"And you want to *study* this??" -Tom Servo (as Judy). #610(tVY)
"...An entire day spent grooming." -Joel (as Narrator). #510(L:tPH)
"Another Buddhist protesting the helmet laws..." -Joel. #501(WotLW)
"Antigravity! It's not just for breakfast anymore!" -Joel. #111(M02)
"Any fruit to declare?... ANY *FRUIT* TO DECLARE?!?!" -** (as Omega Guards).
#501(WotLW)
"Any moment now, unspeakable horror! Trust me!" -Tom Servo (as Narrator).
#421(MaGG)
"Any movie with 'wok-a-chicka wok-a-chicka' in it is okay by me!" -Tom Servo.
#512(Mitchell)
"A pentagram, and reindeer laughing. You figure it out." -Tom Servo. #521(SC)
"Apes of the oooold west... That's John Wesley Ape, once flung crap at a
man just for snorin' too loud." -Joel. #306(TotA)
"Are the dogs and the shrews friends? Is that what's going on?" -Tom Servo.
#407(tKS)
"Are you mad, Varnoff?!" "What the hell do you think?!" -Prof. Strowsky/Joel
(as Bela). #423(BotM)
"Are you with the bride or the failure?" -Crow (as a Swede). #422(tDtEF)
"Arf-keeba!... Gym-collie!..." -Joel (as Lassie). #510(L:tPH)
"As a scientist, I'm constantly working with materials that threaten life on
a global scale, and, sometimes, they spill..." -Dr. Forrester. #411(tMS)
"As disgusting pigs, they just weren't that convincing." -Tom Servo.
#416(FMoOS)
"As dull as a beige room." -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)
"Ask me about my extra chromosome!" -Joel (as the goofy Dancing Fool).
#112(UY)
"A stranger comes to town, touches nobody's life, then leaves." -Crow.
#609(tSD)
"At least we killed 'em before we stuffed 'em in there." -Crow.
#415(The Beatniks)
"At this point it's more of a Teenage Crime *Ripple*." -Crow. #522(TCW)
"At this point, what's inappropriate?" -Crow. #523(VotG)
"A whole new day of rock climbing!" -Crow. #208(LC)
"A whole new way to love the same old crap!" -Joel. #319(WotCB)
"Bacchus, King of Wine!" "Bud, King of Beer!" -The annoying guy/Crow. #206(RoT)
"Bad movie? You're soaking in it!" -Crow. #402(tGGM)
"Barkeep, could you freshen my date?" -Joel (as Dr. Manning). #421(MaGG)
"Bat Guano!" -Crow. #513-. (Robot Roll Call.)
"Because I kill indiscriminately?" -** (as Bob). #203(JG)
"Because in space, no one can smell your breath." -Crow. #K10(HW)
"Been hittin' the Thighmaster, Torgo?" -**. #424(M:tHoF)
"BEEP plot point BEEP plot point BEEP plot point..." -All. #414(Tormented)
"Beseech this!" -Tom Servo. #411(tMS)
"Better keep digging graves. This isn't going too well." -Joel (as George).
#107(RM)
"Big, should I have not put my head in the driver's lap? Was that wrong?"
-Crow (as Danny). #509(tGiLL)
"Blindsided by another short." -Joel. #406(AotGL)
"Bobby's hopelessly inbred synapses slowly begin to fire..." -Mike (as the
Narrator). #606(tCT)
"Bobby, you're a bad person and nobody likes you." -Tom Servo (as Rocky
Jones). #417(CotM)
"Book of Me, Chapter 4, Verse 12..." -Joel (as Pile-On Pete). #510(L:tPH)
"Booze and I are buying a house together, we're going to move in." -Joel (as
Mitchell). #512(Mitchell)
"Booze really heals!" -Dr. Forrester. #414(Tormented)
"Boy! God sure has a crummy office!" -Tom Servo. #210(KD)
"Boy! He sure is smooth, boss!" -Crow (as a Henchman). #504(SASD)
"Boy, I bet that'd be scary if we could make out what it was." -Crow. #108(SP)
"Boy, it's really *blue* out today..." -Crow. #511(Gunslinger)
"Boy, it's *blue* in Egypt. Bluer than I remember." -Tom Servo (as Dr.
Saknussem). #516(AfLA)
"Boy! Walking on the walls must be a big problem!" -Joel. #109(PMB)
"Brain the size of a walnut..." "The dinosaur?" "No -- the director!" -Crow/
Joel/Crow. #208(LC)
"Brass monkeys, Frank, brass monkeys..." -Dr. Forrester. #521(SC)
"Breakfast is the most boring meal of the day." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"But I kid the potatoes..." -Joel (as Godo). #306(TotA)
"But, keep in mind, I'm intensely stupid." -Crow (as Evans). #406(AotGL)
"But Paris was destroyed in the apocalypse, Winky..." -Tom Servo (as Rocky
Jones). #413(MiS)
"But, Resusci', you *is* a chick!" -Dr. Forrester. #404(TfOS)
"But, Santa, why, *why* are you taking my gun?" -**. #503(SD)
"But there was no monster..." -Narrator. #421(MaGG)
"But -- wait a minute; my head *is* a mass of muscle..." -Joel (as Hercules).
#502(Hercules)
"But, we *are* barbarians!" -Crow (as Ator). #301(CD)
"But you don't understand! I'm a PRINCE!!" -Semya. #317(VWatSS)
"Buzz... this time, try not to make so much noise when you read." -Crow (as
Buzz's Mom). #319(WotCB)
"'By special arrangement'?? What, did they have to get her out of the fourth
grade?" -Joel. #504(SASD)
"By this time my lungs were aching for air." -Crow. #109(PMB) et al.
"By this time my son's lungs were aching for air." -Crow (as Lloyd Bridges).
#523(VotG)
"Can I eat you when you die?" -Crow (as the Moon Puppy). #524(12ttM)
"Can I show you something in a size *me*?" -Crow (as Jimmy). #507(IAmP)
"Can I take your helmet? --Oh! That's your hair." -Crow (as Phil). #417(CotM)
"Can we smoke?" "I don't care if you burst into flames." -Sergeant/Joel (as
Glen). #309(tACM)
"Can we stop for a snack? Dave would have wanted us to." -Joel (as some guy
in the search party). #406(AotGL)
"Can you have a platonic relationship before Plato?" -Tom Servo. #410(HatMM)
"Caution: Filling is hot -- and *alive*!" -Tom Servo. #304(GvB)
"Cavorting really makes you lose your electrolytes." -Joel. #505(tMVoS)
"--celestial body number 105!" "I *knowww*..." -Evil Spacewoman/All. #316(GvZ)
"Cheating is bad. Richard Basehart is good." -Gypsy. #515(WWWoBW). (Also
attributed to Crow. :)
"Chicks love big ducks, let's face it." -Crow. #523(VotG)
"Chili peppers burn my gut." -Rommel. #202(Sidehackers)
"Cigar?" "Why, yes, it is." -Capt. Joe/Tom Servo (as Ken). #310(FA)
"Citrusville, City of Progress! Where everyone is juiced!" -Crow. #207(WR)
"C'mon, I'm huge, humor me." -Crow (as Richard Kiel). #420(tHD)
"Come in -- er, out...???" -Joel (as Kane Merow). #511(Gunslinger)
"Come in, 'Same-Guy'..." -Joel (as Ro-Man). #107(RM)
"Come on, *this* is your mother now. Try her out!" -Tom Servo (as Capt. Joe).
#318(SF:FA2)
"Come on, you guys. It's not a real wedding. Don't cry." "We know. It's
the *script* that's upsetting us!" -Joel/Crow. #105(tCV)
"Commander! The plant is completely destroyed!" "I told you to *water*
the plant!!" -Japanese Solder/Crow (as Japanese Commander). #302(Gamera)
"Conform... conform..." -All. #319(WotCB)
"Congratulations. You are now officially white trash." -Crow. #209(HC)
"Conspicuous consumption makes our love stronger." -**. #524(12ttM)
"'Cornjob'??" -Joel. #312(GvG)
"Correction: You have an hour and 37 minutes to disarm. And, yes, you *are*
up a creek." -The Isaac Asimov Death Satellite. #104(WotPP)
"Could something please just happen!!" -Crow. #504(SASD)
"Could you be a little more vague?" -Tom Servo. #208(KD)
"Could you beat on my chest, please?" -Tom Servo (as Alan). #K09(CP)
"Could you explain again why I do all the work?" -Crow (as Baby Face).
#504(SASD)
"Could you hold that one card up? What's it say? Oh, yeah -- 'Arf!'" -** (as
the Evil Hellbeast). #424(M:tHoF)
"Could you imagine if you were the kind of person who enjoyed this?" -Tom
Servo. #421(MaGG)
"Could you please state that in the form of a desperate cry to God to save
you from an unholy death?" -Joel. #205(RAUSA)
"Could you say that a little more woodenly?" -**. #205(RAUSA)
"Crooks are always dropping obvious clues like that. It's really a
desperate cry for help." -Joel. #108(SP)
"CUT!! Hey, Bela, don't even *think* about it!" -Crow. #423(BotM)
"Cyanide goes to my hips." -Mike. #606(tCT)
"Daddy, there's a boy outside..." -TV's Frank. #301(CD)
"Dale van Sickel! He never made a bad film!" -Crow. #103(MM) et al.
"Dames like her always keep beer around." -Paramedic. #106(tCH)
"Damn! I just injected him with blowfish poison!" -** (as Lee van Cleef).
#324(MN2)
"Damn... I'm just too fat to be climbing a mountain." -**. #101(tCE)
"'Dear Abby: I'm an elderly woman who doesn't enjoy sex...'" -Tom Servo (as
Rocky Jones). #417(CotM) et al.
"'Dear Aunt Nefertiti: Thanks for the socks.'??..." -Crow. #405(BfAP)
"'Dear Diary: Once again the fat guy got the bed...'" -**. #101(tCE)
"Dear God he's unappealing..." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"'Dear Hair Club for Men: I need help big-time...'" -Joel (as bald military
guy). #321(SCCtM)
"'Dear Kids: Shot this guy for you. Ham in fridge. -Mom.'" -Joel. #419(tRS)
"'Dear Santa Claus: Please bring me a little brother.' Oh ho ho ho!
Can do! Can do!" -Crow (as Santa Claus). #521(SC)
"'Dear Skipper: Why haven't you sent help? Signed, The Castaways.'" -Crow.
#106(tCH)
"DEEEEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRTINGGGG!!!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank. #410(HatMM)
"Did he say 'Whopper'? What is that, a pet name?" -Joel. #310(FA)
"Did his head just turn into a big sucker?" -Tom Servo. #509(tGiLL)
"Did I get that right? 'They died on vacation'??" -Crow. #316(GvZ)
"Did I mention I'm Austr-eye-lian?" -Tom Servo (as Gus). #516(AfLA)
"Did I mention my saliva is poisonous?" -Crow. #407(tKS)
"Did I mention that I cried?" -'Morrissey'. #403(CL)
"Did someone say 'meat'?..." -Crow. #309(tACM)
"Did they mug David L. Wolper or something?" -Tom Servo. #602(IUSA)
"'Dish of Ice Cream'?? Don't tempt me!" -Joel. #415(The Beatniks)
"Does it have anything to do with corn?" -** (as the Guide). #K22(LotD)
"Does this bug you? I'm not touching you..." -Crow (as Bat thingy).
#311(ICtW) et al.
"Do I have enough time to beat up the band?" -Crow (as Neil Connery).
#508(OD007)
"Do I please you? Do you find me pleasing?" -Crow (as Prof. E.C. Buehler).
#313(EvtS)
"Dolphins: one of the smartest mammals on Earth. Do they wear pants? No!
But they *wish* they did. That's how smart they are!" -Tom Servo.
#410(HatMM)
"Do me a favor, Frank. Take these oranges and wrap them in this
towel..." -Dr. Forrester. #524(12ttM)
"Don Fido is mad." -Tom Servo (as Mr. Adrian). #209(HC)
"Do not be afraid, I do not hurt innocent people. I have assistants for
that." -Tom Servo (as His Excellency). #306(TotA)
"Do not induce vomiting." "The movie will do that for you." -Tom Servo/Crow.
#207(WR)
"Don't *ever* mention Emerson Lake & Palmer around Gypsy!" -Joel. #313(EvtS)
"Don't give me that 'Woof!' crap! I want an answer!" -Crow (as Genius).
#523(VotG)
"Don't go into that area. There's radiation there." "And, as everybody
knows, it can only affect you if you touch it." -Dr. Hidaka/Tom Servo.
#302(Gamera)
"Don't point that goat at me, it might go off!" -Tom Servo (as Cal). #108(SP)
"Don't talk to me, I'm a high-fashion model from the future." -Tom Servo.
#109(PMB)
"'...don't want to be pleasured by the slave girl'... What was I
*thinking*?!?" -Crow (as Cabot). #519(Outlaw)
"Don't worry, he's as gentle as a kitten." "Yeah, a big, bald, deranged
kitten that could snap your neck like celery!" -Bela/Tom Servo. #423(BotM)
"Don't you *ever* do that again!!" -Mike. #521(SC)
"Don't you *get* it??" -Tom Servo. #K09(CP) et al.
"Don't you *get* it?? The name of this movie is _Death Flight_!!" -Tom Servo.
#K12(SSTDF)
"Do something, Joel! This aggressive niceness is making me feel
really uncomfortable!" -Crow. #417(CotM)
"Double-hi-keeba! Raised you one." -Tom Servo (as George). #411(tMS)
"Douglas was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way." -Tom Servo (as
Narrator). #421(MaGG)
"Do you have anything for a queasy stomach?" "Yes -- this film." -**.
#K12(SSTDF)
"Do you have to bring everything you find in space into the living room?"
-Crow. #104(WotPP)
"Do *you* know? Do *you* know who did it?" -Crow (as Kermie). #605(CatH)
"Do you realize a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?" -Crow. #302(Gamera)
"Do you think we'll freeze to death before the jackals get us?" -**.
#506(Eegah!)
"Do you want to go *faster*? Raise your hand if you want to go *faster*!"
-Joel. #308(GvG) et al.
"Do you want to make people's heads explode? Sure -- we all do!..." -Dr.
Forrester. #511(Gunslinger)
"Dr. Forrester has sent us a TRULY great movie!!" -Crow. #610(tVY)
"Dr. Heimlich: The Early Years." -Crow. #420(tHD)
"Drink it all. Sometimes the poison's at the bottom." -Crow (as Village
Elder). #301(CD)
"Droppo, you are the laziest man on Mars." -Keemar. #321(SCCtM)
"Due to an error, there are still a few of you left alive. We sincerely
apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you." -Joel (as
Ro-Man). #107(RM)
"Duh!... A secret laboratory that makes bowling pins..." -Tom Servo.
#213(GvtSM)
"Earth chair! Earth chair!" -Crow. #103(MM)
"Eddie, Yuri, put on your diving suits and scout out the whole area. You,
put on your diving suit and meet me in my cabin." -** (as Atari). #314(MJ)
"Eehhhh... Could you catch another fish, please?..." -Joel (as some Prole).
#505(tMVoS)
"Eleven dollars went a long way back then." -Crow. #610(tVY)
"El Santa flew 23 missions over North Korea!" -Tom Servo. #521(SC)
"Emotions are for ethnic people." -Crow (as the Narrator). #602(IUSA)
"Enjoy yourself!" "I just did. :)" -**/** (as Touch Connors). #503(SD)
"Even the A-V Club laughs at these guys." -Mike. #606(tCT)
"Even the musicians are mocking this film." -Crow. #210(KD)
"Even these oil fields seem to remind me of her... Can't quite put my
finger on it..." -Joel (as Rommel). #202(Sidehackers)
"Even the *soundtrack* is making coffee!" -Tom Servo. #609(tSD)
"Even though your feet smell like cheese, we prefer to think they smell
like *good* cheese." -Crow. #309(tACM)
"Ever get pieces of flesh caught in your teeth? I *hate* that!" -**. #203(JG)
"Ever tasted human flesh?" -Crow (as Lloyd). #201(RXM)
"Everybody knows smoking kills, but it's cool! What are you gonna do?
Everybody loves tar -- Sure, who doesn't? But scientists have known for
well over a year that it's bad for you." -Joel. #301(CD)
"Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph." -**.
#424(M:tHoF)
"Ever thought of putting two similar sentences together?" -Crow. #408(HU)
"Every mad scientist has one of these speeches." -Crow. #102(tRvtAM)
"Every time I get a boyfriend, he crushes my windpipe!" -Joel (as Marta).
#106(tCH)
"Eww! He's really moist!" -Tom Servo (as Terri). #522(TCW)
"Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice how much you look like
everyone else." -Crow (as the well-groomed guy). #510(L:tPH)
"Excuse me. I'm gonna go toss myself out the window." -Joel (as George
Nader). #420(tHD)
"Excuse me, I've just gotta mate with a Tilt-a-Whirl, here..." -Crow (as
Gamera). #308(GvG)
"Excuse me while I have a strange interlude." -Crow (as Iole). #502(Hercules)
"Excuse me while I kiss this guy." -Joel. #K19(tMEoS)
"Existential void where prohibited." -Crow. #318(SF:FA2)
"'Expandable legbands'? Yes *sir*!!" -Joel (as a Teener from Outer Space).
#404(TfOS)
"Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!" -Crow (as the Narrator).
#510(L:tPH)
"Face it -- he likes blood, but not the way *you* make it." -Crow. #308(GvG)
"*Fear* killed Tolliver." "I thought it was those big guys in the costumes."
-Tom Gregory/Tom Servo. #108(SP)
"Feel free to dig your heel into my groin." -**. #315(TC)
"Feel some malaise, sucka!" -** (as 'Jimmy Carter'). #501(WotLW)
"Filmed in Longtorso-Vision." -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)
"Finish it! Finish it!" -Joel. #104(WotPP) et al.
