MiSTied: MAKE.MONEY.FAST
This work is (c) 1994 by Matthew Duhan. However, the original e-mail letter
being MiSTied is property of Bill Compitelo and David Rhodes. The names and
likenesses of Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy, Mike, Dr. Forrester, TV's Frank, the
Satellite Of Love, Magic Voice, and Cambot are (c) 1994 by Best
Brains, Inc. No infringement is intended. This is a work of Fan Fiction.
The Scene: Mike, Tom and Crow are lounging around the SOL.
Crow has a big paper mache pyramid on top of the table, with an eye on top.
CROW: So you see, by tying the Bavarian Illuminati in with e-mail, we're able
to reach thousands more unsuspecting fools to do my bidding. Hahaha!
MIKE: Um, Crow, do you think it is right to just decide the fates of millions
of people?
CROW: Sure, I called dibbs a few Christmases ago. You weren't here for that.
MIKE: Oh, OK, if you say so. Hi everybody, and welcome to the Satellite of
Love. Crow and Tom were just showing me their schemes for world domination,
if we ever manage to get down.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in 15 seconds.
MIKE: Now how about you Tom? What novel concept do you have?
TOM: Well, if you'll help me out a bit, I've prepared a little something.
[MIKE pulls up a series of sketches of outlandish costumes]
TOM: Now this is what I like to call "Domination through Fashion." As we all
know, Madonna and MTV have helped set the trends for thousands, just by
dressing differently. My idea goes one step further. It's hypnotic clothing
that forces the viewer to totally submit to the whims of the wearer. You see,
much as a computer sees information as a series of 1's and 0's...
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in 5..4..3..2..commercial sign now.
MIKE: We'll be right back.
[Commercial break]
[The SOL]
TOM: Now this last one I like to call "Pirate of the high hills" Note the
green tunic...
[light flashes]
CROW: Uh, Mike, the mad scientists are calling.
MIKE: But we just did a movie. What do they want now?
TOM: Humor them. It'll at least keep them happy.
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Ah, hello Mr. LABRAT! And how are we today? Miserable I hope?
[SOL]
MIKE: Not too bad. But what do you want? We just did a movie.
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: A movie, yes, but a posting? I think not. Get used to it, monkey boy,
you're going to be getting a lot of deep hurting very shortly. But first,
the invention exchange.
[SOL]
MIKE: Well, sirs. I was thinking about those days when I was a kid, and I'd
get all those cheesy plastic magic tricks from cereals. My favorite was the
one where you stick a piece of paper in the machine, and it turns into a
dollar bill. Well, with inflation what it is and everything, I invented a
more realistic machine. This time, you stick in a dollar bill, and all that
comes out is a worthless piece of paper. [He demonstrates]
TOM: Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Most impressive...NOT! Anyway, my invention will show you real pain.
It's a new program combining annoying letters with McElewaine postings. Now,
every time an "s" is replaced with a "$", it subliminally forces the reader
to send that much cash to the sender. Why, in one McElewaine posting alone
I managed to get $1,287 from Frank. Just imagine what happens when I unleash
it on the world! Hahahaha!
[SOL. MIKE looks confused]
MIKE: Um, That's great, I think. But who's this McElewaine?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Never mind. I'll save him for another time. Right now prepare yourself
for an electronic chain letter called "MAKE.MONEY.FAST."
[SOL. Movie Sign]
MIKE: Electronic letters? We do those too?
CROW: Yes! It's his latest fad.
TOM: Prepare for real deep hurting!
MIKE: Oh, we've got posting sign.
7..6..5..4..3..2..1..
In article <CGAqBv.vEK@sernews.raleigh.ibm.com>
compitel@prancer.raleigh.ibm.com
(Bill Compitelo / 3-4077 (COMPITEL@RALVM29) D30A/061) writes:
>Dear Friend,
TOM: That's a bit presumptuous. I don't even know you.
