U.S.A. will soon be in the hands of dictator!

MIKE:  Oh no!  We've got Posting Sign!


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In article <2tlq81INNhne@no-names.nerdc.ufl.edu> u3013agc@elm.circa.ufl.edu (Shueer) writes:
>
>The road to dictatorship, one wicked step at a time.

CROW:  Why don't they look?  *Why don't they look*?!?!?

>If we were a group of wicked old goblins ...

TOM:  There you go with that "wicked" stuff again!

>                                     ... sitting on 
>executive chairs in the most luxury office in the 
>world, ...

MIKE:  The "most luxury office"?

>   ... plotting the destruction of independent thinking 
>and the freedom of speech, and planning our dictatorship,

TOM:  ... and I will rule the world!  Wa ha ha ha!

>these are the steps we would take.

TOM:  Paint everything a dull shade of gray?
MIKE:  Cancel Howdy Doody?
CROW:  Put out a recall on the Pogo Stick?!

>One, we would make everyone in debt, both public 
>and private. ...

TOM:  \
MIKE:  >  Oh.
CROW: /

>         ...  A large public debt is a good excuse 
>for not helping the poor. ...

MIKE:  Darned poor, why when I was their age --

>                      ... It is the best excuse 
>to deny governmental responsibility. ...

CROW:  Darned government, why when I was their age --
TOM:  You were *never* their age, Crow.
CROW:  Thpttttttt!  [raspberry to Tom]

>                                 ... Private debt 
>is the best mean to keep the poor forever poor and 
>the rich forever rich.

CROW:  Oh yeah?  Tell that to Rocky Balboa in Rocky Five!

>
>Two, we would deny our citizens a national health plan.

TOM:  Health insurance!  In case you get healthy!

>We can suck all your hard working money back when 
>you are dying from illness. ...

MIKE:  Y'know, my money does work pretty darned hard.

>                        ... We would give ourselves
>the best health care in the world so that we are 
>always superior and you are always inferior.

CROW:  Because if you're sick, ya see, then, ah, we're superior and
       you're inferior!
TOM:  It's funny!

>
>Three, we would have a court system that favors 
>money only. More money means better lawyer. Of
>course, our lawyer is the best because we are 
>the richest people in the world.

TOM:  Boy, that *one lawyer* sure is going to be busy!

>
>Fourth, we would complicate all the laws and make
>all the lawyers so rich that only we know what's 
>really right or wrong, and only our lawyers can 
>interpret the law.

TOM:  Well, I'm sold.  Sign me up for law school.

>
>Fifth, we would make every one to believe that they
>live in heaven. Everyone comes here to steal your 
>jobs. What you got has been the best, so don't question
>us and you can't ask for more.
>
>Sixth, we would use our controlled media to pit 
>race against race, minorities against minorities, 
>black against black, ...

CROW:  I guess "black" doesn't qualify as a race or as a minority, then.

>                 ... South Korean against North Korean, 
>the young against the old, gay against non-gay. 
>Therefore, all of you always hate one another. 
>Anytime we saw any conflict got out of hand, we would
>create more conflicts so that you don't have any 
>energy left for us. We would create another Cold War
>if necessary. In fact, our legal system serves this 
>goal well.

TOM:  Well, I'm sold.  Sign me up for law s--
CROW:  We *know*, now pite down, bubble head!
TOM:  Hey!

>
>Seventh, we would make our economical system ...

MIKE:  An economical system?  Is that a system that everybody laughs at?
CROW:  No, it's a system that gets great gas mileage.
TOM:  You're both wrong, it's a system from the pages of H. P. Lovecraft's
      fictitious demonic tome, the Economicon!
MIKE:  Guys, it can be ALL these things, and more.

>                                         ... and 
>military to rely on expensive machine instead of 
>people. People can question us and machine can not.

TOM:  Say WHAT, paleface?
CROW:  Who you calling unquestioning?!

>In case there are uprising, robots and supercomputers 
>would replace you.

MIKE:  Yep, he's right, our armies should be more Human.
TOM:  Uh huh.  America should equip its soldiers with nothing but
      their bare skins.  They'd make a MUCH more formidable fighting
      force that way.
MIKE: \
CROW:  > ... NOT!
TOM:  /

>
>Eighth, we would use our controlled media to attack 
>religions that teach rationality. Religions that 
>do not allow singing and dancing are much harder to
>use your emotion. ...