"First base is LARGER than I remember!" -Mike (as that guy in the cowboy hat).
#523(VotG)
"First rule: No theme music." -Dr. Forrester. #523(VotG)
"Food?!? Is that all you can think of at a time like this?!" "You mean,
lunchtime?" -Judy/Crow (as George). #610(tVY)
"--football practice!!" -Crow (as Cesar Romero). #208(LC) et al.
"For a robot, he's got a really flat butt." -**. #205(RAUSA)
"For the walking sequence, special director Roger Corman..." -Crow.
#318(SF:FA2)
"For this afternoon's show, we'll drown two schoolchildren." -Tom Servo.
#316(GvZ)
"Forty percent of all traffic accidents are caused by women's hinders!" -Crow.
#520(RSS)
"For you folks at home, this might be a good time to go get a sandwich." -Joel.
#202(Sidehackers)
"Frank, does it... hurt much?" -Dr. Forrester. #309(tACM)
"Frank, Frank... Once again I'm going to have to kill you." -Dr. Forrester.
#320(The Unearthly)
"Frank, I'll give you three seconds to stop licking my face." "Count slow..."
-Dr. Forrester/TV's Frank. #601(GT)
"Frank, let's pretend that I hurt you and move on, shall we?" -Dr. Forrester.
#405(BfAP)
"Frank, my towel and your hinder have an appointment." -Dr. Forrester.
#512(Mitchell)
"Frank, quit bogarting that toothpaste!" -Dr. Forrester. #417(CotM)
"Free trial sample! Try *me* for a week!" -Tom Servo (as Cal). #406(AotGL)
"Fries are up." -Tom Servo. #211(FSoV) et al.
"Frolicking has never been so depressing." -Crow. #609(tSD)
"Funny or not funny floating?" -Joel. #201(RXM)
"Gamera is really neat/ Gamera is full of meat/ We all love you Gamera!" -All.
#312(GvG)
"Gamera's dancing go-go!" -Tom. #312(GvG)
"Gardening always takes a back seat to science." -Tom Servo. #103(MM)
"Gee. Ohio looks great after the apocalypse!" -Joel. #501(WotLW)
"Geez, lady, scream in someone else's ear!" -Crow. #406(AotGL)
"Geez... they washed up at a Klingon language camp." -Tom Servo. #605(CatH)
"Gentlemen! Ours is a society based on ancient traditions!" "Really?
I thought we just sold each other fish." -Tom Servo/Crow. #505(tMVoS)
"Gentlemen -- Spill your milk!" -Joel (as Tucker). #419(tRS)
"Gentlemen! We can't *all* be the Honey-Nut Cheerios honeybee!" -Crow (as
Voldar). #321(SCCtM)
"'Get bent!!' Is that official enough for you?!" -**. #205(RAUSA)
"Get me! Sentenced to death and I'm *still* making time!" -** (as Bob).
#203(JG)
"Get out of here -- you disgusting *worrrrrm*!!" -Lara. #519(Outlaw)
"Get over here. We just wanna kill you for a minute." -**. #503(SD)
"Get your shoes on, we're at the monster." -Crow (as Lee). #311(ICtW)
"Give him this. It's raw pork. He'll know what it means." -**. #205(RAUSA)
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you, Frank." -Dr. Forrester. #*
"Glen! Remember *these*?" -Crow (as Joyce). #319(WotCB)
"Go ahead, strip me of my dignity at age four!! --WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING
AT!?!?!" -Joel (as a Kid in the Junior Rodeo). #407(tKS)
"Go bingle your bongle!" -Mamie van Doren. #601(GT)
"Goodbye -- from me and my package." -'Jack Perkins'. #307.2(Daddy-O)
"Good god I'm ugly." -**. #*
"Good god I'm ugly. Scared my own children out of the nursery today." -Crow
(as Alpha). #508(OD007)
"Good thing scientists are such good fighters." -**. #102(tRvtAM)
"Good thing they made everything out of balsa wood back then." -Tom Servo.
#410(HatMM)
"Good thing the Venusians could never get very far from the bathroom." -Crow.
#211(FSoV)
"Gooooood morning..." -Tom Servo. #*
"Granddad's *already* disturbed." -Crow. #308(GvG)
"Great place to die, though. Real spooky!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Manning).
#421(MaGG)
"Gregory Peck -- this week on Solid Gold!" -Tom Servo. #112(UY)
"Grooming is between you and the lord God." -Crow (as the Narrator).
#510(L:tPH)
"Guys, did we just do an After-School Special, here?" -Tom Servo. #402(tGGM)
"Guys, it doesn't get any stupider than this." -Crow. #207(WR)
"Guys, that's not cheese..." -Gypsy. #513(tBtWD)
"Guys, this couldn't be lamer." -Tom Servo. #510(L:tPH)
"Guys, this is offensive on so many levels." -**. #*
"Guys, this is so not-Illinois." -Mike. #517(tBotE)
"Guys, we're in for some deep padding." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"Gymkata!" -Joel. #310(FA) et al.
"Gypsy crushes Joel! We'll be right back." -Gypsy. #415(The Beatniks)
"Hahahahahahahahaha -- YOU'RE STUCK HERE!!" -Captain Joe. #310(FA)
"Ha ha ha ha... We're bald and we're bonding!" -Joel (as Mr. Patterson).
#322(MN1)
"Hand me up that horse!" -Crow (as Atlantean Soldier). #406(AotGL)
"Happy Birthdaaaay!..." -Tom Servo. #112(UY)
"Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this film." -Joel. #408(HU)
"Have I mentioned I'm immense and immortal?" -Joel (as Hercules).
#502(Hercules)
"Have you got the bird of happiness?" "Well, we've got a pretty friendly
chicken..." -Sinbad/Crow (as Viking chief). #505(tMVoS)
"He asked me! He asked me!" -Crow (as Dr. Faroe). #104(WotPP) et al.
"Heck of a lot of glancing going on here..." -Tom Servo. #609(tSD)
"He copied my frigging paper!!!" -Gypsy. #515(tWWWoBW)
"He died as he lived -- lovin' his work. Heh heh..." -Crow. #314(MJ)
"He died as he lived -- with jelly all over his face." -Tom Servo. #313(EvtS)
"He does look like an easy target for thugs. Hell, *I'd* like to beat him
up." -Crow. #509(tGiLL)
"Heeney hiney horny..." -Hiney. #209(HC)
"He enjoys pantaloons more than he should." -Mike. #521(SC)
"He had on a suntan uniform." "You mean, he was naked?" -Penny/Crow (as Bob).
#112(UY)
"He hit Big Jake!" -Big Jake. #202(Sidehackers)
"He just brought the level of discourse *way* down." -Tom Servo. #505(tMVoS)
"He just polygraphed a sandwich! He needs real help!" -Mike. #517(tBotE)
"He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature..." -Peter Graves.
#311(ICtW)
"He'll be riding in the trunk on the way back to Earth." -Crow. #104(WotPP)
"He'll either win the Nobel Prize or the Heisman Trophy." -Crow. #513(tBtWD)
"Hello. Bug lab." -Crow (as Peter Graves). #517(tBotE)
"Hello, this is Pete in props. Don't eat the cake!" -Tom Servo (as Pete).
#415(The Beatniks)
"Help I'm in another dimension!!..." -Crow (as Dr. Courtner). #513(tBtWD)
"Help me." -Blind Guy. #206(RAUSA)
"Help me please!! I'm being attacked by a ham sandwich!!" -Crow (as Semya).
#317(VWatSS)
"He made her bark!" -Crow. #421(MaGG)
"He must devour three times his own weight every day--" "--plus a delicious
shake." -Narrator/Tom Servo (as Narrator). #407(tKS)
"Her back looks like a Klingon's forehead!" -Crow. #209(HC)
"He really reacted to 'Rome'." -Joel. #K19(tMEoS)
"He really sucked the air out of that room, didn't he." -Crow.
#202(Sidehackers)
"Here at Phillips Petroleum, we've found ways to replace the environment..."
-Crow. #401(ST)
"Here comes Nurse-feratu." -Crow. #413(MiS)
"Here, drink this. It'll make you feel American." -Crow (as Chase). #402(tGGM)
"Here in Texas, there is an additional problem --" "-- Texans!" -Narrator/
Crow. #507(IAmP)
"Here -- Let me punch you in the sternum to simulate the pain." -Crow (as
Doctor). #413(MiS)
"Here's a tip: Don't buy the Tommy Kirk Workout Video." -Mike. #609(tSD)
"Here's to risking your life in the name of some national TV exposure." -Joel.
#320(The Unearthly)
"Her pencil's gone again..." -Crow. #423(BotM)
"He's always bragging about his huge stocks." -Mike. #602(IUSA)
"He's a Woozle. His name is Peanut." -Tom Servo. #201(RXM) et al.
"He's been injecting her with young and pretty, now he should start injecting
her with smart and nice." -Tom Servo. #105(tCV)
"He's between a rock and a hard place!" -**. #204(CC)
"He's dead and therefore unable to come to the phone." -Tom Servo (as some
Soldier). #319(WotCB)
"He shoulda slid him *across* the bar." "That hadn't been invented yet."
-Joel/Tom Servo. #511(Gunslinger)
"He's got a figure like Marcia Brady." -Crow. #608(CN:DH)
"He's got an extra Y chromosome." -Tom Servo. #417(CotM)
"He's got a really nice skull." -Crow. #415(The Beatniks)
"He's like an idiot savant -- minus the savant." -Crow. #609(tSD)
"He's not Sinbad..." -Crow. #505(tMVoS)
"He's shooting at a different movie!" -Crow. #423(BotM)
"He's surrounded by adoring housewives!" -**. #506(Eegah!)
"He's the clown who makes the dark side fun." -**. #424(M:tHoF)
"He tampered in God's domain..." -Captain Robbins. #423(BotM)
"He tried to kill me with a forklift... Ole!" -All. #310(FA)
"Hey, can we stop and wrestle now?" -**. #503(SD)
"Hey! Could you get the subplot off the road, please?!" -Crow (as truck
driver). #308(GvG)
"Hey, did I tell you my tires are filled with water?... ... My tires
are filled with water." -Joel (as Arch Hall, Jr.). #506(Eegah!)
"Hey, give someone else a chance in there! What, did you fall in?" -**.
#316(GvZ)
"Hey! How'd he know his name was 'Fella'?" -Crow. #113(BS)
"Hey! I'm sacred; leave me alone." -Joel (as a Cow). #505(tMVoS)
"Hey, it's *my* piece of meat, I'll bite it where I want to!" -Crow (as
Hercules). #502(Hercules)
"Hey, everybody, Tommy's in there crying like a little girl!" -Joel (as
Jonathan). #510(L:tPH)
"Hey -- He made the pool!" -Joel (as Super Dragon). #504(SASD)
"Hey, it's not like it's the end of the world or anything." "But -- it *is*!"
"...D'OH!!" Tom Servo/Joel/All. #108(SP)
"Hey, little girl! Would you like a salted nut roll?" -a Holoclown.
#406(AotGL)
"Hey, look at me! I'm still stupid! If anyone dances with me it's only by
accident!" -Joel (as the Geeky Guy).
"Hey, look -- I found some funny powder!" "Uh, that's mine, just leave
it alone, there..." -Roxanne/** (as **). #212(GvM)
"Hey -- Mom? Tell us about Hell again." -Tom Servo (as Johnny). #107(RM)
"Hey, my sammich is whole again! Cool!" -Crow. #511(Gunslinger)
"Hey -- my eye went straight! Thanks!" -Joel (as Jack Elam). #509(tGiLL)
"Hey, professor! Does this count as a lab?" -Joel (as Mike). #313(EvtS)
"Hey, Servo, tell me again about those mango-juice-rubbing babes..." -Crow.
#K09(CP)
"Hey, stop feeding my bride." -Crow (as Hercules). #408(HU)
"Hey, uh, lady? I'm a nice big pine that you could pray to,
maybe. Maybe!..." -Joel (as Pine Tree). #422(tDtEF)
"Hey! They spent 20 bucks of it on a pizza!" -Joel (as Max). #322(MN1)
"Hey, Timmy, my dad's dead again! Can I come over for dinner?" -Crow (as
Jimmy). #421(MaGG)
"Hey, watch who you call 'impervious', lady!" -**. #110(RH)
"Hey, we can't all notice the same subtleties." -Tom Servo. #413(MiS)
"Hey, we're trying to *duplicate* down here!" -Tom Servo (as Prof. von
Dornheimer (stifled laugh)). #420(HD)
"Hey!" "What?" *BANG!* "Oh!" -John Saxon/Joel (as 'Johhny Mathis').
#512(Mitchell)
"Hey, when I said you could borrow some of my stuff, I didn't mean
my torso!" -Crow. #103(MM)
"Hey, who *hasn't* been 'in the hands of the Queen'?" -Joel. #410(HatMM)
"Hey, you. Come over here and spill some of this in a dangerous place." -Tom
Servo (as **). #K12(SSTDF)
"Hey, you got change for an eight-year-old?" -Joel. #410(HatMM)
"Hey, you got enough sticks in your drawers there?" -Joel. #322(MN1)
"Hey, you've got a snooker down there!" -Crow. #415(Beatniks)
"Hi, honey, I'm smooth!" -Crow (as Super Dragon). #504(SASD)
"Hi, I'm a chocolate bar. Break off bits of me and enjoy me all day long."
-Tom Servo (as Guard Captain). #410(HatMM)
"Hi, I'm dangerous to myself and others." -Joel (as K.Z.K). #304(GvB)
"Hi. I'm intrinsically evil, and I've got a new jogging suit I'm
showing off." -Joel (as J.J. Hubbard). #111(M02)
"Hi! I'm Moisty, the national spokesman for sweat!" -Tom Servo (as sweaty
athlete). #510(L:tPH)
"Hi, I'm selling subscriptions to _Smoocher_ magazine..." -**. #418(AottEC)
"Hi-Keeba!" -Engineer Bradley. #104(WotPP)
"Hiney cubed it again..." -Betty. #209(HC)
"His face makes no sense." -Crow. #520(RSS)
"His head! It was torn off!!" "You say that like it was a *bad* thing." -**/
Tom Servo. #101(tCE)
"His head just doesn't have the structural support for that hair." -Crow.
#510(L:tPH)
"His only crime was being born delicious!" -Crow. #424(M:tHoF)
"Hi. This is the human race. We're not in right now; please speak clearly
after the sound of the bomb." -Crow. #108(SP)
"Hitler -- what a jerk!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Rostov). #208(LC)
"Hi! We came to get Scruffy, our pet lion -- OH MY GOD!!" -Joel (as a Greek
soldier). #502(Hercules)
"Hmm. --I'm sorry, I was just playing a video game in my head." -Joel (as
Capt. Joe). #310(FA)
"Hmmm, look at this. 'White People Voted the Best People in the World'!"
-Tom Servo. #204(CC)
"Hmmm... Looks like a medium-rare porterhouse." -Tom Servo. #302(Gamera)
"Hmmm... This potato's got big ears..." -Crow (as Trumpy). #303(PP)
"_Home Alone 3: The Quickening_." -Mike. #521(SC)
"_Honey, I Shrunk the Nelson_." -Crow. #519(Outlaw)
"Honey, we're at grandma's; put your shoes on." -Joel (as Chuchumi). #308(GvG)
"Honey, why can't you just *once* let me take over the world?" -Joel (as Lee
van Cleef). #311(ICtW)
"Honey, why do we have an oven in the living room?" -**. #506(Eegah!)
"Honk if you love Eegah!" -**. #506(Eegah!)
"Honk if you're indestructible!" -**. #409(IM)
"Hooker's a good cop!!" -Crow. #305(SiS) et al.
"Hope you didn't get any of that tattooed anyplace important." -Joel.
#104(WotPP)
"How about some fresh sliced *me*?" -Crow (as Bakery Driver). #601(GT)
"How about that guy I groined in the knee?" -Tom Servo (as Danny). #509(tGiLL)
"How about you bite me twice?" -Mike (as Kathy Ireland). #516(AfLA)
"How can you not love a skull like this?" -Crow (as Phil). #417(CotM)
"How come they all turned when he said 'Dad'?" -Crow. #406(AotGL)
"How do pop tarts work?" -Joel (as Kay). #317(VWatSS)
"How do we stand on fuel?" "I'm for it." -Lisa/Crow. #201(RXM)
"How do you tell someone they've been dead for a thousand years?" -Crow.
#405(BfAP)
"How'd ya like it if we picked *your* apples?" -Joel (as a Tree). #416(FMoOS)
"How long has it been?" "Hey, that's rather personal!" -**. #*
"How long have you been a Viking?" -Crow (as Tira). #317(VWatSS)
"How many shots of gauges do you need in any one movie?!" "You can *never*
have enough." -Tom Servo/Mike. #606(tCT)
"How much Keefe is in this movie anyway?..." -Joel. #301(CD)
"How's your buddy?" "Kinda personal, isn't it?" -Paisley/Crow.
#202(Sidehackers)
"Huh... Neat." -Tom Servo. #*
"Human Cleaners -- We'll clean your humans overnight!" -Crow. #508(OD007)
"Huzzah!" -**. #K22(LotD)
"I accuse her hair!" -Crow. #507(IAmP)
"I am frank to say, I am puzzled." -Haggar Nu. #413(MiS)
"I... am going... to KILL you! Why? Because you are going to die!" -Crow (as
the Sea Monster). #213(GvtSM)
"I am HOT! I turn *myself* on!" -Tom Servo (as Brasiere). #317(VWatSS)
"I AM IRONMAN!!!" -Joel. #401(ST)
"I am Servotron, destroyer of worlds!" -Tom Servo. #213(GvtSM)
"I am the atomic powered robot. Please give my best wishes to everybody!"