CROW: Maybe he's just everybody's friend.
MIKE: Will you be my friend?
> My name is Dave Rhodes.
All: Hi David!
> In September 1988 my car was
TOM: Stolen by Mitchell!
> repossessed
>and the bill collectors
CROW: You're name's David. Why were Bill collectors after you?
> were hounding me
MIKE: like dogs?
> like you wouldn't believe. I was laid
CROW: Ahem, please keep your private life out of this.
MIKE: Then what will he tell us?
>off and my unemployment checks had run out
TOM: So had my wife.
> . The only escape I had from
MIKE: reality?
> the
>pressure of failure was my computer and my modem.
MIKE: With everything repossessed but his computer and modem, can you really
call it an escape?
> I longed to turn my
>advocation into my vocation.
TOM: Hey, don't we all.
CROW: huh?
> This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day cruise to
>the tropics. I bought a Lincoln Town Car for CASH
CROW: What's CASH?
TOM: Coins And Shipping & Handling
MIKE: Children And Stupid Housewives?
CROW: Cruise And See Hawaii?
> in February 1989. I am
>currently building a home on the West Coast of Florida, with a private pool,
>boat slip, and a beautiful view of the bay from my breakfast room table and
>patio.
CROW: Amazing what he can accomplish once they repossess his computer and
modem. Now he actually does things!.
> I will never have to work again.
TOM: What do you call building a house?
> Today I am rich!
MIKE: Tomorrow I'll be a penniless bum.
> I have earned over
>$400,000.00 (Four Hundred Thousand Dollars)
CROW: See, the computer paid off, he can count now!
> to date
TOM: He's going to go out with all that money? Where will they go?
MIKE: What DO you get for the money that has everything money can buy?
> and will become a
>millionaire within 4 or 5 months.
TOM: I'm Charles Foster Kane!
> Anyone can do the same. This money making
>program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time.
MIKE: Um, could you verify this? I mean, you only did it once...
> I have NEVER failed to
>earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to
>leave home except to go to your mailbox or post office.
TOM: The money making scam! Don't leave home with out it.
CROW: Don't leave home.
> In October 1988, I received a lefter
MIKE: Is that instead of a righter?
> in the mail telling me
>how I could earn $50,000 dollars or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally
>very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my computer.
TOM: The desk hated me for the sins I'd committed that day, and never spoke
to me again.
> It's
>funny though, when you are desperate, backed into a corner, your mind does
>crazy things.
MIKE: All right copper. Don't corner me, see.
TOM: This is funny?
CROW: I guess his being crazy is funny.
TOM: Tell that to the nice people in the white coats.
> I spent a frustating day looking through the want ads for a job
>with a future.
CROW: What a crazy, funny, desperate thing to do!
MIKE: Well, he bought a paper when all he had was his computer and modem.
That's pretty crazy and desperate to me.
CROW: Yeah, especially in this economy.
> The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind
TOM: Like a top.
>by booting up my computer and calling several bulletin boards.
TOM: That's right, spend several hundred dollars calling various sites across
the country. What a great way to save money!
> I read several
>of the message posts and than glanced at the lefter
MIKE: He really needs to correct his righting.
CROW: Isn't that writing?
MIKE: Shh.
> next to the computer. All
>at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams.
CROW: It's a shiny new car!
> I realized that with the power of the computer I could expand
>and enhance this money making formula into the most unbelievable cash flow
>generator that has ever been created.
CROW: I'm the God! I'm the God!
> I substituted the computer bulletin
>boards in place of the post office
TOM: Didn't the government get upset at you moving all the post offices?
> and electronically did by computer what
>others were doing 100% by mail.
CROW: Are you sure it was 100%? Not 99.44%?
MIKE: No, that's Ivory. This is fraud. There's a difference.
> Now only a few lefters
MIKE: I still don't see why he's so abusive to lefties.
> are mailed manually.
All: Ewww...
>Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards
>throughout the world.
TOM: Mitchell!
> If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky
>break that you have waited for all your life,
CROW: Then tough luck. I've got all the money and power. I called dibbs.
> simply follow the easy
>instructions below. Your dreams will come true.
TOM: I hope not. I never want to have to wear that candy striper outfit again!
>
>Sincerely yours,
>Dave Rhodes
All: Bye, Dave!
>
>
>INSTRUCTIONS
CROW: Ohh, I bet this is the part we have to follow.
TOM: But it already follows the letter.
MIKE: Follow, follow, follow, follow,
All[sing]: Follow the yellow brick road.
>
>Follow these instructions EXACTLY,
CROW: If you do even one tiny thing wrong, then you blew it.
TOM: And of course the president will disavow any knowledge of your action.
> and in 20 to 60 days you will have received
>well over $50,000.00 cash, all yours.
MIKE: Except of course for Uncle Sam's cut.
> This program has remained successful
>because of the honesty and integrity of the participants. Please
CROW: In a money making scam!? Honesty and Integrity?
TOM[sings]: Just sittin' here in my Integrity...
MIKE: That's Integra.
TOM: oh.
>continue its success by carefully adhering to the instructions.
>Welcome to the world of Mail Order!
CROW: Is this an instruction to be followed EXACTLY?
> This little business is a little different
TOM: I'm not huge!
>than most mail order houses.
MIKE: Yes. Most mail order houses don't harass you with chain letters sent
electronically.
> Your product is not solid and tangible,
CROW: Neither is my brain.
> but
>rather a service. You are in the business of developing Mailing lists.
MIKE: I am?
TOM: Humor him. Pretend he's Dr. F.
> Many
>large corporations are happy to pay big bucks for quality lists.
MIKE: They are?
TOM: well...
>(The money made from the mailing lists are secondary to the income which is
>made from people like yourself requesting that they be included in that list.)
MIKE: That's funny. Most of the time I request to be taken off these stupid,
boring lists.
TOM: You know, this guy may be a relative of Clay.
>
>1) Immediately
TOM: If not sooner
> mail $1.00 to the first 5 (five) names listed below
>starting at number 1 through number 5.
CROW: Um, is that the first 5 (five) names listed below 1 through 5 or
including
1 (one) through 5(five)?
> Send cash only please
MIKE: Yes, we're not a real organization. We don't want to deal with pesky
things like checks or money orders.
> (total
>investment $5.00).
CROW: I knew that computer would pay off.
> Enclose a note with each letter stating:
>"Please add my name to your mailing list." (This is a legitimate
>service that you are requesting and you are paying $1.00 for this
>service).
MIKE: Is this to justify this to the FBI?
>
>2) Remove the name that appears number 1 on the list.
TOM: Wait a minute, Did he request to be taken off? I don't think so.
> Move the
>other 9 names up one position. (Number 2 will become number 1 and
>number 3 will become number 2, etc.
TOM: Who is number 1?
MIKE: You are number 6
> ) Place your name, address and
>zip code in the number 10 position.
>
>3) Post the new letter with your name in the number 10 position into
>10 (Ten) separate bulletin boards in the message base or to the file
>section, call the file, MAKE.MONEY.FAST.
CROW: At this rate, we'll fill every bulletin board within the first day.
>
>4) Within 60 days you will receive over $50,000.00 in CASH.
TOM: No, that's CA$H. Please, get it straight.
> Keep a
>copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and
>again whenever you need money.
CROW: Yes, if you're going to be corrupt why not be corrupt big time. Be
lazy and sloth. Just repeat your mistakes over and over so the whole world
sees. So what if they notice that it is the same letter? You'll be raking
in the cash!
> As soon as you mail out these
>letters you are automatically in the mail order business and people
>are sending you $1.00 to be placed on your mailing list.
MIKE: Don't you need a permit for that sort of thing?