-Minsky the Robot. #504(SASD)
"I *am* the button!" -TV's Frank. #410(HatMM)
"I bet if these guys filmed _Citizen Kane_ it would have had a twenty-minute
sled sequence in it!" -Tom Servo. #209(HC)
"I can see my house from here!" -Joel (as Linda). #104(WotPP) et al.
"I can't believe how really in London we are." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"I can't believe I just said 'codependent'!!" -Tom Servo. #504(SASD)
"I can't believe we're trying to annihilate you -- This is *delicious*!" -Crow
(as a Moon Man). #109(PMB)
"I can't tell you how richly satisfying this is." -Tom Servo. #501(WotLW)
"I care deeply about them as characters." -Tom Servo. #609(tSD)
"I could sure go for a charbroiled hamburger sammich and some french fried
potatoes!" -the White Goddess. #203(JG)
"I crap bigger than this movie..." -Crow (as Jack Palance). #519(Outlaw)
"I'd be relieved if I knew what was happening." -Joel. #417(CotM)
"I 'desire' you to stop singing." -Tom Servo. #415(The Beatniks)
"I didn't know they had plywood on the moon." -Crow. #103(MM)
"I'd like to hit you really hard." -Crow (as Capt. Sherman). #407(tKS)
"I'd like to see you again, lots of times. And then stop abruptly, breaking
your heart like a toy." -Joel (as Bob). #112(UY)
"I'd like to thank the fine people of Seatopia for giving me these totally
useless arms!" -Joel (as Megalon). #212(GvM)
"I'd never wanted to die in a plane, but now I'm very excited about it." -Crow
(as Lt. Wilson). #208(LC)
"I do I do I do I *do* believe in Gaos!" -Joel (as Itchy). #308(GvG)
"I do not know what we are. Perhaps we are gauchos. Ole!" -** (as some guys
in the parade). #503(SD)
"I don't care!" -Johnny. #306(TotA)
"I don't cotton to those long-haired artsy types." -Dr. Forrester. #411(tMS)
"I don't even know how fish work!" -Joel (as Capt. Sherman). #407(tKS)
"I don't get it. Is it cool to make no sense, Joel? Is it hip to be vague?"
-Crow. #107(RM)
"I don't know where my friend went, but -- there's a pile of poop here with
shoes in it!" -Tom Servo (as Itchy). #308(GvG)
"I don't mean to rush you, ma'am, but is this death going to take long?" -Tom
Servo(as a Cop). #522(TCW)
"I don't suppose there's any chance this guy's going to end up under the
wheels of a train, is there?" -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)
"'I don't want to die, I don't want to die'... Look, I got problems too!!"
-Crow. #504(SASD)
"I'd put football pads on and just go up and down the street diving through
plate glass windows!" -Crow. #501(WotLW)
"I'd rather share a needle with Keith Richards." -Tom Servo (as Ken). #310(FA)
"I'd really like to see you rub your forearms together." -Crow (as Peter
Graves). #517(tBotE)
"I'd say Mrs. Butterworth is going to have a lot of explaining to do..." -Tom
Servo. #211(FSoV)
"I'd slap this movie if I could." -Tom Servo. #516(AfLA)
"I dunno, some planet, I think. Supposed to be good for you..." -'The Amazing
Colossal Man'. #309(tACM)
"If Bruce Willis' career continues its downward slide, it could be a setback
to the forces of Evil everywhere!" -TV's Frank. #401(ST)
"If, earlier, he had said, 'I'll never be impaled on my own rack', *then*
this would have been ironic. But..." -Mike. #607(Bloodlust!)
"I feel like a cheeseburger. Would you go make love to the guy at the
Jack-in-the-Box?" -Mike (as Frankie). #609(tSD)
"I feel like a hundred bucks!" -Crow (as Prof. Heracles). #323(CoFM)
"If I knew what was going on I'd really be indignant." -Crow. #403(CL)
"If I'm going to stay down here and thump Number Three again--" "--I'll
need a magazine!" -Kemp/Crow (as Kemp). #111(M02)
"If it takes a plane crash to bring people together, I think it's worth it."
-**. #K12(SSTDF)
"If I were skeptical, I'd say that was Central Park." -Joel. #110(RH)
"If Jack Ruby owned a Denny's..." -Mike. #513(tBtWD)
"If my deepest, darkest despair had choreography -- *this* would be it."
-Tom Servo. #606(tCT)
"If only an androgynous man would come and visit meeeee..." -Joel (as Buzz).
#319(WotCB)
"I forgot -- you're on the 'other side'." "What other side?" "Sauron's dark
army." -Janey/Bob/Crow (as Janey). #112(UY)
"If these people are beatniks then my *mom* is a beatnik and, she's not!"
-Joel. #415(Beatniks).
"If we don't die, you want to catch a movie or something? I mean, if
you're not alive I'll totally understand, it won't hurt my feelings
or anything..." -Joel (as Kemp). #111(M02)
"If you could see my hands right now, you'd be horrified." -Tom Servo (as
Peter Graves). #517(tBotE)
"If you drag out our rotting, broken carcasses, it means it didn't really work
out very well." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith). #108(SP)
"If you find a melody, Sinbad, hop on..." -Joel. #505(tMVoS)
"If you get near a consonant, let us know." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)
"If you're like me -- and I know *I* am..." -Joel. #212(GvM)
"If you're looking for plausibility, you won't find it here." -Joel. #210(KD)
"If you remember that, you have a great weapon!" "I *knowww*..." -Evil
Spacewoman/All. #316(GvZ)
"I give not a crap for thee." -Tom Servo (as Hestia). #416(FMoOS)
"I guess a rocket *is* standard picnicking equipment in Japan..." -**.
#212(GvM)
"I had Jello today..." -Joel (as Dr. Revere). #305(SiS) et al.
"I had this dream once." -Crow. #316(GvZ)
"I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women." -Crow.
#410(HatMM)
"I have named it! It's called *Me*-ite!" -**. #524(12ttM)
"I have never piloted swim trunks before." -Tom Servo (as Derek). #404(TfOS)
"I have never seen anyone so nonchalant about a flying saucer." -Tom Servo.
#K18(TotA)
"I have no clue what you're talking about, but I'm profoundly devastated."
-Tom Servo (as Flannigan). #515(tWWWoBW)
"I have no depth perception; it seems like a normal sized turtle to me..."
-Tom Servo. #K07(GvG)
"I *have* performed surgery once before, and although the patient didn't
survive I feel quite confident." -Joel (as Doctor). #413(MiS)
"I have the feeling one of these characters is about to see their
own intestines." -**. #520(RSS)
"I have the feeling *Satan* would regret making this movie." -Mike.
#515(tWWWoBW)
"I have the feeling we've met somewhere before." "*I* just have the
*feeling*!" -Queen Omphale/Crow (as Castor). #408(HU)
"I have waited until your daughter reached that age, so that my dragon could
relish the flesh of the princess." "Oh, wowwww..." -Basil Rathbone/Joel.
#411(tMS)
"I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere." -**. #322(MN1)
"I hope I look all right for my meeting with the Sun God..." -Crow (as Dr.
Saknussem). #516(AfLA)
"I hope she's into big-assed medallions." -Tom Servo (as Lee van Cleef).
#322(MN1)
"I hope they eat *him* first." -Crow. #523(VotG)
"I hope we've touched you with a little bit of our evilness." -Crow (as the
Narrator). #307(Daddy-O)
"I just ate my own vomit!" -Joel (as Dirk Squarejaw). #201(RXM)
"I just love the whole incoherent _Mighty Jack_ quality of this film." -Tom
Servo. #318(SF:FA2)
"I just never imagined the future being lit so poorly." -Joel. #K21(tLC)
"I just saw half a crab kill a guy..." -Joel (as Commander Yamoto).
#213(GvtSM)
"I just thought I'd take my morning constitutional." "Ewww! Here on the
beach??" -Mr. Duvall/Tom Servo. #204(CC)
"I just want to be Bavarian for one brief, shining moment! Is that
so wrong?!" -TV's Frank. #508(OD007)
"I just want to know if the Lord said it this many times in a row." -Joel.
#402(tGGM)
"I killed it and I'm glad." -Crow (as head of NASA). #201(RXM)
"I KILLED THAT FAT BARKEEP!!" -Mooney. #415(The Beatniks)
"I kinda feel bad about our passions of conquest." -**. #524(12ttM)
"I know all about your Luberia." "Hey! That cleared up." -Morgiana/Crow (as
Sinbad). #505(tMVoS)
"I know a Weiner Man..." -Crow. #111(M02) et al.
"I know how toast works..." -Tom Servo (as Jimmy). #507(IAmP)
"I know what you're thinking -- Did I fire six shots of seltzer or seven?"
-Crow (as Vena). #413(MiS)
"I laughed... I cried... I cried *a lot*!..." -Tom Servo. #K05(GvZ)
"I like Wade, he's just not a dancer." -Tom Servo (as some guy).
#511(Gunslinger) et al.
"'I like you. Do you like me? -Signed, The Minister of Health.'..." -Joel
(as Neil Connery). #508(OD007)
"I like you, Gramps. That's why I'll kill you last." -Crow (as Thor).
#404(TfOS)
"I'll be fine as soon as I scrape my butt off the ceiling..." -Crow (as Chen
Yu (gesundheit!)). #211(FSoV)
"I'll be using this condescending tone until the mid-70's." -Crow (as Chase).
#402(tGGM)
"I'll be with you in a moment, I'm just sealing some fates." -Crow (as God).
#210(KD)
"*I'll* decide if it's a good morning or not!" -Tom Servo (as God). #210(KD)
"I'll give you five minutes." "For what?" "To start running!" -**. #203(JG)
"I'll give you ten dollars every time you don't hit me." -Crow (as Danny).
#509(tGiLL)
"I'll just stay here and bark out belligerent, fat-assed orders." -Tom Servo
(as the Sheriff). #313(EvtS)
"I'll never forget you, Trumpy." "...The way you callously knocked off 15
people... I'll never forget that; don't ever change, Trumpy..." -Tommy/Tom
Servo (as Tommy). #303(PP)
"I'll stay here and supervise the zombie." -Tom Servo (as Victor). #518(tAB)
"I love my dead Greek son!" -Tom Servo (as King Pelias). #502(Hercules)
"I love the smell of SPACOM in the morning. Smells like... chicory??" -Tom
Servo. #109(PM)
"I love you, Tom Servo!" "I love you, Joel!" "I love you, Crow!" "You're not
my real father!" Joel/Tom Servo/Joel/Crow. #303(PP)
"I made a boomerang to hunt wild animals!" -Tom Servo. #410(HatMM)
"I'm a *dog*! I can't process this much information at once!" -Joel (as
Lassie). #510(L:tPH)
"Imagine what it'd be like if something were happening!" -Crow. #410(HatMM)
"I'm a Grimald warrior!!" -Joel (as Mick). #403(CL)
"I'm a highly trained professional and it's *still* cool!" -Joel (as Stony).
#401(ST)
"I'm *already* sorry, Bobby..." -Tom Servo (as Rocky Jones). #413(MiS)
"I'm a practical woman, Dr. Frank. Now: Lop my head off!" -Crow (as Mrs.
March). #518(tAB)
"I'm a *scientist*! I don't think -- I observe!" -Dr. Forrester. #410(HatMM)
"I'm a stranger with parasites." -Tom Servo (as Ralph). #210(KD)
"I may be color blind, but it's plain to see I'm wearing a dress." -Tom Servo.
#413(MiS)
"I'm cookin' with Crisco now!..." -Tom Servo. #112(UY)
"I'm doing this for Jody Foster. It's nothing personal." -Tom Servo (as a
Cop). #311(ICtW)
"I'm equipped with shifting antigens, so don't even try to find a cure!" -Tom
Servo. #420(HD)
"I'm glad I chose kickin' butt as a career." -Tom Servo (as Hercules).
#410(HatMM)
"I'm going to be a world-champion blind lady!" -Crow (as Lisa). #420(tHD)
"I'm going to call it Planet Me." -Joel (as Dr. Blair). #416(FMoOS)
"I'm gonna build a blimp and fight the Nazzies!" -**. #507(IAmP)
"I'm gonna get you! All three of you!" "Wait, there's... only one of me!"
-the Butcher/** (as **). #409(IM)
"I'm gonna moon you, man, I'm gonna MOON you!!" "Well, that's gonna be
tough, 'cause you really don't have a hinder to speak of." -Crow/Tom Servo.
#415(Beatniks)
"I'm here for the Gumby wedding." -Crow (as Taplin). #111(M02)
"I'm here to eat candy canes and kick ass, and I'm all out of candy canes!"
-Krusher Kringle. #521(SC)
"I'm huge!" -Joel (as Detective). #207(WR) et al.
"I'm in it for the kicks!" -Gypsy. #207(WR)
"I'm learning a lot more about this guy's nasal hair than I ever wanted to
know." -Joel. #323(CoFM)
"I'm LONG!" -Crow (as Laertes). #408(HU)
"I'm *mental*, not *stupid*!" -Tom Servo (as Seraphina). #601(GT)
"I'm not interested in what's fair. I'm only interested in things that make
my head look bigger." -Joel (as Mr. Tropp). #112(UY)
"I'm not just for breakfast anymore." -Tom Servo (as Tang). #104(WotPP)
"I'm not worried about it; my name's in the title." -Joel (as Sinbad).
#505(tMVoS)
"I'm on the verge of despair again!" -Tom Servo (as Ariel). #605(CatH)
"I'm relative humidity. It's not so much the heat as it is me." -Tom Servo
(as the West Wind). #422(tDtEF)
"I'm so concerned I felt compelled to touch you." -Joel (as Admiral King).
#104(WotPP)
"I'm sorry, your *what* hurts?" -Tom Servo. #408(HU)
"I'm so sleepy I can't seem to keep awake." -Hercules. #408(HU)
"I'm squishy and I need to move on it!" -Mike (as Judy). #610(tVY)
"I'm tempted to call her something that rhymes with 'bitch'!" -Gypsy.
#607(Bloodlust!)
"I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!!!" -TV's Frank. #201(RXM)
"I'm thinkin' of tellin' my wife I love her... ... ... NAHHHH!!!" -Crow (as
the Truck Farmer). #507(IAmP)
"I'm torn between mourning my boyfriend and subscribing to Marxist dogma."
-Tom Servo (as Carla). #602(IUSA)
"I'm turning on my invisible electromagnetic ray screen. Even *I* don't
buy it." -**. #524(12ttM)
"*I'm* your boyfriend now!!" -Crow (as Giant Iguana). #210(KD) et al.
"*I'm* your mother now, Frank." -Dr. Forrester. #513(tBtWD)
"In all my years on the force, I don't think I've ever seen a more vicious
murder. *God* I love my job!" -Tom Servo (as Lt. Lewis). #603(tDTB)
"I never realized the Russian army would have chaperones." -Tom Servo.
#602(IUSA)
"I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying." -**. #205(RAUSA)
"In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts." -**. #110(RH)
"In the land of Dairy Queen..." -All. #K09(CP)
"In this all-purpose two-lid utility storage cabinet with 23 cubic foot
storage capacity--" "--bodies stack easily." -Narrator/Mike (as Narrator).
#603(tDTB)
"I oughta kick your so-called butt!" -Crow (as Prof. von Dornheimer).
#420(tHD)
"I predict that in the climactic finale, she jumps without a chute, and then
her *hair* opens up." -Mike. #609(tSD)
"I question the relevance of this scene." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"I reject Tommy Kirk and all his works." -Crow. #523(VotG)
"I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me --" "--was Harry!"
-**. #424(M:tHoF)
"I saw Gamera kissing Santa Claus." -Joel (as Scientist). #312(GvG)
"I saw it with my own hair!" -**. #418(AottEC)
"I see you've decided to go psycho. Godspeed." -Dr. Forrester. #516(AfLA)
"Is he a time-traveler?" -Tom Servo. #204(CC)
"I shun you version 3.0 for Windows!" -Tom Servo. #515(tWWWoBW)
"I sing whenever I sing whenever I..." -Chase Winstead. #402(tGGM)
"Is it primordial soup yet?" -Joel. #104(WotPP)
"Is it Sampo yet?" -Joel (as some whiney Troll). #422(tDtEF)
"Isn't *any* amount of atomic activity on the moon unusual?" -Tom Servo.
#102(tRvtAM)
"Isn't it cute the way they're making a stab at a plot?" -Crow. #605(CatH)
"Is science supposed to smell like banana creme?" -TV's Frank. #601(GT)
"Is something wrong, Mr. Miller?" "Sit down, pie-face, it's a long list..."
-Arch Hall, Jr./** (as Mr. Miller). #506(Eegah!)
"Is that Ator up there, or are you just glad to see me?" -Tom Servo (as Zor).
#301(CD)
"Is that car in your area?" "I beg your pardon!!" -Police Dispatcher/Crow (as
MacKenzie). #517(tBotE)
"Is that what they use in Mister Misty's?! That's extremely icky, Joel!"
-Tom Servo. #K09(CP)
"Is there another wise man we could talk to?" -Crow (as Lemonkainen).
#422(tDtEF)
"Is this really the best away team he could have chosen?" -Crow. #505(tMVoS)
"I sure hope that's pudding..." -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)
"--It has no time to stop for you corn-shucking crackers!" -Mike (as Narrator).
#520(RSS)
"It has the power to convert organic matter into inorganic matter!..."
"--Like McDonalds?" -Col. Sanders-san/Joel. #302(Gamera)
"I think everyone ought to come in and have a hot cup of cocoa and come inside
and be nice and snuggly." -Crow (as Dr. Herly). #201(RXM)
"I think he found the titanium -- or, the titanium found him." -Joel. #K09(CP)
"I think he's made of chili now." -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)
"I think I had her in the eighth grade." -Crow. #508(OD007)
"I think I'm a hermaphrodite!" -** (as Mikey). #514(TS)
"I think it's a strapless evening gown." "You think *everything* is a
strapless evening gown!" -Tom Servo/Crow. #422(tDtEF)
"I think this movie just broke the goofy-meter." -Joel. #407(tKS)
"I think we've all 'reported to the moon' at one time or another." -Tom Servo.
#107(RM)
"I thought it had no texture." -TV's Frank. #309(tACM)
"I thought the robot with the human head was really offensive." -**.
#102(tRvtAM)
"It's a bag of Homer Simpson!" -Joel. #422(tDtEF)
"It's a federal law to keep your monster in a car seat." -Tom Servo. #606(tCT)
"It's after the apocalypse! Nobody's hiring!" -Tom Servo. #403(CL)
"It's a hover-Bonneville!" -Joel. #421(MaGG)
"It's all hot and it hurts and stuff!" -Tom Servo (as Linda). #104(WotPP)
et al.
"It's all part of this nutritious war!" -TV's Frank. #319(WotCB)
"It's an entire race of mimes! We've got to get back and warn Earth!" -Joel
(as Hugh O'Brien). #201(RXM)
"It's an exciting day indeed here at Japanese War Atrocity Park..." -Crow.
#202(Sidehackers)
"It's an oscillating fan with an ear attached -- *period*." -Crow. #521(SC)
"It says that one time this big lobster came and attacked a lady, but
Mr. Ed saved her." -Tom Servo. #412(HatCW)
"It's called EVIL, kid." -Crow (as Trumpy). #303(PP)
"It's Dr. Freud's office!" -Crow. #519(Outlaw)
"It seems as though my doom is imminent. So -- How are you?" -Crow.
#505(tMVoS)
"It's fun when it's fun!" -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)
"It's injection time!!!" -Tom Servo. #103(MM)
"It's Kung Foley!" -**. #501(WotLW)
"It's like a beer commercial!" -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"It's like he wants to order a pizza but doesn't dare." -Joel. #403(CL)
"It's like they weren't even sure they were filming a chase scene!" -**.
#520(RSS)
"It's like we're smart, but we're not!" -Tom Servo (as a Bat Girl).
#515(tWWWoBW)
"It's more like the *Minor Vandalism* of the the Eye Creatures." -**.
#418(AottEC)
"It's not better than *radar*, is it?!" -**. #520(RSS)
"It's not much, but I call it Hell." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith). #108(SP)
"It's not so much the apocalypse as it is the humidity." -Joel. #501(WotLW)
"It's not very invisible..." -Joel. #406(AotGL)
"It's obsidian!" "Oh, I don't think it's *that* bad..." -Dr. Scott/Crow.
#113(BS)
"It sounds like the soundtrack is drunk." -**. #409(IM)
"It's show--!" "Don't even think about it, Frank. Send 'em the movie."
"--time..." -TV's Frank/Dr. Forrester/TV's Frank. #322(MN1)
"It's Spiro Agnew and Spiro Agnew in 'The Parent Trap'!" -Joel. #207(WR)
"It's *supposed* to hurt! It's *science*!" -Dr. Forrester. #K21(tLC)
"It's swell for tearing up fragile ecosystems -- Watch!" -** (as Arch Hall,
Jr.). #506(Eegah!)
"It's tasteless, odorless, and leaves no trace in the human body."
"Velveeta?" -Coleman/Crow. #504(SASD)
"It's the All-Idiot Channel!" -**. #212(GvM)
"It's the blind leading the bland." -Crow. #420(tHD)
"It's the feel-good film of the cold war era!" -TV's Frank. #205(RAUSA)
"It's the maritime equivalent of rock climbing." -**. #512(Mitchell)
"It's the most feared geography teacher of Central High!" -Crow. #602(IUSA)
"It's the parade of shame and wasted lives!" -Tom Servo (as Narrator).
#311(ICtW)
"It's the pizza dominatrix!" -Tom Servo. #603(tDTB)
"It's the smell of copy machine toner and white-out that makes my soul soar!"
-Tom Servo. #307(Daddy-O)
"It stinks!" -Rick. #303(PP)
"It's the Law of Averages! I'm average -- I'll make it!" -Tom Servo (as
Johnny Mapes). #419(tRS)
"It would take a scientist to explain it, and I'm simply too mad."
-Dr. Forrester. #*
"I understand now. Gallagher *is* funny." -Joel (as Gen. Paddock). #311(ICtW)
"I've been called a lot of things in my life, but never a corn spy!" -Joel
(as Bartender). #209(HC)
"I've got a date with Mrs. Butterworth..." -Crow. #414(Tormented)
"I've got a headache this big, and it's got Cy Roth written all over it."
-Joel (as Prossus). #416(FMoOS)
"I've got a thing about women on stepladders." -Joel. #108(SP)
"I've got to take the fridge to the airport. You need anything?" -Crow (as
Rommel). #202(Sidehackers)
"I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this film." -Joel.
#107(RM)
"I wanted to play hopscotch with the impenentrable mystery of existence,
but he stepped in a wormhole and had to go in early." -Crow. #203(JG)
"I want this man savagely beaten." -Crow (as Gregory Peck). #401(ST)
"I want to decide who lives and who dies!" "Oh, I don't know..." -Crow/Joel.
#321(SCCtM)
"I want you to beat up Tom!" -Crow. #408(HU)
"I was thinking maybe I could just *marry into* posture." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"I went and liberated France while you were dancing." -Crow (as Jimmy).
#507(IAmP)
"I wet 'em!" -Tom Servo (as Roxanne). #212(GvM)
"I *will* kill him!!" -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)
"I will not tell a lie. God, my teeth hurt! Thank you! <ba-boom>" -Tom
Servo (as George Washington). #610(tVY)
"I woke up, you weren't there, I *hate* that!" -Tom Servo (as the Old Spice
guy). #508(OD007) et al.
"I wonder if there's an abridged version of this movie." -Tom Servo. #106(tCH)
"I wonder when we're gonna run across some of these Martians. Y'know, from
what I've read, they've got pale faces and pin-heads and fishy eyes!" "I've
heard that said about Texans, too." -Tex/Crow. #201(RXM)
"I worked at NASA back when we were next to Cost Cutters." -Tom Servo (as Dr.
Munsen). #420(tHD)
"I would have taken my head, and made a hat..." -Gypsy. #309(tACM)
"Jeez, this sketch is getting preachy." -Crow. #208(LC)
"Jeez! *Tolkien* couldn't follow this plot!" -Crow. #301(CD)
"Joel, I can't help but think that this film was flawed in some ways." -Crow.
#406(AotGL)
"Joel, if we ever get to be like these 'bots -- please shut us down?" -**.
#110(RH)
"Joel, I'm not going to be able to watch the rest of the movie. I have
to make brownies for the Pinewood Derby." -Tom Servo. #K19(tMEoS)
"Joel, I'm scared..." -Crow. #319(WotCB)
"Joel, I sense there's a loooong basement scene coming up..." -Crow. #105(tCV)
"Joel, I think we're in for a long, hard ride." -Crow. #108(SP)
"Joel, this movie hurts." -Tom Servo. #413(MiS)
"Joel, this movie really isn't very good, is it?" -Crow. #323(CoFM)
"Joel, we *are* heavy machinery." -Tom Servo. #209(HC)
"Joel, when I grow up I wanna be a DRIFTER!" -Crow. #509(tGiLL)
"Joel, why are you spending your time psychoanalyzing robots?" -Crow.
#507(IAmP)
"Joel, why can't *you* wear nice things like that?" -Crow. #105(tCV)
"Joel, you magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR MENU!!" -Tom Servo. #507(IAmP)
"Johnny Longtorso /Johnny Longtorso / the man who comes in pieces...
He's LONG!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank. #421(MaGG)
"Jupiter -- America's dairyland!" -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"Just advancing the plot, nothing personal." -Joel (as Cal). #406(AotGL)
"Just a normal Tuesday for Cher..." -Mike. #513(tBtWD)
"Just kill it, don't play with it!" -Crow (as Gen. Paddock). #311(ICtW)
"Just shoot him! You told him you would. Don't pad your part!" -Tom Servo.
#103(MM)
"Just think -- now that girl looks like leather, smells like Marlboros and
Giorgio, and makes her grandchildren call her by her first name." -Mike.
#523(VotG)
"Kabob and -- Ka-Steve!" -Crow. #213(GvtSM)
"Keep out of sight. I'll find out if they're friends or enemies." "Uh, if
they kill me, they're probably enemies." -Crash Corrigan/Tom Servo (as
Crash Corrigan). #406(AotGL)
"Ken did it." "Those bastards!!" -Lord Halkon/Joel (as Rita). #310(FA)
"Kids come running for the great taste of Sampo!" -Joel. #422(tDtEF)
"Kids, don't ever sit on an archaeologist's lap." -Tom Servo. #107(RM)
"Kids! No weapons on the waterbed!" -Tom Servo. #605(CatH)
"Kids worship the darndest things!" -Joel. #424(M:tHoF)
"Kill yourself!" -Cambot. #513-. (Robot Roll Call.)
"Kim's having my fantasy about her!" -Crow. #403(CL)
"Kinda makes me feel like I did after I learned Neil Diamond wrote 'Red
Red Wine'." -**. #*
"Kissing monster! Kissing monster!" -Crow (as Ken). #310(FA)
"Knew your father, I did!" -Mr. B Natural. #319(WotCB)
"Krakatoa: East of Java." "Fentonville: East of Muncie." -Tom Servo/Crow.
#108(SP)
"KTLA predicts..." -Joel. #319(WotCB)
"Last time *you* helped on a project, we had to jetison a whole pan of
burning rock candy into outer space!" -Tom Servo. #112(UY)
"Later, these moths turn up in the mouths of Bob's victims." -Crow (as
Narrator). #608(CN:DH)
"Let me explain it to you one more time: No." -Crow (as Sinbad). #505(tMVoS)
"LeT mE gET yOuR CoMplImeNTaRy CraZy bREaD--" "--NO!!!" -Torgo/Dr. Forrester
and TV's Frank. #424(M:tHoF)
"Let me guess. The last words in this movie are gonna be 'Ahahahahahaha!'"
-Tom Servo. #608(CN:DH)
"Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I drive a truck, I'm butt-ugly,
and I hate spiders." -Tom Servo (as Carol's Dad). #313(EvtS)
"Let's crap in our hands and throw it at people! Heh heh... You know,
no matter how much you evolve, that's still damn funny." -Crow (as Ape
Lieutenant). #306(TotA)
"Let's face it, sticky-fingers -- waffles are just a vehicle for butter
and syrup." -Dr. Forrester. #317(VWatSS)
"Let's get the dog drunk next!" -Crow. #101(tCE)
"Let's go kill something we don't understand." -Crow (as Hugh O'Brien).
#201(RXM)
"Let's play with phosphorous!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Taylor). #421(MaGG)
"Let's see. Stick... sharpened... ... GRANDPA!" -Mike (as Bobby). #606(tCT)
"Let's see -- there's chaos here, chaos there, hmm... He's right, chaos
everywhere." -Joel (as Karnak-san Japanese technician). #302(Gamera)
"Let's start with a simple test. Can you tell where I'm looking right now?"
-**. #101(tCE)
"Let's strip him!" -Crow (as Shirley). #507(IAmP)
"Let's take a 15-minute break." "But, ah, keep the camera rolling!" -Cesar
Romero/Tom Servo (as Cesar Romero). #208(LC)
"Live fast, die young, and leave a fat, bloated, ugly corpse." -Tom Servo.
#207(WR)
"Look -- anal-retentive snakes. They lined up the skulls." -Tom Servo.
#301(CD)
"Look -- Bigfoot, putting on a blazer!" -Crow. #510(L:tPH)
"Look, free breast rides and we'll waive the membership fees." -Mike (as Beau
Bridges). #523(VotG)
"Look, if I want my opinion I'll beat it out of me!" -Dr. Forrester. #309(tACM)
"Looks like a train, but -- he'll need proof." -Joel. #105(tCV)
"Looks like Daddy-O's apartment -- except for the big-ass phone." -Tom Servo.
#608(CN:DH)
"Looks like he lost a pie contest!" -Crow. #210(KD)
"Looks like I got the load end of the pan that time." -Crow. #212(GvM)
"Looks like it hurts to be him." -Joel. #506(Eegah!)
"Looks like Ken's driving the Malibu Barbie Beach Jeep..." -Joel. #310(FA)
"Looks like that jelly donut got away from him." -Crow. #202(Sidehackers)
"Looks like this scene was shot by a bank camera." -Crow. #415(The Beatniks)
"Look look look at my crotch..." -All (as Cheerleaders). #317(VWatSS)
"Looks like he got his prescription filled." -Crow. #310(FA)
"Look, why don't I save you the trouble and just give *these* guys the money?"
-Joel (as cashier in pool-hall). #509(tGiLL)
"Lost in the valley of the shadow of the subplot..." -Crow. #319(WotCB)
"Lots of Chryslers on this planet..." -Crow. #305(SiS)
"'Love' is an expression never used here." "Except when it comes to
chocolate!" Queen Antea/Joel (as Antea). #502(Hercules)
"Love me!" -Joel (as Lieutenant Anderson). #104(WotPP) et al.
"Love me and my deformed friend!... Oh, and the guy in the car." -** (as The
Bat). #102(tRvtAM)
"Made my own blender mayonnaise the other day..." -Joel (as Phil). #417(CotM)
"Make it personal. Hurt their feelings if you can." -Tom Servo (as Rocky
Jones). #413(MiS)
"Mall of America was the scene of a violent coup today..." -**. #501(WotLW)
"Man... his shirt's so tight, you can see his liver!" -Crow. #607(Bloodlust!)
"Man... I never knew Arabia was so *Russian*." -Joel. #505(tMVoS)
"Man... It's like _No_Exit_ with bad jokes!" -**. #418(AottEC)
"Man... I wish they had a more effective monster. This is taking forever!"
-Joel. #423(BotM)
"Man... You just can't keep that guy away from the farm animals." -Crow.
#311(ICtW)
"MASTER NINJA THEME SONG!!" -Joel. #322(MN1)
"Matthew 6:19 at the half... heh heh, little preacher joke." -Tom Servo (as
Pile-On Pete). #510(L:tPH)
"Maybe he's just in there building a shelf?" -Crow. #513(tBtWD)
"Maybe I dialed wrong. Let me try again. Let's see... 'zero'." -Tom Servo
(as Tom Gregory). #108(SP)
"Maybe it's the flying saucer that I heard them talk... so much...
about... late-... ly..." -Old Japanese Foster-Brooks guy. #302(Gamera)
"May I take your skirt?" -Tom Servo (as Toby). #105(tCV)
"MaY i uSE yOuR BatHroOM?" -Torgo. #508(OD007)
"Meanwhile, at Kurt Cobain's house..." -Tom Servo. #513(tBtWD)
"Meanwhile, back on the _Greasy Bastard_..." -Crow. #314(MJ)
"Meanwhile, in another movie..." -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)
"Meanwhile, in the dark, impenetrable void, Jean-Paul Sartre was a-movin' and
a-groovin'..." -Crow. #204(CC)
"Meanwhile, the Midvale police visit his locker and find out why they call
him 'Buzz'..." -Tom Servo. #319(WotCB)
"Microsoft Service. Could you hold for an hour?" -**. #324(MN2)
"'Mike' is a very nice name." -Gypsy. #513(tBtWD)
"Mind if I smell your daughter?" -Crow (as **). #312(GvG)
"Mister Papercut -- 47 different angles of paper jut from his body!" -Joel.
#403(CL)
"MITCHELL!!" -All. #512(Mitchell)
"Mitchell... Even his name says, 'Is that a beer?'" -Joel. #512(Mitchell)
"Mmmm... Donuts and gray-water!" -Crow. #312(GvG)
"Mmmm... Dove bars. I love 'em no matter what dimension I'm in!" -Mike (as
Cabot). #519(Outlaw)
"Mmmm... French dressing. I love it." -Crow (as Talowa). #211(FSoV)
"Mmmm... your lips are like crisp, delicious bacon..." -Tom Servo (as Dean).
#607(Bloodlust!)
"Mohair!" -Tom Servo. #513-. (Robot Roll Call.)
"Mom, if the UN calls, I'm playing with my slot cars." -Joel (as Itchy).
#308(GvG)
"Mom! No!! She's putting out for a nickel! ... I have no mother..."
-Tom Servo. #523(VotG)
"Monkey love pile on me!" -Joel (as Charlie). #204(CC)
"Most of the town didn't have a problem with the Giant Regime..." -Mike.
#523(VotG)
"Mother Theresa called... She hates you." -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)
"Mother Theresa, please hold, *Kathy's* on line one..." -Crow (as God).
#516(AfLA)
"MOUNT FUJI -- again!!..." -All. #K22(LotD)
"Mount your horses, gentlemen." "We're not *that* lonely!" -Sir Branton/Crow
(as George). #411(tMS)
"Mr. B, you're HOT!!" -Joel. #319(WotCB)
"My god you're ugly..." -Crow (as Neil Striker). #305(SiS) et al.