> This list
>can than be rented to a list broker that can be found in the Yellow
>Pages for additional income on a regular basis. The list will
>become more valuable as it grows in size.
TOM: I'm huge!
CROW: Glen Manning, you come down off that mailing list.
> This is a service. This
>is perfectly legal.
MIKE: Well, um, ok, if you say so officers.
> If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18, Sec.
>1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.
TOM: Oh, are we supposed to rig the lottery now too?
>
>NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent to you,
>either on computer or hard copy, but do not discard the names and
>notes they send you. This is PROOF that you are truely providing a
>service and should the IRS or some other Government Agency question
>you, you can provide them with this proof!
MIKE: Of course, this is Just In Case.
>Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully
>followed, five members will be reimbursed for their participation as
>a List Developer with one dollar each.
MIKE: These instructions are like trying to program a VCR.
> Your name will move up the
>list geometrically so that when your name reaches the number five
>position you will be receiving thousands of dollars in cash.
>
>1. Mary Hu
MIKE: never heard of her.
> 1912 S. 5th #413
> Waco, TX 76706
CROW: Waco, hmm. Why am I not surprised?
>
>2. Elisha Landman MB
MIKE: An MB? how could you?
> 1087 Brandeis Univ.
> Waltham, MA 02254-9110
CROW: is it MB or MA? Make up your mind.
>
>3. John Frei
CROW: Does he pay for anything?
> 113 Westhampton Dr.
> Thornhill, Ontario
> CANADA L4J 7J6
>
>4. Claude Suddreth
> 131 West Jackson
> South Sapulpa, OK 74066
TOM: OK by me, you?
>
>5. Lirong Chen
> 124 Stanton Ave.
> Apt.6 Ames, IA 50014
>
>6. Angel Negron
CROW: Heh, what a devil.
> Box 4583
> USAFA,CO 80841
TOM: I understand. USAFA is trying to signal us.
>
>7. Paul Zimmerman
> 108 Black Rock Tpke
> Redding, CT 06876
>
>8. Scott MacFarland
MIKE: He's not from around here.
> 1224 E. Lemon #144
> Tempe, AZ 85281
>
>9. David Nilles
> P.O. Box 1829
> USAFA, CO 80841
CROW: Another USAFA. What is this, a conspiracy?
MIKE: Schpider.
TOM: Fnord.
>
>10. W. Compitello
> 106-2d Arbor Way
> Cary, NC 27513
>
CROW: These people are all losers. If you know one of these people, please
report yourself immediately.
>
>The following letters were written by participating members in this
>program.
MIKE: Brought to you by the letters C, $, and the number 8.
>
>To Whom It May Concern: About six months ago I received the
>enclosed post in letter form.
TOM: Is it a post or a letter?
> I ignored it.
MIKE: Good thinking.
CROW: Way to go, kid.
> I received about five
>more of the same letter within the next two weeks.
TOM: Obviously, I had been targeted as having no life and being gullible.
> I ignored them
>also.
TOM: I really was stupid, wasn't I?
> Of course, I was tempted to follow through and dreamed of
>making thousands,
MIKE: Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do!
> but I was convinced it was just another gimmick
>and could not possibly work.
TOM: I didn't know how right I was, until that Amway salesman came over.
> I was wrong! About three weeks later
>I saw this same letter posted on a local bulletin board in Montreal.
>I liked the idea of giving it a try with my computer.
CROW: Please. Didn't you at least think about a girl first?
> I didn't
>expect much because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as
>I, they wouldn't be too quick to part with Five Dollars.
CROW: Five Dollars, no. But 5 dollar$, why not.
> But, I buy
>lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing to show for
>it but ticket stubs.
TOM: well then you've been in the wrong province all these years.
> This week I decided to look at this as my
>weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the envelopes and mailed out
>one dollar in each as directed. Two weeks went by and I didn't
>recieve anything in the mail. The fourth week rolled around and I
>couldn't believe what happened! I can't say I received $50,000,
MIKE: Well, I could, but who'd believe me?