"My mother's donuts are a saint!!" -Crow (as Tom). #312(GvG)
"My my my my MY GOD!!!" -Crow. #512(Mitchell)
"My one piece of advice: Do not have the Venusian Pu-Pu Platter." -Crow (as
Durant). #211(FSoV)
"My shorts are never boring." "Thank you, Tom." -Tom Servo/Joel. #102(tRvtAM)
"My spirit is snoring!" -Tom Servo. #208(LC)
"*My* transmitter?! Look, dickweed..." -Crow (as Herringway). #211(FSoV)
"NC-17 -- fifties style..." -Crow. #603(tDTB)
"Neat. Dark specter in basic black." -Tom Servo. #511(Gunslinger)
"Never trust a man with two first names, especially if one of them's
a woman's." -Joel. #K22(LotD)
"Never, under any circumstances, drive with your butt-cheeks." -** (as
Narrator). #520(RSS)
"New rule, Frank: Don't ever touch me." -Dr. Forrester. #407(tKS)
"Next on Sally Jesse Raphael -- Ski Joring." -Tom Servo. #311(ICtW)
"Next time I make a robot, no more free will." -Joel. #106(tCH)
"Nice caboose on that girl... What am I saying?!? That's my daughter!!
... I *am* mad!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Cameron). #103(MM)
"Nice hinder, son." "Thanks, dad." "I meant the girl!!!" -Tom Servo (as Tom
Grant)/Crow (as Ben). #522(TCW)
"Nice jammies." -Crow. #K09(CP)
"Nice location for a beating. Real scenic!" -Tom Servo. #403(CL)
"Nice of you to include us in the plot." -**. #*
"NICE TAG!" -All. #105(tCV) et al.
"Nipple nipple tweak tweak FLY!!..." -Tom Servo (as Commando Cody). #105(tCV)
et al.
"No, but I once saw a bear drinking a soda." -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)
"No, Edward! Don't do it!" "DO IT, EDWARD, DO IT!!" -Flora/All. #102(tRvtAM)
"No, I'm saving myself for the right oily drifter." -Joel (as Carrie (she's so
very)). #509(tGiLL)
"'No, Joel, *you* can't go to Woodstock, *you're* only nine years old...'"
-Joel. #204(CC)
"No, Marmaduke! Don't use the triple-overhand stitch! Bad dog!" -Crow.
#301(CD)
"No, my doctor says I can't have Mr. Pibb!" -TV's Frank. #508(OD007)
"No, no, forget the beach chair! You're in a hurry!" -Tom Servo. #306(TotA)
"No one can beat me at snap zooms! I was in _Time of the Apes_!" -Crow (as
Capt. Joe). #310(FA)
"No one could hold a candle to him in this role. Well, maybe they could
douse him in something flammable and *then* hold a candle to him." -Crow.
#105(tCV)
"No one will be seated during the famous Fish Argument." -**. #316(GvZ)
"No self-respecting scientist would have his shirt unbuttoned that far." -Tom
Servo. #106(tCH)
"Not a high school diploma between them..." -Crow. #415(The Beatniks)
"Nothing like an invigorating swim with a corpse in the morning." -Tom Servo
(as Tom Stewart). #414(Tormented)
"Now, don't you kids get drunk and go swimming under the dock. (Doodly
doodly doodly...) Help! I'm drunk and I'm swimming under the dock!!"
-Tom Servo. #502(Hercules)
"Now, every scientist worth his salt knows that dogs love chirpy little
chew toys, *and* they love rock-'n'-roll; so..." -Dr. Forrester. #213(GvtSM)
"Now, I envision Big Stupid as pure energy..." -TV's Frank. #509(tGiLL)
"Now, if you look out the left side of the train, you'll see -- the right
side of the train." -Crow. #113(BS)
"Now Michael Jackson's journey is complete..." -**. #508(OD007)
"Now *that's* science!" -Joel. #421(MaGG)
"Now that the Golden Fleece is gone, he must officiate." "EWWWW!!" -Iole/All.
#502(Hercules)
"Now that we have a space station,--" "--or FRISBEE--" "--it is at last
possible to send a ship--" "--or BATTERIES--" "all the way around the
moon." "--or PLAYGROUND BALL." -General Greene/All. #109(PMB)
"Now they can all die on dry land!" -**. #212(GvM)
"Now this, to me, is good TV -- being genetically altered on cable
television." -'Jack Perkins'. #310(FA)
"Now *this* will anger the gods." -Tom Servo. #605(CatH)
"Now, wait a minute... Is it me, or did I just lose face?" -**. #322(MN1)
"Now we can kill us some game in peace and quiet." "Do you realize what you
just said?" -Matt/Crow (as Lorne Green guy). #303(PP)
"Now, we've always known that there are fish in the ocean--" "--Oh, that's a
little farfetched!" -Prof. Galbraith/Joel (as Tom Gregory). #108(SP)
"Now, where were we. Ah, yes, I believe I had my tongue down your throat."
-Crow (as Lewis B. Moffitt). #206(RoT)
"Now, you see, this is irresponsible. They're encouraging people to go out
and drug Kathy Ireland." -Mike. #516(AfLA)
"No, you can't inject puberty, it has to happen over time." -**. #503(SD)
"No zombies. Not allowed." -Tom Servo (as Restaurant Owner). #106(tCH)
"Number of seances since last injury: 13." -Sign found in Deep Thirteen.
#418(AottEC)
"Objection! The use of the term 'nipple' is imprecise, incorrect, and
misleading -- though, I admit, mildly provocative..." -Tom Servo. #108(SP)
"Off to meet my doom, Mom! See you after school!" -Joel (as Johnny).
#306(TotA)
"Oh, and that playground ball's a threat, too." -Tom Servo. #104(WotPP)
"Oh, and, uh, you're married to me, that was the other thing..." -**. #316(GvZ)
"Oh, and you can smoke too." -Tom Servo (as Capt. Mike Brady). #K12(SSTDF)
"Oh, and you must have a wire rack." -Tom Servo (as Prof. E.C. Buehler).
#313(EvtS)
"Oh, as if *you're* the only person who ever got their head cut off. Quit
whining!" -Tom Servo. #513(tBtWD)
"Oh, a *single* smoocher! The worst kind!" -**. #418(AottEC)
"Oh, bite me. It's fun!" -Joel (as Zor). #301(CD) et al.
"Oh, Bob's alright. A little trigger-happy, perhaps..." -**. #203(JG)
"Oh, boy, this is gonna be dark..." -TV's Frank. #509(tGiLL)
"Oh -- Canada. That explains why it SUCKED!!" -Crow. #K21(tLC)
"Oh, Crow... What the heck does this have to do with French toast?!" -Tom
Servo. #317(VWatSS)
"Oh, don't invoke Jupiter..." -Mike. #514(TS)
"Oh, everything's better in the crawlicopter..." -Tom Servo. #211(FSoV)
"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Coffee..." -Tom Servo. #K10(HW) and #103(MM)
"Oh, excuse *me*, sexless man-woman." -Tom Servo (as Buzz). #319(WotCB)
"Oh, fine. Everyone pick on the Devil." -Mike. #603(tDTB)
"Oh. Flying hellbeast. Seen it." -Joel (as Itchy). #308(GvG)
"Oh, Gene Hackman. He's good in anything." -Joel. #401(ST)
"Oh, George Nader. He's untalented at any speed." -Joel. #420(tHD)
"Oh, god... I was gonna get through this movie without thinking about his
hips, and now *this*!..." -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)
"Oh -- God, no!! Does he have room for *her* down there?!" -Crow. #423(BotM)
"Oh, golly!" -Tom Servo. #K09(CP) et al.
"Oh, great, a harmonica. As if this guy wasn't annoying enough." -Crow.
#201(RXM)
"Oh, great. Another oily, unlikable character." -Crow. #419(tRS)
"Oh, great. The plague. And I've got a date!" -Crow (as Michael). #405(BfAP)
"Oh, great, Tony, you shot a midget. Hope you sleep well tonight." -Joel (as
a Cop). #105(tCV)
"Oh, he's just the host organism..." -Crow. #421(MaGG)
"Oh I'd hate to shoot a butt like that!" -Tom Servo. #102(tRvtAM) et al.
"Oh -- I didn't grow proportionately!!" -Mike (as Pete). #523(VotG)
"Oh -- I forgot France! Oh, well..." -Mike (as Santa). #521(SC)
"Oh, I hope *they* aren't Herc's mortal weakness!" -Crow. #502(Hercules)
"Oh, I know I'm being punished for something... What have I done??...
I DIDN'T ASK TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!" -Tom Servo. #506(Eegah!)
"Oh, I'll alert the media..." -Tom Servo (as Cesar Romero). #208(LC) et al.
"Oh, I suppose *Hell* got an NEA grant." -Mike. #521(SC)
"--Oh!! I thought he was gonna rip off his mustache!" -Crow. #322(MN1)
"Oh -- I thought that was a smoke detector!" -Tom Servo (as Cody).
#102(tRvtAM)
"Oh, it's just part of the American way: turning a neighboring country rich
in culture and beauty into a goofy appetizer." -Joel. #319(WotCB)
"Oh, like there's a plot to this..." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)
"Oh my god, he's playing dress-up! NO! NO!!!..." -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)
"Oh my god, please say this isn't happening!!" -Crow. #319(WotCB)
"Oh my god! The humidifier committed suicide!!" -**. #212(GvM)
"Oh, Nelson. So close and yet so not." -Dr. Forrester. #522(TCW)
"Oh, no! My aunt's coming to take me to the Michael Bolton concert!" -Tom
Servo. #502(Hercules)
"Oh, no!! Not the bean bag chair!" -Joel. #423(BotM)
"Oh, no!! They *licked* her to death!" "I *knowwww*..." -Tom Servo/Crow.
#317(VWatSS)
"Oh, pardon *me*, Tom 'I've-got-to-take-an-Indestructible-Whiz' Servo." -Joel.
#409(IM)
"Oh, pleeeease, Laurel Records! Let us use "The Web"! C'mon!" -Crow.
#513(tBtWD)
"Oh, pooh -- I'm in the pit of Hell." -Tom Servo (as Kathy Ireland).
#516(AfLA)
"Oh -- See, gays in the military, right there." -Joel. #508(OD007)
"Oh, shut up! Ever since we left, all it's been out of you is 'Texas
this' and 'Texas that'... Well, listen, bub, I've been to Texas, and
it's not all that great!" -Crow (as Lloyd). #201(RXM)
"Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further." -Crow.
#515(tWWWoBW)
"Oh, the Crawlicopter -- that's your answer for everything." -Crow. #211(FSoV)
"Oh, there she is -- about 200 yards. You could make it with iron sights,
but you'll want to use a scope, Crow..." -Tom Servo. #510(L:tPH)
"Oh, this is a great date. I've always wanted to be nuzzled by a hobo."
-Joel (as Carrie). #509(tGiLL)
"Oh. We're in Hell. Neat." -Joel. #208(LC)
"Oh, we sold her into slavery for some magic beans. Why?" -Joel (as Penny).
#112(UY)
"Oh, wowww..." -Joel. #K12(SSTDF) et al.
"Oh, yeah, feel real good about kicking a fish's butt. That's real nice."
-Joel. #204(CC)
"Oh! You magnificent son-of-a-bitch, I read your book!" -Crow (as Paisley).
#202(Sidehackers).
"Okay, *don't* kill me! Sure could go for a sammich, though..." -Tom Servo.
#416(FMoOS)
"Okay, guys. Don't frag me again." -Tom Servo (as Col. Caldwell). #606(tCT)
"Okay -- It forms three creamy layers -- No, wait, three layers: a creamy
layer, a gelatinous layer, and... dammit, I *must* find that formula!"
-Tom Servo (as The Bat). #102(tRvtAM)
"Okay, now remember our rule: Only one dead at each place." -**. #503(SD)
"Okay, okay, you can have your raise!" -Crow (as Peter Graves). #517(tBotE)
"Okay, sheriff, we've given your idea a lot of thought and -- we've decided
to step on you." -Tom Servo (as Beau Bridges). #523(VotG)
"Okay, show of hands: Who wet 'em?" -Mike (as the Sheriff). #523(VotG)
"Okay, we're gonna whack Santa, he's muscling in on the Easter Bunny's
turf..." -Tom Servo (as Italian kid). #521(SC)
"Once again, Big has saved Danny from a heterosexual experience." -Joel.
#509(tGiLL)
"One good thing about the apocalypse -- always plenty of parking." -Tom Servo.
#403(CL)
"Only *radar* knows what the hell is going on..." -Mike. #520(RSS)
"Ooh! I hope they start wrestling!" -Tom Servo. #317(VWatSS)
"Ooh, Steve is really delicious!" -Crow (as Rota). #213(GvtSM)
"Ooh, that's good lard..." -TV's Frank. #312(GvG)
"Oscar Wilde only *wished* he were this gay." -Joel. #319(WotCB)
"Ouch!! I landed on my eight-sided dice!" -Joel (as a human sacrifice).
#301(CD)
"Our minds play strange tricks on us sometimes." "Yeah, like that weiner-
between-the-fingers trick!" -Dr. Lorenz/Joel. #105(tCV)
"Ow!! I fell on my keys!" -Crow (as Hercules). #408(HU) et al.
"Ow!! Right in the Winky..." -Tom Servo. #413(MiS)
"Pa doesn't know very much about girls' clothes." "There's so much you could
say to that." -Carrie/Crow. #509(tGiLL)
"Painful, yes, but I've got to think of the greater Me." -Dr. Forrester.
#523(VotG)
"Pajamas, jazz, and communism. This is WILD!!" -Crow. #610(tVY)
"PEEP." -Crow and Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)
"People from the future are so smug." -**. #K07(GvG)
"Perfect Paul and his Magnetic Spleen -- he has only one flaw!" -Tom Servo.
#403(CL)
"Personal effects make me happy." -Joel (as police chief). #504(SASD)
"Pervert-Burger!" -Crow (as Jack Elam). #509(tGiLL)
"'Pile-On Pete'??" -Joel. #510(L:tPH)
"Pizza." -Door Number Three. #101-512
"'Pizza pizza' my ass..." -Joel (as Hercules). #410(HatMM)
"P.J. Truffleberry's -- try the fantoozler!" -Joel. #322(MN1)
"Please, Dad -- don't kill us and take us to the afterworld and stuff!" -Crow.
#208(LC)
"Please hit Bobby." -Joel (as Rocky Jones). #417(CotM)
"Please remain seated until the movie grinds to a complete halt." -**. #*
"Please slip corpses under the door after ten." -Crow. #206(RoT)
"Please take the Bob Hope hat off!" -**. #316(GvZ)
"Point zero-zero-FORE!" -Joel. #504(SASD)
"Prepare to meet Kali's brother -- near hell!!" -Tom Servo (as Thayer).
#508(OD007)
"Pretty please, with Herc on top?" -Crow (as Hercules). #502(Hercules)
"Probation isn't a right, it's a privilege." "Like stretch pants." -Probation
Officer/Crow. #601(GT)
"Progress! *That's* what my career lacks!" -Crow (as Robbie Benson). #403(CL)
"Protect the legend... the LEGEND!!" "Okay... He was Bigfoot." -Burgess
Meredith/** (as **). #K12(SSTDF)
"Pull my finger." -Crow (as Glen). #309(tACM) et al.
"Pulse normal... Heartbeat faint but regular... Respiration steady...
Reactions, none..." "Wait a minute -- that's *me*!" -Sharon/Joel (as John
Carradine). #320(The Unearthly)
"Puma? Puma!" -R.J. Dobson. #206(RoT)
"Push the button, Frank. I've got a tennis game later with the chirping
hellbeast." -Dr. Forrester. #309(tACM)
"Put that lampshade on your head, tie femur bones around your waist, and
dance naked in the moonlight!" -**. #203(JG)
"Quick, somebody get her a sandwich." -Crow. #201(RXM)
"'*Read* you'?? I *love* you!" -Joel (as NASA technician). #401(ST)
"Red flare at night, lizards fight." -Tom Servo. #210(KD)
"Red sky at morning, monsters take warning." -Joel. #308(GvG)
"Remember last week, when he was alive? Well, that didn't last..." -Joel (as
Taylor). #510(L:tPH)
"Remind me to hit you later." -Crow (as Bartender). #207(WR)
"Remind me to kill you later." -Tom Servo (as Hugh Beaumont). #208(LC)
"Remind your engineers to use coasters on me." -Crow (as the Table). #504(SASD)
"Rex Dart -- Eskimo Spy!" -**. #212(GvM)
"Ribs! *That's* what I'm hungry for!" -Joel (as Insensitive Reporter).
#309(tACM)
"Rock climbing, Joel..." -Tom Servo. #208(LC)
"Rocky, have you ever had a funny feeling you're about to get
slugged?" "Here, let me complete the thought --" -Winky/Joel (as Rocky
Jones). #417(CotM)
"Rodeos are the opiate of the masses." -Tom Servo. #407(tKS)
"Roger, this is God. Pick up the pace!" Crow (as God). #317(VWatSS)
"Saaaay!..." -Tom Servo. #302(Gamera) et al.
"Saaaay... These Klan meetings have really lightened up!" -Tom Servo. #204(CC)
"Saaaay... Who's the new girl?" -Tom Servo. #311(ICtW)
"Sadly, Sinbad wandered to the edge of the enchanted sea..." "...and had a
magic B.M." -Narrator/Tom Servo (as Narrator). #505(tMVoS)
"Sample my *fist*, you community theater reject!" -TV's Frank. #402(tGGM)
"'Santa bites the bishop'??" -Tom Servo. #505(tMVoS)
"Santa's doing the forbidden dance!" -Crow. #521(SC)
"Say, y'know, it's been two hours, but it's still pretty warm..." -TV's Frank.
#424(M:tHoF)
"Scare me?" -Crow. #309(tACM) et al.
"Scientists aren't sure what this represents." -Mike (as Narrator).
#608(CN:DH)
"Seemed like a nice enough fellow... AT FIRST!..." -Crow/Tom Servo. #105(tCV)
et al.
"Seen it... hated it... taped it..." -Tom Servo/Joel/Crow. #304(GvB)
"See no evil... Well, maybe just a little. Yeah!..." -Joel (as Kiko the
Monkey). #104(WotPP)
"See, *this* should have a brain in it." -Mike (as Robbie). #516(AfLA)
"See what you can do about making this lobby spookier." -Crow (as Doctor).
#413(MiS)
"See you when I can. Is that vague enough for you?" -Crow (as Mr. Parkins).
#610(tVY)
"Send in the clowns -- Oh! Don't bother, they're here." -Tom Servo (as Sec.
Drake). #413(MiS)
"Shame fuels the economy!" -Dr. Forrester. #505(tMVoS)
"She could eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence." -**. #101(tCE)
"She feels for me, and I feel for her, and we're free to express
it..." "--*naked*." -Cabot/Crow (as Cabot). #519(Outlaw)
"She had to sit next to -- THE STINKY GUY!" -Joel. #323(CoFM)
"She'll be perfect for my experiments..." -Joel (as Tang). #104(WotPP) et al.
"She meant *walk* the dog, not *wok* the dog!" -**. #K22(LotD)
"She's a prostitute. You can't really shame her, okay?" -Joel. #509(tGiLL)
"She's dressed like Minnie Mouse, only many times HOTTER!" -Tom Servo.
#601(GT)
"She's got a frontal bike-rack!" -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)
"She's got a swing on her back porch." -Crow. #K19(tMEoS)
"She's got her radio tuned to the Marching Band Station." -Mike. #517(tBotE)
"She's looking right at his throat..." -Crow. #510(L:tPH)
"She's very attractive when she weeps. Like death warmed over." -Tom Servo.
#K10(HW)
"She wouldn't have me on a silver platter." "How about on an air mattress
slathered with butter?" -Major Moore/Tom Servo. #109(PMB)
"Shield your eyes, Frank..." -Dr. Forrester. #321(SCCtM)
"Should I get out the anatomically correct doll?" -** (as White Goddess).
#203(JG)
"Should I go put a horse's head in my bed again?" -Crow (as Borman). #204(CC)
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comic books in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." -Crow/Tom Servo. #403(CL)
"Shut up, Frank, or I'll let the dog play with you." -Dr. Forrester.
#415(The Beatniks)
"Since when did NASA paint anything red?" -Tom Servo. #401(ST)
"Sir... Sir, we may be underwater, but we still have standards." -Crow.
#505(tMVoS)
"Sister, that dress is headed for trouble and it's taking you with it." -Crow.
#316(GvZ)
"Six-year-olds and nuclear weapons: a combination that just can't be beat."
-Tom Servo. #K07(GvG)
"Smucker's raspberry preserves..." -Joel. #211(FSoV) et al.
"So... apparently, the director has a girlfriend." -Mike. #605(CatH)
"Society didn't give me enough bullets!" -Tom Servo (as Mike). #522(TCW)
"Society owes me a Kit-Kat bar!" -Tom Servo (as Paula). #610(tVY)
"So, every time I eat a burger, an acre of this stuff disappears? I
don't understand..." -**. #203(JG)
"So far, there's not thing one wrong with this movie!" -Crow. #523(VotG)
"So, have I told you I have a man up in space?... No, literally -- I have a
man up in space." -Dr. Forrester. #404(TfOS)
"So, in a way, pain is good. Otherwise, we might be hurt and not know it
and die during social studies." -Tom Servo. #409(IM)
"So... I understand you two are untamed?..." -Joel (as Sheriff). #112(UY)
"So I was sitting by myself, and I said -- 'Spider'! Hahh hahh..." -Crow (as
the Sheriff). #313(EvtS)
"So long, chum!" -**. #315(TCM)
"So many children in needy families. Really bugs me." -Mike (as Mrs.
Parkins). #610(tVY)
"Someone with a really big butt sat there." -Tom Servo. #101(tCE)
"Something goofy this way comes..." -**. #315(TC) et al.
"Something there is that doesn't love a crummy monster film..." -Tom Servo.
#303(PP)
"Somewhere, a deer is smiling." -Mike. #522(TCW)
"Somewhere there's a warrant with his name on it. I'm sure of it." -Joel.
#321(SCCtM)
"Soon I will become King of the Urias. Who wants pancakes?" -Mike (as
Kermie). #605(CatH)
"Sooorrry, Mr. French..." -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)
"Sorry about the costume. Corman's poodle died, and he doesn't like to
waste anything." -Crow (as Stark). #317(VWatSS)
"Sorry about the tip; I left my money in my other -- uh, pocket..."
-TV's Frank. #422(tDtEF)
"Sorry, folks. Should've told you about the subplot. It even caught me,
the narrator, off guard." -Mike (as the Narrator). #606(tCT)
"Sorry, I'm gonna have to impale you, that's my job..." -Joel (as the Sea
Monster). #213(GvtSM)
"So, there's a subplot about a horseshoe, then?..." -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)
"So this guy comes in, stops the plot cold, then leaves??" -Crow. #510(L:tPH)
"Sounds like a deep midwestern alien." -**. #*
"Sounds like God picked up some extra bucks doing voice-overs." -Joel.
#505(tMVoS)
"Sounds like the foley guy's frying up a burger." -Crow. #404(TfOS)
"Sounds like your monster reads Frost." -Joel. #212(GvtSM)
"So what was that whole hitting-me-with-chains thing about?" -Crow (as Lee).
#403(CL)
"Spacemen just don't look at home in a breakfast nook." -Crow. #105(tCV)
"Spankin' time!" -Joel. #319(WotCB)
"Special agents are called in to slow the film down and grind it to a
screeching halt..." -Tom Servo. #205(RAUSA)
"Splash me on in the morning, wear the great smell of *me* all day long."
-Tom Servo (as Hercules). #410(HatMM)
"Spoken like a true fart." -Tom Servo (as Diamond Head). #608(CN:DH)
"Standard sitcom joke landing on runway seven..." -Crow. #610(tVY)
"Stand by to jettison tail section..." "Oh, wowwww..." -Hugh O'Brien/Joel.
#201(RXM)
"Start running, Frank..." -Dr. Forrester. #305(SiS)
"'Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came down from the stairwell...'" -**. #314(MJ)
et al.
"Stay away from those powerful hind legs, boys." -**. #316(GvZ)
"Stay together, cheeks..." -Tom Servo (as Maj. Baird). #319(WotCB) et al.
"Steve, have you ever really looked at a squirrel? I mean *really*, up
close." -Joel (as a Thug). #108(SP)
"Steve's dead now. From here on, Steve's death will be represented by the
oboe." -Tom Servo. #209(HC)
"Stock footage is hell." -Crow. #309(tACM)
"Stop saying 'whee!' Nobody says 'whee!'." -Tom Servo. #506(Eegah!)
"Stop wait come back..." -Tom Servo. #406(AotGL) et al.
"Store this image away for a later nightmare!" -Tom Servo. #422(tDtEF)
"'Stunned'?! He took six bullets!!" -**. #205(RAUSA)
"Stupid-Man! More powerful than an okie-motive..." -Crow. #402(tGGM)
"Suddenly *I'm* the jerk!" -**. #205(RAUSA)
"Sugar is the next best substitute for parental love!" -Dr. Forrester.
#417(CotM)
"SwitchERRRR!!" -Joel. #403(CL)
"Take her." "Here? In front of the circus people?" -Basil Rathbone/Crow (as
Sir Branton). #411(tMS)
"Take it to the bridge, Sinbad!... Drop it in the water..." -Crow. #505(tMVoS)
"Take me, you savage mousketeer!" -Crow (as Nancy). #523(VotG)
"Tang's gonna go take a powder... Wait a minute -- Tang *is* a powder!" -Crow.
#104(WotPP)
"Teat teat teat teat teat teat..." -Crow and Tom Servo. #516(AfLA)
"TELL HIM, GREG!!" -All. #112(UY)
"Tell him I'm smoking." -Tom Servo (as Steve Curran). #106(tCH)
"Tell me all about yourself." "Well, I don't have any bones, I'm all
cartilage..." -Sadie/Tom Servo (as Danny). #509(tGiLL)
"Thank god methane rises!" -Crow. #608(CN:DH)
"Thank god we have RADAR!" -Mike (as police captain). #522(TCW) et al.
"Thanks, Bob. You're real gone." "Thanks. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty
sure I'm right here." -Janey/Crow (as Bob). #112(UY)
"Thanks for almost killing me!" -**. #210(KD)
"Thanks for annihilating everything I know!" -Crow (as Joey the Lemur).
#210(KD)
"Thanks for comforting me with a gun." -Crow (as Nan). #406(AotGL)
"Thanks for hurling that gas bomb at me!" -Joel (as Hestia). #416(FMoOS)
"Thanks for providing the transition." -Tom Servo. #523(VotG)
"Thanks for the all-clear, Moneypenny." -Crow (as Ward). #508(OD007)
"Thanks for the character development." -Tom Servo. #415(The Beatniks)
"Thanks for the exposition." -**. #203(JG)
"THANK YOU!" -Drs. Erhardt and Forrester. #101(tCE) et al.
"Thank you for being gutless." -Crow (as head of NASA). #201(RXM)
"Thank you for extruding me." -Crow. #510(L:tPH)
"Thank you , Shoeshine Boy, you're humble and skeletal." -**. #110(RH)
"That bear has Hammer-pants on!" -Joel. #505(tMVoS)
"That blast to the face kinda helped her diction!" -**. #110(RH)
"That felt good... Now I'm going to turn my daughter into a woodchuck." -Tom
Servo (as Dr. Cameron). #103(MM)
"That guy's not even sexual enough to be a femme." -Mike. #522(TCW)
"That guy's uglier than a mud fence. He could make a train take a dirt
road." -Tom Servo. #107(RM)
"That had better be beer!" -Crow. #209(HC)
"That's a lot of fabric to wear on a cycle." -Crow. #403(CL)
"That's a pretty complex insult, for a drunk." -Crow. #407(tKS)
"That's a strange thing to wield." -**. #506(Eegah!)
"That's 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound butt capacity pants!" -Mike.
#515(tWWWoBW)
"That's me, except I'm moist." -Tom Servo. #420(HD)
"That's *Mister* Stinking-rotten-mouthpiece to you." -**. #409(IM)
"That square bugs me... he REALLY BUGS ME!!..." -Banjo. #207(WR)
"That's right; it's nature's own wiffle." -Crow. #511(Gunslinger)
"That's right, we're evil, EVIL!!!" -TV's Frank. #202(Sidehackers)
"That's the dullest thing you've ever said." -**. #418(AottEC)
"That's the most casually dressed monster I've ever seen." -Joel. #103(MM)
"That's the tee-shirt her mom got married in." -Joel. #109(PMB)
"That's what I want -- mummified and next to Stalin." -Crow. #511(Gunslinger)
"That turtle should be showing up any time now, shouldn't it?" -Tom Servo.
#K10(HW)
"That was about as painful as a cattle prod to the shoulder can get." -'Jack
Perkins'. #310(FA)
"That was no meteorite -- that was my wife!" -Crow. #310(FA)
"That was number five!" -the Hillbilly Thug. #202(Sidehackers)
"That was one wierd-ass movie." -Tom Servo. #509(tGiLL)
"The anti-missiles are loaded, sir." "Shhh! Later..." -Jerry/** (as **).
#314(MJ)
"The aorta makes an excellent sock puppet, and from here on will be
represented by the tympany." -Crow (as Dr. Raeburn). #206(RoT)
"The best beach party ever was the one at Normandy!" -TV's Frank. #204(CC)
"The best instruments are uniform -- every one is exactly like every other of
the same kind." "--Just like you and me!" -Narrator/Tom Servo (as
Narrator). #319(WotCB)
"The body sees a hernia as a series of ones and zeroes..." -Tom Servo (as
Doctor). #413(MiS)
"*The Box*, Frank, *The Box*!..." -Dr. Forrester. #422(tDtEF)
"The boys did *what*? They duplicated *Lumpy*?!?" -Crow (as Hugh Beaumont).
#420(HD)
"The boys in the press corps have nicknamed him 'The Golem'." -Crow. #201(RXM)
"The Cessna Skyhawk *is* usually your best choice for bombardiering
missions..." -Tom Servo. #108(SP)
"The cops ate my Chiclets!" -Joel (as Leland). #419(tRS)
"The drugs from the Chemical Wonderland start to kick in..." -Crow (as the
Narrator). #419(tRS)
"The first 10,000 lucky kids get slide whistles, and the second 10,000 lucky
kids get real brass knuckles. Then, the first 10,000 lucky kids become
unlucky..." -Dr. Forrester. #509(tGiLL)
"The fountain will spray out a substance which resembles blood, both in smell
and in taste." "Who tested it?" -Chuchumi/Tom Servo. #308(GvG)
"The four dullards of the apocalypse." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)
"The gods were supposed to help me move last weekend!!" -Tom Servo (as
Ariel). #605(CatH)
"--the hell?!? Tom Servo, you're naked!" -Joel. #507(IAmP)
"...the helpless cough of a squirrel with a crushed face -- *that's* what
life's all about." -Joel (as Lorne Green guy). #303(PP)
"The horse must have eaten her!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Scott). #113(BS)
"Their answer is summed up in two callous words:--" "'Bor-ing'." -Judge Clara/
Crow. #610(tVY)
"Their chances of being cool are ruined for life." -Crow. #320(The Unearthly)
"Their technology must be light-years ahead of ours! Their use of stock
footage is amazing!" -Joel. #104(WotPP)
"The 'K' stands for 'Karl'. Karl was the man who invented lightning." -Tom
Servo. #518(tAB)
"Thelma and Louise and -- Steve." -Mike. #522(TCW)
"The message is 'Hot, steamin' love -- Texas-style.'" -Joel (as Capt. Larson).
#416(FMoOS)
"The monster can destroy everything with its tongue." "*You* try saying
that without laughing." -Japanese General/Crow. #304(GvB)
"The name is *Jeffrey*, I happen to be *in* a helicopter." -Crow (as
Helicopter Pilot). #517(tBotE)
"The night, the monster, and thou." -Crow (as Prof. Strowsky). #423(BotM)
"Then, suddenly, it starts to get wierd. The rules change..." -TV's Frank.
#321(SCCtM)
"Then you will sign this lady's death warrant!" "Sure. Got a pen?" -Fu
Manchu/Tom Servo (as Kessler). #323(CoFM)
"The oldest cliche in the movies -- 'they're doomed'." -**. #506(Eegah!)
"The Pant Association urges you to wear pants at least three times a day!"
-Joel. #410(HatMM)
"The plot thickens -- like rancid pea soup..." -Tom Servo. #K10(HW)
"The problem of communicating with the departed--" "--is that they're dead."
-Krasker/Tom Servo (as Krasker). #603(tDTB)
"There are no small laws, just small criminals." -Tom Servo. #419(tRS)
"There are times when a man needs the touch of a llama." -Crow (as Dr.
Bradford). #606(tCT)
"The reason Miss van Horn is making this trip is because of her pioneering
research with monatomic hydrogen." "And, she's cute as a button." -Hugh
O'Brien/Crow. #201(RXM)
"The remaining monkey brains have been reduced to $1.99." -Crow (as **).
#508(OD007)
"There, I just marked our territory." -Joel (as the Fat Japanese Comic-Relief
guy). #308(GvG)
"There is an audible thud every time he tells a joke." -Crow. #610(tVY)
"There's a bonus if you get killed." -Joel (as Mr. Roundtree). #109(PMB)
"There's an angry black gentleman on line one..." -Crow (as the Lunar
Switchboard Operator). #211(FSoV)
"There's just something about that guy that screams 'I'm not really a cop'."
-Crow. #207(WR)
"There's no need to be formal, Mr. Martin. Please -- take off your pants."
-Joel (as Prof. von Dornheimer). #420(tHD)
"There's no steam in a vaccuum!" -Tom Servo. #524(12ttM)
"There's nothing like being in a gunfight with 600 pounds of high-test
nitro rocket fuel on your back..." -Joel. #108(SP)
"There's one ball of titanium that's not to be trifled with." -Joel. #K09(CP)
"There! Your announcer feels vindicated. This is extremely horrible!" -Tom
Servo (as the Narrator). #421(MaGG)
"These guys are aggressively incompetent." -Tom Servo. #406(AotGL)
"These guys are really easy to kill!" -Joel. #323(CoFM)
"These two girls they make quite a pair/ They both come from your worst
nightmare/ They will haunt your soul forever/ And now, when you see pink,
you're gonna think, 'We're doomed!'/ They are agents of Satan..." -Tom
Servo. #421(MaGG)
"The sphere is turning red!" "Well, wouldn't yours?" -Orloff/Tom Servo.
#211(FSoV)
"The storm god sits quietly with his napkin in his lap, num-num-num." -Crow.
#317(VWatSS)
"The tranquility of post-war Japan?!?" -Joel. #322(MN1)
"The unspoken language of bald men!" -**. #418(AottEC)
"The U.S.A. makes the best damn Sampos on the market, and I mean *nobody's*
gonna change that!" -Tom Servo. #422(tDtEF)
"The White Rock Cafe, where whitey comes to drink and dance!" -**. #418(AottEC)
"They can't be very intelligent -- look what they're flying!" -Crow. #K09(CP)
"They just didn't care!" -**. #418(AottEC)
"They just put a bunch of movies in a blender and pressed the 'mix' button!"
-Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)
"They killed H.R. Puffinstuff!" -Joel. #317(VWatSS)
"They killed off the only likeable character!" -Crow. #402(tGGM)
"They never explained the blond wigs. I don't get that." -Joel. #310(FA)
"They're Corn Czechs!" -Tom Servo. #K10(HW)
"They're doing a nickel at UPS!" -**. #503(SD)
"They're doing it clown style!! Noooo!..." -Tom Servo. #422(tDtEF)
"They're going to invoke the spirit of the continuity man." -Crow. #609(tSD)
"They're like Klingons without the Kling." -Joel. #104(WotPP)
"They're making pretty good time, considering this is a Lippert film." -Tom
Servo. #210(KD)
"They're not dead, they're just 'metaphysically challenged'." -Tom Servo.