> but
>it was definitely well over $35,000! For the first time in ten
>years, I got out of debt. It was great. Of course, it didn't take
>me long to go through my earnings
CROW: I just went on a wild shopping spree. Now I'm in debt again.
> so I am using this excellent money
>opportunity once again. Follow the instructions and get ready to
>enjoy.
TOM: How do we enjoy? you get the money.
> Please send a copy of this letter along with the enclosed
>letter so together we can convince people who are skeptical that it
>really works! Good Luck, Charles Kust
MIKE: Why just wish Charles Kust luck?
CROW: Maybe he's a good friend.
TOM: Like Sally Struthers?
> St Agathe Que.
>
>Another lefter:
MIKE: I want a righty.
TOM: Enough already.
> I tried a similar program in which the cost was
>$5.00 per response. In that one the return was about 3%.
CROW: No deposit, no return
> Since I
>did not have a modem
TOM: Then how did you get this letter?
> I sent out letters regular mail. I created a
>few mailing labels and printed out all of the labels on pressure
>sensitive tape.
TOM: Huh?
> The first mailing that I used the $1.00 dollar per
>reponse approach I started to get return mail in just over one week!
>I sent out 200 letters instead of 100 that is required if you use
>the mail instead of the bulletin boards.
CROW: It didn't double a thing, and just made me feel foolish.
> Additionally, I included
>as many friends, relatives, classmates, that I could think of in
>order to encourage their participation if they happened to recognize
>my name, so my percentage of gain was higher.
TOM: Now I buy and sell my friends at will.
> I am trying again
>with 500 lefters to see if I surpass the $141,000 of the last time.
>You just won't believe it until you try.
TOM: You gotta try, girl. Live, damn it, live!
>Best Wishes, Mark Garner
>Dallas Texas
>
>Additional Notes:
MIKE: is this A Minor note?
CROW: Ugh!
> This system works equally well if mailed out
>manually. Mind you it takes more effort to hand address the
>envelopes and the cost goes up proportionately to cover the postage
>and envelopes.
CROW: So don't do it.
> You must also photo copy the instructions, cross out
>the name in number one position, write in your name in the number
>ten slot and change the rest of the numbers accordingly.
TOM: It's Jim Henson's Number Babies
> (it might
>be neater
CROW: They might be giants.
> to use white out or paste over the names.) In order to
>achieve the same results you must send out the $1.00 dollar to the
>first five names and then send out another 100 letters with copies
>of the program enclosed. It has been suggested
CROW: But not recommended by the FDA.
> not to put a return
>address on the outside of the envelope in order to encourage the
>recipient to open it.
TOM: Those wacky recipients.
> The return will approximate that then
>received from the posts listed on the bulletin boards.
>
>Hello, my name is Steve
All: Hi Steve!
> Peester.
CROW: Bet he had to go a lot.
> As you may have noticed I'm the
>tenth name on this list,
MIKE: And you're not, so there.
> so I do not have a rags-to-riches story to
>tell here. However, I did make a phone call to the 2nd name on this
>list, Ernest Goyette.
TOM: He told me to get a life, and that if I ever came near his land again
he'd pull out his 12 gauge.
> Did he have a rags to riches story to tell?
CROW: Why don't you tell us?
>Not exactly, but then I found out that he did not follow the
>instructions precisely.
TOM: Therefore, we had to sacrifice him to several hungry animals.
> You see, Ernest lost faith in the program
CROW: Earnest was a slacker.
>before he had finished following instructions. He only uploaded
>this file on one BBS, which happens to be operated by Darryl
>McGinnis, the 3rd name on this list.
MIKE: what a coincidence. It happened to be the guy who followed the
instructions.