#411(tMS)
"They're not gonna let us drop the bomb! Don't answer it!" -Crow (as Bomber
Pilot). #517(tBotE)
"They're roasting Bullwinkle!" -Joel. #422(tDtEF)
"They're trying to kill me! I guess I'll park." -Crow (as Lee). #403(CL)
"They're using every toy in the box!" -Crow. #314(MJ)
"They say you never hear the snack with your name on it." -Crow. #319(WotCB)
"They shot my spare turtlenecks!" -Joel (as Cameron Mitchell). #305(SiS)
"They were part of the second line of defense." "--also known as 'dessert'."
-Narrator/Crow. #606(tCT)
"Think it's really a good idea to jingle *all* the way?" -Tom Servo. #521(SC)
"THIRD BASE!!" -All. #202(Sidehackers) et al.
"This balance of power keeps ice cream in check." -Mike (as Narrator).
#603(tDTB)
"This Brown-'N'-Serve is alive!! ALIVE!!..." -Crow (as John Carradine).
#320(The Unearthly)
"This contract arrived for you from a Mr. Elzebub." -Tom Servo (as Miss
Grandy). #515(tWWWoBW)
"This corn relish is radioactive!" -Joel (as Steve Curran). #106(tCH)
"This dance represents that there are no baked potatoes until after five."
-Mike (as Dancer). #513(tBtWD)
"This delicious meal has a flat trajectory and a muzzle velocity of 2400 feet
per second." -Dr. Forrester. #319(WotCB)
"This freezer RULES!" -Mike. #603(tDTB)
"This has been a test. Had this been an actual movie, you would have been
entertained." -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)
"This has got litigation written all over it." -**. #315(TC)
"This has got to be one of the most boring rides at Disneyland." -**.
#102(tRvtAM)
"This is a complete redesign that I've called 'Tank Rambo'. It's an all-
terrain assault Me." -Tom Servo. #420(tHD)
"This is _Beverly Hills Cop_, only the slow, white version." -Tom Servo.
#420(tHD)
"This is from my 1935 film _The Prancing Ninny_..." -Tom Servo (as Mr.
Patterson). #322(MN1)
"This is getting wierd, you guys. There's a silhouette of theater seats
behind that movie." -Joel. #317(VWatSS)
"This is gonna suck..." -Crow. #421(MaGG)
"This is how they selected the jury for the Rodney King trial." -Crow.
#505(tMVoS)
"This is it. The final game of the world series. And we're the Mariners."
-Tom Servo (as Ed Mulberry). #602(IUSA)
"This is kind of looking like 'Thirtysomething' -- except for those dirty
pictures in the background." Joel/Crow. #202(Sidehackers).
"This island bites. It's, like, totally Amazon-less." -Tom Servo (as a Greek
sailor). #502(Hercules)
"This is like a Mentos ad!" -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)
"This is like Up With People in prison." -Tom Servo. #112(UY)
"This is our secret fort; we're gonna keep Chen Yu out." -Joel (as Orloff).
#211(FSoV)
"This is probably the longest minute in film history." -Joel. #112(UY)
"This is really gonna make the reunion show hard. Greg's back from Sweden
and he looks way different." -Tom Servo. #112(UY)
"This is the 'A-Go-Go' part." -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)
"This is the kind of padding I *like* to see in a film!" -Crow. #204(CC)
"This is the most emotion ever expressed in Sweden." -Joel. #422(tDtEF)
"This is the part where the Zagnut is fertilized by the salted nut roll..."
-Joel. #413(MiS)
"This is the strangest debate format I have ever seen." -Joel. #422(tDtEF)
"This is this." -**. #*
"This is too nice a place for a deadly game of cat-and-mouse." -Mike.
#608(CN:DH)
"This is where you step back and say, 'Thank God for my exoskeleton!'" -Crow
(as Grasshoper). #517(tBotE)
"This is wild, I swear..." -Tom Servo (as Hercules). #410(HatMM)
"This is wild! I've never killed a guy like *this* before. Neat!" -Joel (as
Hercules). #410(HatMM)
"This is your house, and you're in it, and I'm out here laughing!" -Joel (as
scientist). #309(tACM)
"This looks like a fine place to set down my pasty white bottom." -Joel (as
Prof. Norton). #406(AotGL)
"This looks like spermatozoa vacation pictures." -Joel. #405(BfAP)
"This makes _Driving Miss Daisy_ look like _Bullitt_!" -**. #512(Mitchell)
"This man must have led a very full and active life..." "'Cause he's got a
squirrel in his stomach!" -Dr. Raeburn/Crow (as Dr. Raeburn). #206(RoT)
"This man's wearing a push-up bra. Now *he's* pleasing!" -Crow (as Prof. E.C.
Buehler). #313(EvtS)
"This might be rather cynical on my part, but I put it to you that that is
the same monster." -Crow. #606(tCT)
"This morning, a lone chain-man terrorized downtown Athens. No motive was
apparent." -Tom Servo. #502(Hercules)
"This movie is just sitting on my head and crushing it." -Joel.
#511(Gunslinger)
"This movie sucks, Joel." -Tom Servo. #323(CoFM)
"This movie was like spending the weekend with your dentist." -Crow. #207(WR)
"This script is like a telephone directory!" -**. #315(TC)
"Thomas Edison invented the pornograph, beginning the age of pornography..."
-Crow. #510(L:tPH)
"Thong? No, it's a dance belt." -Tom Servo. #301(CD)
"Through this maximum glass-area front, across the narrow rail, and through
the wider sales-design top opening..." "To grandmother's house we go!"
-Narrator/Tom Servo. #603(tDTB)
"'...tied his ass to the tree...' Heh heh heh. Love that." -Tom Servo (as
Tom Grant). #522(TCW)
"Time elapsed. Just take our word for it." -Tom Servo. #518(tAB)
"Time for go to bed." -Tor Johnson. #320(The Unearthly)
"Time to drown the lemur!" -Crow (as Dick). #210(KD)
"Tiny *itchy* diodes, you mean..." -TV's Frank. #308(GvG)
"Titanium -- it's the feel-good mineral of 1999." -Joel. #K09(CP)
"Title puns. I love 'em." -Tom Servo. #311(ICtW)
"Toby will show you to your rooms. You'll be sleeping with the monkey-boy
tonight." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Lorenz). #105(tCV)
"Today is dedicated to Uranus." "Why, thank you, I..." -Ismene/Crow (as
Hercules). #412(HatCW)
"To him it's kind of a sexy puppet show." -Tom Servo. #423(VotG)
"To me, that leash screams 'unhealthy relationship'." -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)
"Tom, I don't get you." "Nobody does. I'm the wind, baby!" -Gypsy/Tom Servo.
#421(MaGG)
"Tommy Kirk discussing 'goo' makes me very uncomfortable..." -Tom Servo.
#523(VotG)
"Tommy, now you quit warping time and space this instant!" -Tom Servo (as Mrs.
Stevens). #303(PP)
"Tonight: Manos gets caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse..." -Tom Servo.
#424(M:tHoF)
"Tonight we have a very special vintage -- nineteen *me*!" -Tom Servo (as
Marlenus). #519(Outlaw)
"To put it even *more* simply: You eat like a pig." -Tom Servo (as Doctor).
#413(MiS)
"Torgo, you're missing the fight! Put your dress on and get in there!" -Tom
Servo. #424(M:tHoF)
"Trains are blameless, holy creatures..." -Mike (as Narrator). #520(RSS)
"Tripping. Still works in the future!" -Joel. #417(CotM)
"Trumpy, you can do magic things!" -Tommy. #303(PP)
"Tuesdays are human sacrifice day at the Sizzler." -Joel. #301(CD)
"Turn it off... TURN IT OFF!!..." -Tom Servo. #319(WotCB) et al.
"Two healthy students suddenly die of heart failure--" "Oh! I've heard this
one..." -Comfort/Tom Servo. #504(SASD)
"Two men in a hut and..." "And??" "...The fat one takes the bed!" -**.
#101(tCE)
"Two words: Get over it!!" -Dr. Forrester. #414(Tormented)
"Uh, better not go in there for a while..." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Stanhope).
#416(FMoOS) et al.
"Uh, camera three get off the track... Camera three -- OH DEAR GOD!!!" -Crow.
#509(tGiLL)
"Uh, can we get back to our bleak, meaningless lives please?" -Tom Servo (as
Kreuger). #603(tDTB)
"Uh, could we get a table closer to the plot?" -Joel (as Dr. Blair).
#416(FMoOS)
"Uh, honey, I think we're growing apart, we don't have the same interests
anymore. You want to conquer the world, I want to put a shop in the
basement." -Joel (as Peter Graves). #311(ICtW)
"Uh, I'd wash that hand if I were you -- that's my throwing hand." -Joel (as
His Excellency). #306(TotA)
"Uh, is that poison gas part of the presentation?" -Crow. #608(CN:DH)
"Uh, Joel, if you don't mind, I'm *cooking* here, I'm beginning to smell
*delicious*..." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)
"Uh, Joel, I think the butter's slipped off your stack of waffles, buddy."
-Crow. #317(VWatSS)
"Uh, Mister B, what would *you* know about dignity?" -Joel. #319(WotCB)
"Uh oh -- Glen passed a truck on the highway. I mean, he *passed a truck* on
the highway!" -Tom Servo (as Sgt. Mario). #319(WotCB)
"Uh oh -- I broke him..." -Crow. #505(tMVoS)
"Uh oh -- I just passed wind in my suit. I ask you, as a point of honor,
give me a second." -Tom Servo (as Okasa). #322(MN1)
"Uh oh, looks like the Splunky's about to his the fan..." -Tom Servo. #201(RXM)
"Uh oh -- Roger Corman. This is gonna go down hard, guys." -**. #503(SD)
"Uh oh -- Romulans." -Mike. #601(GT)
"Uh oh! She's getting squishy!..." -Tom Servo. #610(tVY)
"Uh oh... <sniff sniff>... Smells like a montage." -Tom Servo.
#415(The Beatniks)
"Uh, that's 'Cooch', sir..." -Tom Servo (as G/Cooch).#202(Sidehackers)
"Uh, that's 'Gooch', sir..." -Tom Servo (as G/Cooch).#202(Sidehackers)
"Uh, the Dead, could you turn your radio down please?" -Tom Servo (as
Krasker). #603(tDTB)
"Uh, the press is a bunch of wussies. Are you alone in there?" -Joel (as Hugh
O'Brien). #201(RXM)
"Uh, why are you rotating the biscuit-holder?" -Crow. #312(GvG)
"Underoos are fun to wear..." -**. #110(RH)
"Upon further review, the refs find that Cody is dead. The play
stands -- Cody is dead." -Tom Servo. #107(RM)
"Uranus was a good cop!!" -**. #412(HatCW)
"Use plenty of lip and tongue action!" -Prof. E.C. Buehler. #313(EvtS)
"Use *your own* magic bird!" -Tom Servo (as Sinbad). #505(tMVoS)
"Vandals came in and put skin on him!" -Joel (as doctor). #309(tACM)
"Wait for it... Wait for it!..." -Dr. Forrester. #301(CD)
"Wait... he's alive, but his head's gone..." -Crow (as Glen). #309(tACM)
"Wait there! We're coming to attack you!" -Crow (as Atlantean Soldier).
#406(AotGL)
"Wait -- this is *ancient* Greece. They didn't have ruins yet!" -Crow.
#502(Hercules)
"Wait, this isn't a stick shift -- AAHHHGHGH!" -Mike (as Audrey Ames).
#517(tBotE)
"Walk invisibly and carry a big stick." -**. #205(RAUSA)
"Walk quietly among other men, but know their power for they are your enemies.
Quietly crush them as you work diligently through the night. Pay attention
to the man behind the curtain, for he is your ally. Drink deeply and
lustfully from the foamy draught of evil... Uh, do it to the other guy
before he does it to you, and be bad to the bone. Won't you? Thank you."
-Dr. Forrester. #308(GvG)
"Was it disgusting for you, too?" -Crow (as Ingrid). #323(CoFM)
"Wasn't there something in the rule book about 'equal and opposite
reactions', Joel?" -Tom Servo. #107(RM)
"Watch out for snakes!" -Disembodied Voice. #506(Eegah!)
"Water -- the source of all life..." -Tom Servo. #302(Gamera) et al.
"We are not *murderers*!" "Sir? Uh, actually, we are." -Crassus/Mike (as some
guy in a hardhat). #516(AfLA)
"We come bearing honey-baked hams!" -Crow (as a Swede). #422(tDtEF)
"We... could hurt them badly...? Maybe kill 'em?" -Tom Servo (as CIA Chief).
#K20(H18)
"We'd like to welcome you to _Collateral_Damage_Playhouse_..." -**. #314(MJ)
"We don't want you to pray *for* us, we want you to pray *to* us!"
-Dr. Forrester. #204(CC)
"We had to scrub the launch." "Hey! Hey! There are ladies present!" -Gregory
Peck/Tom Servo. #401(ST)
"We have bowling and miniature golf... We get drunk and make fun of you
guys 'cause you're so stupid..." -Crow (as the guy from across the
Wastelands). #315(TC)
"We just came to beat everybody up, we're leaving now! Thanks!" -Crow (as the
Old Spice guy). #508(OD007)
"We just took your libido and starched and pressed it." -Crow (as the
Narrator). #510(L:tPH)
"We like it here! Now we're even closer to the atomic pile! And
someday..." -Dr. Forrester. #201(RXM)
"...Well, at least there are some cocktails in this dimension..." -Tom Servo.
#513(tBtWD)
"Well, Cal, you've been really worthless -- a coward and a tower of jello.
Thanks for your help!" -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith). #108(SP)
"Well, her corns are gone..." -**. #110(RH)
"Well, I'd better be going. It's been sleazy and all, but, uh..." -Crow (as
Dr. Courtner). #513(tBtWD)
"Well, I'm gonna go over to the morgue and cheer up." -Crow (as Ken).
#415(The Beatniks)
"Well, I think the point they've established so far is that they're going into
space. I think that's probably established. Maybe we'll need another TEN
MINUTES or so to make it clear!!" -Tom Servo. #401(ST)
"Well, it looks like the fish got a new Pope." -Tom Servo. #605(CatH)
"Well, it's certainly a B film." "More like a T-and-A film." -Crow/Tom Servo.
#K19(tMEoS)
"Well, it's not a plot point... and it's not an action sequence... so what
*is* it??" -Mike. #605(CatH)
"Well, Kevin here is Irish, but I'm Danish..." -Officer Nelson. #409(IM)
"Well, let's see... fourteen minutes to live. Wonder if I can get a pizza in
that time?" -Crow (as Renee). #603(tDTB)
"Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a
Christmas carol before..." -Joel. #321(SCCtM)
"Well, okay, but don't duplicate my butt." -Joel (as George Nader). #420(HD)
"Well, okay, yonder lies *the matte painting of* the castle of my father."
-Tom Servo (as Zarko). #317(VWatSS)
"Well, she was gonna smell like a beer sooner or later." -**. #512(Mitchell)
"Well... Should we go after the head or the body?" -**. #K20(H18)
"Well, that's it. We're licked." -Crow (as K.Z.K.). #304(GvB)
"Well, the good news is that we won't make a big explosion when we hit the
earth..." -Tom Servo (as Lisa). #201(RXM)
"Well, there's blankets and canned goods in the broom closet. We'll make
out." "Oh, wowwww..." -Scientist/Joel. #311(ICtW)
"Well, there's no emotional attachment to me. I can die." -Crow (as the
Janitor). #405(BfAP)
"Well *this* is good old-fashioned nightmare fuel." -Crow. #521(SC)
"Well. This isn't good, not at all. I mean, I've seen good before, and it
didn't look anything like this." -Joel. #113(BS)
"Well, Todd thinks it's okay..." -Tom Servo. #517(tBotE)
"Well, we don't have very much money for the other ship; let's use
a -- PEPSI BOTTLE!" -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)
"Well, you know, recently I've become a vegetarian, and it's worked out
great, really. You know, the other day my colon looked up at me and
said, 'Frank, thank you.' And I said, 'No -- thank *you*!'" -TV's
Frank. #317(VWatSS)
"Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem..." -** (as a Cop).
#512(Mitchell)
"We need them --" "--like a fish needs a bicycle." -Brasiere/Tom Servo.
#317(VWatSS)
"We're basically evil, granted..." -TV's Frank. #403(CL)
"We're born, and then we die, and there's lots of padding in between." -Joel.
#209(HC)
"We're getting a lot of mileage out of that lemur bit!" -Crow. #210(KD)
"We're getting into a whole wierd area here..." -Tom Servo. #322(MN1) et al.
"We're gonna get burned, Joel. We're gonna get roasted like nuts!" -Tom
Servo. #421(MaGG)
"We're just not right for each other -- I mean, *I'm* right, but *you're*
not." -Crow (as Robbie). #516(AfLA)
"We're starting to do _Cosby_ on _Mystery_Science_..." -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)
"We're up a specific creek..." -Tom Servo (as **). #K20(H18)
"*We're* your 'Friends and Family' now!" -Tom Servo (as Sakai). #608(CN:DH)
"We suggest you start breathing in shifts." -Crow (as Gregory Peck). #401(ST)
"We used to come here and club seals together." -Crow (as Rommel).
#202(Sidehackers)
"We've been dealing with genetic mutations since you were in short-
pants!" -Dr. Forrester. #108(SP)
"We've broken through the space-time continuum and passed the savings
on to *you*!" -TV's Frank. #519(Outlaw)
"We've got to get organized! We should not be losing to *grasshoppers*,
people!" -Mike (as a Soldier). #517(tBotE)
"We've got to think about your wound." "I can't think about anything else!"
-Hercules/Tom Servo (as Derrix). #410(HatMM)
"We've landed. You'll just have to take my word for it." -Lomas/Tom Servo (as
Lomas). #321(SCCtM)
"We've whipped the problem of skin friction on the warhead..." "Uh, are
we talking about the same thing here, buddy?" -**. #205(RAUSA)
"We want to challenge your robots to a game of hockey." -**. #205(RAUSA)
"What about gel?... Can we take gel?..." -Joel (as Edek). #K10(HW)
"What about the plot, Joel? Am I the only one who cares?" -Tom Servo.
#206(RoT)
"What a day. I invented Gainesburgers and I didn't even mean to!" -Tom Servo
(as Dr. Brent). #421(MaGG)
"What a desolate, forsaken place!" "What a stilted, pretentious line!" -Nora/
Crow. #210(KD)
"What, are you kidding?? We're on a spaceship! This place is *crawling*
with toothpicks!" -Joel. #512(Mitchell)
"What are you wearing?... I'm putting my knee up right now... oh-h-h-h..."
-Crow (as Chase). #402(tGGM)
"What a surprise. He lives in a shabbily furnished room." -**. #418(AottEC)
"What color is the sky in your world, Joel?" -Crow. #K09(CP)
"What did you do today? Well, we watched a stupid movie..." -Crow. #107(RM)
"What does it mean I am 'stacked'?" "Uh, 'stacked' means you're
really smart." -Marta/Crow (as Paul). #106(tCH)
"What, do you think soup is a biped?" -Crow. #313(EvtS)
"What do you want from us?? We're *evil*! EVIL!!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's
Frank. #301(CD)
"Whatever can I do to make it up to you?" "Uh... paint my house?" -Maya/Crow
(as Neil Connery). #508(OD007)
"Whatever happened to empiricism?" -TV's Frank. #415(Beatniks)
"Whatever you do, don't hit the inflatable reindeer! Please!" -Tom Servo.
#304(GvB)
"What fresh hell is this?" -Crow. #505(tMVoS)
"What he lacks in expression, he makes up for in hat-tips." -Crow. #417(CotM)
"What I'm gonna do, see, is kill *you*, and strap you around *my* body for
armor..." -Tom Servo (as Big Stupid). #509(tGiLL)
"What is this -- 'Pantsless Motorcycle Repair'?" -Tom Servo. #403(CL)
"What is this -- 'Planet of the Fops'?" -Crow. #306(TotA)
"What kind of universe is this where they alter your clothes while
you sleep??" -Joel. #107(RM)
"What, no headbutt this morning? Honeymoon over?" -Crow (as Keemar).
#321(SCCtM)
"What's in it for us? --and by 'us' I mean 'me'." -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)
"What sins could a duck commit in a single lifetime?" -Crow (as a Giant Duck).
#523(VotG)
"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!?!" -Crow. #318(SF:FA2)
"What the hell does that mean. Over." -Mike (as CIA telephone operator).
#608(CN:DH)
"What the hell is a 'chonga'?" -Crow. #319(WotCB)
"What? What was that? Was that a plot point?" -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"What wire would Camus cut?..." -Joel. #104(WotPP)
"Whenever they test nuclear bombs, it's the monsters who suffer." -**.
#212(GvM)
"When she thinks of the mass media, she touches herself!" -Tom Servo.
#321(SCCtM)
"When the weather gets bad, / some people go mad. / So let's have fun /
right here in the sun. Let's go!" -Japanese C&W Singer. #K22(LotD)
"When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you
to TOR-CHAR!!" -Teener Captain. #404(TfOS)
"When you get close to an accent, let us know." -Crow. #518(tAB)
"Where's your spirit of adventure?" "Uh, that's in my other pants." -"Chief"/
Tom Servo (as Engineer Bradley). #104(WotPP)
"Which one's Manuel?" -Tom Servo. #311(ICtW)
"White goddess having trouble?" "White fascist getting smart?" -Bob/** (as
White Goddess). #203(JG)
"Whoah... Better bring a calculator!" -Crow. #110(RH)
"Whoah... Did I toss a throne last night?" -Crow (as Hercules). #412(HatCW)
"Whoah! Honey, speak English!" -Tom Servo. #402(tGGM)
"Whoah! That's a lot of slang for one sentence." -Tom Servo. #207(WR)
"WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE ARE WE?! COULD WE PLEASE GET A FRAME OF REFERENCE OR
SOMETHING PLEASE?!" -Joel. #208(LC)
"WHO IS MERRITT STONE?!?!..." -TV's Frank. #419(tRS)
"Who says a coma can't be delicious?" -TV's Frank. #322(MN1)
"Who's bad?" "Tom Servo!" "*Who's bad*?" "Tom Servo!!" -Tom Servo/All.
#102(tRvtAM)
"Who's that guy with the big head, big head..." -Tom Servo. #318(SF:FA2)
"Who the hell are you to decide who lives and who dies?! Did you know that
the nation's brunch industry employs over 5000 people -- most of them
named Chad?" -Crow. #317(VWatSS)
"Why'd a goofy old apocalypse hafta happen right when my acne was starting to
clear up?" -Joel (as Lisa). #108(SP)
"Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them
a pie chart or something?" -Tom Servo. #103(MM)
"Why does he have to take orders from a bus driver?" -Crow. #417(CotM)
"Why does the most evil man in the world live in a Stuckeys?" -Tom Servo.
#411(tMS)
"Why don't they look?" -Railroad Engineer. #520(RSS)
"Why do you have that *glazed* look on your face?" -Tom Servo (as Tom).
#312(GvG)
"Why do you think they call him 'Droppo'?" -**. #321(SCCtM)
"Why'd they send a mummy to Pine City Vo-Tech?" -Joel. #405(BfAP)
"Why, in God's name, is Sinbad tax-exempt??" -Tom Servo. #505(tMVoS)
"Why would anyone want to *do* this with Mitchell, Joel??" -**. #512(Mitchell)
"Will somebody *please* invade something!!" -Tom Servo. #602(IUSA)
"WINDOW!!... WINDOW!!..." -All. #102(tRvtAM)
"Women are torn apart like fresh bread..." -Joel (as Narrator). #421(MaGG)
"Word on the street is, you're a jerk." -**. #512(Mitchell)
"Works every time..." -Joel (as Kemp). #111(M02) et al.
"Would he get a DWI for that?" "Posthumously." -Joel/Tom Servo. #K21(tLC)
"Would Kay enjoy... a weenie roast?" "NICK, NO!!" -Narrator/All. #503(SD)
"Would somebody please milk grandpa? He's in a lot of pain!" -Joel. #308(GvG)
"Would somebody shoot that turkey!?" -Tom Servo. #211(FSoV)
"Would this be a bad time to bring up Snausages?" -Joel (as Lassie).
#510(L:tPH)
"Would you forget the skid marks!!!" -Tom Servo. #402(tGGM)
"Would you guys knock it off? I can't concentrate on my own lame
wisecracks." -Crow. #210(KD)
"Would you knock it off about Dixieland jazz!?!" -Crow. #407(tKS)
"Would you like some -- SOUP?" -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)
"Would you quit being evil over my shoulder?" -Crow (as Kim Cattrall). #403(CL)
"WOULD YOU SHUT THE BLOODY ORGAN GRINDER UP!!" -Crow. #521(SC)
"Wow... Do you realize how many TV series would be wiped out if this room
blew up?" -Tom Servo. #305(SiS)
"Wow! If a fellow were to happen to be a human duplicator, he could really
have a ball up here!" -Joel (as George Nader). #420(tHD)
"Wow -- look! She really *is* smart!" -Tom Servo. #106(tCH)
"Wrong, but thanks for playing." -Crow (as Commander Scott). #104(WotPP) et
al.
"Wynona!" -TV's Frank. #610(tVY)
"Yeah, everybody gets a day off at the end of the world. Didn't you know
that? It's a free day." -Joel. #311(ICtW)
"Yeah, hello, this is Gamera. Knock it off!" -Tom Servo (as Gamera).
#302(Gamera)
"Yeah, I guess it's a wasteland... except for that *city* behind you!!" -**.
#110(RH)
"Yeah -- I'll say we got burnt! We got burnt all the time!! It was just
part of what went with the territory when you got to make your own cool
plastic toys!" -Joel. #313(EvtS)
"Yeah -- It's fun until somebody *dies*!!" -Gypsy. #519(Outlaw)
"Yeah, just remember, Mike: If push came to shove, I could take ya!" -Gypsy.
#522(TCW)
"Yeah, kids are always mutilating people." -Crow. #421(MaGG)
"...yeah the Devil made this movie for you..." -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)
"Yeah, well you're full of skit!" -Joel. #311(ICtW)
"Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat... at
night... in a fog..." -Tom Servo. #108(SP)
"Yes!! It worked! I'm gonna score on an interplanetary scale!" -Crow (as
Neil Striker). #305(SiS)
"Yes, once again the pursuing vehicle is driven by STUPID people." -Tom Servo.
#322(MN1)
"Yes, yes, but what does it *mean*??" -Tom Servo. #515(tWWWoBW)
"Y'know, in Austr-eye-lia my voice is as annoying as yours." -Crow (as Gus).
#516(AfLA)
"You accelerate *my* molecules, doctor." -** (as Mary). #314(MJ)
"You and your friends are the only creeps in this place." -Banjo. #207(WR)
"You can see why the British invasion was so *easy*!" -Mike. #606(tCT)
"You can't be in our club, Satan!" -Crow (as Mexican kid). #521(SC)
"You can't destroy me -- I *quit*!" -Crow (as Lord Halkon). #318(SF:FA2)
"You can't hold a man, or convict him, because he buys a new pair of shoes.
That's the whole basis of our judicial system!" -Crow (as Lt. Lewis).
#603(tDTB)
"You can't make me, you *can't make me*!!" -Tom Servo. #*
"You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of his boring speeches!"
-Crow. #201(RXM)
"You didn't learn a thing last night, did you." "Well, I *did*, but I don't
think we can use it to rob a bank..." -Linda/Joel (as Rod). #207(WR)
"You don't have to be a pig for the rest of your life, Mitchell." "Well, I
kinda *do*..." -**/** (as Mitchell). #512(Mitchell)
"You don't have to be Freud to figure *that* one out!" -Crow. #416(FMoOS)
"You don't necessarily have to get swallowed up in a black hole..." "...but
it helps!" -Ken/Tom Servo (as Ken). #318(SF:FA2)
"You do the voice, I'll move the jaw." -Crow (as Lloyd). #201(RXM) et al.
"You ever seen me look so happy?" "Yeah, but you didn't know I was watching
you." -Luke/Joel (as Rommel). #202(Sidehackers)
"You get a Mister Misty-meanor for that" -Crow. #319(WotCB)
"You guys were shameful *before* he got here." -Crow. #505(tMVoS)
"You have *got* to be kidding me!!" -Crow. #313(EvtS) et al.
"You have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the
truth... Okay, mixed with a little fiction... Alright, I'm lying my
butt off..." -Tom Servo (as Edward). #102(tRvtAM)
"You know, a federal indictment may prove difficult to overcome in the
student elections." -Tom Servo. #610(tVY)
"You know a movie is bad bad BAD if it makes The Monkees look good!" -Crow.
#515(tWWWoBW)
"You know, as long as you're sitting here, I don't even want to *think* about
Slime People." "--Although it's hard, looking at a mug like yours." -Cal/
Crow (as Cal). #108(SP)
"You know, elf tastes just like chicken!" -Tom Servo (as KID-TV reporter Andy
Henderson). #321(SCCtM)
"You know, even though they tried to eat our brains, you gotta admit it's
kinda fun here!" -Joel (as Tom). #312(GvG)
"You know how I love humans." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Higgins). #416(FMoOS)
"You know, I get the feeling Hercules is going to learn an important lesson
and kick some serious butt." -Joel. #502(Hercules)
"You know, I'm just guessing, guys, but since this is a Corman film we'd
better get used to this scenery." -Joel. #315(TC)
"You know, in retrospect, the luggage scene was really fascinating." -Tom
Servo. #608(CN:DH)
"You know, it's about this time in any killing spree that you really ought
to turn the gun on yourself." -Tom Servo. #512(Mitchell)
"You know, not kneeing you in the groin is a constant struggle." -Mike (as Lt.
Lewis). #603(tDTB)
"You know, people were whiter back then." -Joel. #510(L:tPH)
"You know, say what you want, but Claude Akins has a nice rump." -Joel.
#322(MN1)
"You know, sometimes I too am able to peer over the ledge of sanity and gaze
on the boundless beauty of psychosis and -- boy, is it dark!" -'Jack
Perkins'. #320.2(The Unearthly)
"You know, that may not really be Chinese." -Tom Servo. #515(tWWWoBW)
"You know, that spider's really neat, but there's something really
interesting on that wall over there..." -Joel. #313(EvtS)
"You know, the acoustics in that cotton field are fantastic." -Joel. #112(UY)
"You know the consequences of a body moving with unchecked velocity in free
space!!" "... Uh... We're our own grandparents?" -Hugh O'Brien/Crow (as
Lloyd). #201(RXM)
"You know, there are certain flaws in this film." -Tom Servo. #424(M:tHoF)
"You know, these films are wierd." -Tom Servo. #316(GvZ)
"You know, this Home Economics film really took a wierd turn somewhere along
the line..." -Tom Servo. #317(VWatSS)
"You know, this is Bela's best scene, and he's not even in it!" -Crow.
#423(BotM)
"You know what burns my butt? A flame about this high." -Joel (as skinny
comic-relief guy). #308(GvG)
"You know what the fellow says -- drink and be merry, for tomorrow we
die!" "It's not that funny when it's *true*, Ed." -Guy in Bar/Crow (as
another Guy in Bar). #602(IUSA)
"You know what this is, don't you? It's fear of a short red planet is what
it is!!" -Tom Servo. #505(tMVoS)
"You know what would be a really funny routine? -- if we could somehow make
the audience members... question their love for their spouses!" -Crow.
#422(tDtEF)
"You know, when I was a boy, we didn't *have* fast movies. Sometimes, we had
to wait three or four *hours* for something to happen!" -Mike. #517(tBotE)
"You know, you can only apply one-sixth the tongue on the moon." -Crow.
#524(12ttM)
"You know, you'd think if he was going to rule the world he'd choose a better
spot than a cave." -Joel. #107(RM)
"You know, your records just don't sound the same once they've been through a
space-warp." -Crow. #K09(CP)
"You'll eat at 6:30, and your dinner takes an hour and a half to cook. The
Nazis will be on you by then." -Crow (as Mrs. Adams). #610(tVY)
"You'll start immediately, you'll work 24 hours a day, you'll live on the
premises in a 3-by-3 closet, and you'll be paid in skunk pelts."
-Dr. Forrester. #523(VotG)
"You look at it; I'm bitter." -**. #208(LC) et al.
"You may get burnt on this ride." -Joel. #422(tDtEF)
"You normally find this sort of thing on pay-per-view!" -**. #503(SD)
"Your brother died a watery death. Well, gotta go!..." -Crow (as Maj. Baird).
#319(WotCB)
"You're a disgrace to all Kens." -Crow. #310(FA)
"You're assuming I liked you in the first place." -Crow (as Tom Stewart).
#414(Tormented).
"You're dressed as a space-angel. Why?" -Joel (as Neil Connery). #508(OD007)
"You're listening to KPORN -- sleazy, slutty music all morning long..." -Tom
Servo (as radio DJ). #513(tBtWD)
"You're lucky my chick's here..." -Crow. #K09(CP) et al.
"You're new here, aren't you, Elvis..." -Crow (as Dr. Faroe). #104(WotPP)
"You're our most dangerous friend." -Mike (as Ben). #522(TCW)
"You're really stupid if you get hit by a car after the apocalypse." -Crow.
#403(CL)
"You're wierd, which results in creativity." -Crow. #317(VWatSS)
"Your father was a great man -- and an even better side dish." -**. #110(RH)
"Your mother was aboard Cosmos 3!" "Yeah, well *your* mother swims out to
troop ships!" -Linda/Tom Servo (as Tang). #104(WotPP)
"You said 'bowling ball' earlier. What did that mean?" -Crow. #306(TotA)
"You seem to be excellently equipped." "Thank you! I didn't think you could
tell through these trousers." -Prof. Fitzgerald/Tom Servo (as Dr. Cameron).
#103(MM)
"You see, when a spaceship loves a space station *very* much..." -Tom Servo.
#417(CotM)
"You see, when lackeys turn on their masters they become bulletproof." -Tom
Servo. #607(Bloodlust!)
"You should never drink 10W-30 in the summer." -Crow. #202(Sidehackers)
"You think they're gonna be comic relief? I just have a feeling." -Joel.
#104(WotPP)
"You've been *following* this?!?" -**. #412(HatCW)
"You've violated ape law!" -Crow (as the King). #411(tMS)
"You want me to -- scratch my butt??" -Joel (as a Cop). #311(ICtW)
"You want to unpack that one for me, son?" -Tom Servo (as Tom Grant).
#522(TCW)
"Yummy noise!" -Dr. Forrester. Pizza 'N' Pasta commercial, seen during
#K09(CP)
"Ziggy had Garfield neutered?! Now *that's* funny!" -Joel. #424(M:tHoF)
Compiled by: Michael J. Zavisca (mjzavisc@eos.ncsu.edu)
Last updated: October 10, 1994.
_Mystery Science Theater 3000_, its characters and situations are copyright
1993 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any
copyrights held by Best Brains, Comedy Central, or its employees. The
information herein is subject to being wrong. This list is free to distribute
as long as this notice remains intact.
Go back to John's MST3K Page.