> Ernest told me that he has
>received $92.00 to date (1/6/90). I realize this is far from the
>$50,000.00 promised at the first of this file,
CROW: Yes, I can add. Why do you ask me 7 times?
> yet one must keep two
CROW: And three keep four. Of course I can count.
>things in mind:
>1. $92.00 is almost 10 times his initial investment, and it only
>took about an hour of his time (there's nothing to lose).
TOM: except, of course, an hour of time...
>2. This program works mathematically on an exponential scale. In
>other words, for every one BBS that this file is uploaded onto, it
>should spread to at least ten other BBSs and possibly a whole lot
>more.
TOM: A BBS where apes evolved from men?
> So, if Ernest had uploaded his file on all ten BBSS, he
>should have at least gotten a hundred-fold of what he has, which
>would be $9200.00. Not bad for a few hours work and a $6.25
>investment (including postage).
>Finally, I would like to exhort
TOM: First you scam people, then you extort them?
MIKE: Um, that's exhort.
> those who become involved in this
>program to maintain its integrity by being honest. It is the only
>way that it can possibly
CROW: lead you down the road to hell?
> pay off. In other words, be sure to enter
>your name at the bottom of the list and not in one of the top five
>positions
CROW: Is this according to Dr. Ruth?
> (actually this would be robbing yourself
MIKE: Why not? You're robing everyone else.
> since it is while
>your name is in the lower positions that it gets multiplied
>exponentially over hundreds of BBSs). And, of course, send your
>$1.00 off
CROW: wait, do you mail a coupon? I'm confused.
> to the first five names. As I write this I have not made
>a penny
TOM: I'm a loser, you see.
> (that's because I have not uploaded this yet), but I thought
>you might like to hear from someone at the bottom of the list,
>instead of someone claiming rags-to-riches.
MIKE: Thanks, but it's not necessary
> I hope such is true,
>and I'm sure it will be if we all stick with it. The potential is
>definitely here!
MIKE: That's what Ross Perot said.
> P.S. Call me if you get rich.
>------------------------------------------------------------------
>Hello I am the current #1 0 on the list, I too am sceptical.
CROW: You do it, I'm sceptical.
> Well
>what do we all have to lose. It is worth a try in order to realize
>some substantial gain. Don't any of you out there want to upgrade
>your PC's.
TOM: No, I prefer Macs myself.
> I certainly do, but can't afford to.
CROW: That's why I'm turning to a life of crime.
> I hope that this
>program will make enough cash in order to buy a super system.
TOM: Oh, I want a super soaker system, with red lights, and a horn, and a big
bell on top.
>Nua Nicaj
CROW: Gehsundheit
>--------------
>Hey There! Glad your thinking about this seriously because I am!
>If all these people are making money then why not be included with
>them and get some also? Im going to be #1 0 on this list, and Im
>uploading it everywhere!
TOM: Everywhere?
All: It's everywhere, it's everywhere!
> If you have the access :) then follow
>through, upload it, and see what happens! Hey, Imagine
MIKE: All the people, living life in peace, woo hoo, woo hoo hoo.
> earning
>enough to buy a 486? or one of those high speed modems that cost
>hundreds of dollars? What about buying your OWN BBS ?
CROW: That's BB$!
> Who wouldnt
>want to be the Sys-Op of their VERY OWN board? I know I wouldnt
>mind :) What do you have to lose but 5 bucks compared to the
>hundreds and thousands you CAN make? I know Im down..
MIKE: Then take these brightly colored pills.
> Will you be
MIKE: My very special friend?
>the very next to EARN some cash?
>Talib Khan
All: Gehsundheit
>----------
>My name's David Parcel.
CROW: He gets too wrapped up in his work.
> I am the new number 10 on this list. I
MIKE: How many number 10s are there?
TOM: I am not a number, I am a free man!
>tried a program like this in the mail over a year ago, and never
>made a dime!
TOM: I was asking for dollar bills you see.
> please note however, that I DID NOT follow the
>instructions precisely and I cut corners because I really didn't
>have the
CROW: Patience?
MIKE: Gullibility?
> money to send out the large mailing. Now that I can try it
>via BBS, I will follow the instructions exactly. I have received
>dozens of
TOM: eggs, thrown through my window.
> mailings for programs like this. So I guess people really
>are making money at this.. Well, it's my turn.
MIKE: Mine! Mom!, You said it was my turn next!
> If you're reading
>this and you're skeptical, just ask yourself: WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO
>LOSE? (if you're anything like me, you haven't got much
MIKE: brains,
> ). GO FOR
>IT!
>-----------
>My name's Paul Marks. Now I'm the new number 1 0 on the list. I
>also tried a prothis
TOM: I tried an antithis, it cleared my cold right up.
> through the mail about two years ago. I mailed
>only two lefters to two of my friade
CROW: That's short for fried lemonade. It sells here for $50 a pop, plus
tax.
> $107 dollars. I know this will
>work! I'm very happy to see something like this again. KEEP THIS
>MOVING !
TOM[sings]: Movin' on up!
>-----------
>I am now number 10, and am also not sure
TOM: raise your hand if you're sure.
CROW: Aren't you glad you use dial? Don't you wish everyone did?
MIKE: America, show us your underalls!
TOM: Mike, I think we need another training session.
> about this. Let's all be
>honest and as Paul says, let's keep it moving. -Elisha Landman (if
>you don't try, you'll never know!)
>----------
>Well, now I am number 10, and it seems to be working.
CROW: How would you know?
> The only way
>this system can fail now is if you ignore it
TOM: Like system 7?
> and the exponential
>growth stops.
>- Dmitri Linde
>-----------
>Now I'm number 1 0, and I don't mind saying I'm *R*E*A*L*
TOM: But I want to be a real boy!
CROW: Jim Henson's REAL Babies.
> sceptical.
>However, I am willing to give it a try .... we'll wait and see!
>- Lirong Chen
>----------
>Hey, now I'm # 10. May the Force be with us all,
CROW: Is that when the unclear war was fought?
> as we begin in
>this our endeavor...
>- Angel Negron
>-----------
>Howdy! Wonder how Elisha Landman is doing...
CROW: She's dead, thanks for asking.
>- Hugh MacMullan
>-----------
>I've got good news for y'all.
TOM: This letter is almost over?
> I called up the number one on my list, to find
>out if he'd made any money. I kind of expected him to say
MIKE: That he was bankrupt.
> that he'd made
>maybe at tops a couple thousand (which would be great, but a far cry from the
>promised fifty!) but it turns out that he's made far more!
MIKE: More than 50 thousand, or more than a cry?
> While still more
>than $10000 away from that figure, he said that things have been picking up,
CROW: It helps when you have a large crane.
>and he expects it to be pretty close!! Unbelievable.
TOM: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it
means.
> I just sent out my five
>envelopes about five minutes ago,
CROW: Five and five, the Bavarian Illuminati? FNORD!
> and I look forward to hearing from some
>of you in the not so distant future :-)
All: Next Sunday, A.D.?
>- Scott MacFarland
>
TOM: Guys, we gotta go.
>
1..2..3..4..5..6..7
MIKE: Wow, that was bad. Why did I have to sit through that?
TOM: Mike, in a few months, you'll think that was a cake walk compared to the
McElewaine postings.
MIKE: So who is this McElewaine, anyway?
CROW: Let$ ju$t SAY that you don't want to MEET him in a dark alley LATE
at night. He'$ kind of a REJECT from the $ame mad $CIENTI$T league that
ha$ Dr. F and FRANK a$ MEMBER$.
TOM: In the meantime, off to the training room for you. What did you think,
sirs?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Hmm, a chain$aw letter, not bad. Until NEXT time, booby.
[rev of Deep Hurting chainsaw]
[]
What do you think, sirs?
Matt
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