TOM:  Huh?
MIKE:  What'd he say?
CROW:  I dunno, my grammar checker just barfed on it.
TOM:  Something about Presbyterians using their emotion?

>              ... They can not be served as 
>spiritual cocaine. Our controlled media would attack 
>religion that tries to outlaw gambling, prostitution, 
>and drug all over the world. ...

MIKE:  Oh, yeah, the American media just LOVES to attack groups
       that come out against drugs, prostitution, and gambling.
TOM:  \
MIKE:  > ... NOT!
CROW: /

>                         ... and we would label their 
>believers as terrorists and their honest spokesman as hater.

CROW:  That *one spokesman* must be about as busy as that one lawyer!
MIKE:  Say, you know, where's the "rationality" Mr. Shueer is talking about
       in religions that want to outlaw things that are *already* illegal
       in most parts of the world?
TOM:  Yeah, and I hardly think of these morally self-righteous sin-and-
      hellfire preachers as being honest spokespeople of rationality.
CROW:  Ah, but that's how the Controlled Media WANTS you to feel!  It's
       the half-crazed extremists that are the REAL underdogs!

>
>Ninth, we would promote sexual liberation and

TOM:  \
MIKE:  >  SEXUAL LIBERATION?  EW!!!!
CROW: /

>violence with our controlled media. We would 
>allow ANYTHING in this country as soon as you 
>are not against our authority. ...

CROW:  But until that time, you'll just have to put away
       that Parcheesi board.

>                           ... It is easier to 
>control our political opponents with the MORAL 
>crime they committed. We would allow gambling 
>and prostitution as soon as the business are 
>controlled by our hidden KKK members. ...

MIKE:  The Krazy Kandy Korns?  When did *they* get into it?
TOM:  No, Mike, he means that Klear Konniption Krusaders!
MIKE:  Oh.

>                                  ... We would
>allow drug abuse in your community as soon as the 
>drug supply are controlled by our CIA. ...

TOM:  Seen it.
CROW:  Hated it.
MIKE:  Taped it.

>                                   ... We would 
>use our police to convict minorities so that they
>never have the chances of finishing school. ...

TOM:  So let this be a lesson to our Men in Blue; if you see someone --
      particularly a minority -- carrying a gun to school, leave him or
      her alone, or he/she will never get a high school diploma.

>                                        ... We 
>would allow a high crime rate as soon as our FBI 
>spends more time on black political leaders than 
>the real criminals. We would refuse to disarm KKK, 
>the last loyal reserve of our invisible empire.

MIKE:  Those darned Klandestine Killer Krows again.
CROW:  You talkin' to me?
TOM:  [whispering, to Crow]  Only if you've taken on a sudden affinity
      for wearing white sheets.

>We would protect our hidden KKK members by refusing
>reparation for the victim of police brutality. 
>We would encourage drinking in every possible way. 
>At least it is less harmful, but more effective than
>cocaine.

MIKE:  Didn't we try outlawing alcohol once?
TOM:  Yeah, um, the Ladies Temperance something, prohib-tution or
      something like that?

>
>Finally, we would impose our new world order 
>on other countries by stealing the name of democracy 
>and God. ...

CROW:  [booming voice]  Hello, this is God.  Stop stealing my name.
       You're making my theft insurance rates go through the roof,
       and you KNOW how high MY roof is!

>         ... When all the elites of other countries are
>doing the same thing, we would be safe forever. 
>By that time, we would make you slaves and you 
>would not be in condition to rebel.

TOM:  ... and I will rule the world!  Wa ha ha ha ha!

>
>Naturally, we are not a group of dictators, just
>a group of average human beings, but if any of above
>sounds familiar to you, then you should be alert.

TOM:  Be alert!
CROW:  America needs more lerts!
 
>If you don't do something now, it will be too
>late when you are not in any condition to rebel.


CROW:  That's *it*?  It's *over*?
MIKE:  I got the ending, but I didn't get the ending!
TOM:  Well, that was a real turd.  Let's get out of here.


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CROW:  You know, Mike, I really don't get what it was that
       this Shueer person was complaining about.  I mean,
       the title says this post is supposed to be about the
       U.S.A., but I didn't see the U.S.A. appear anywhere in
       it!
MIKE:  Well, Crow, he was trying to say that all those nasty
       things that dictators *would* do are actually going on
       right now in the U.S..
CROW: [deadpanned look directly into Cambot]  Oh.
MIKE:  And I have to admit that I agree with him on a lot of
       the points he makes.
TOM:  Huh?
MIKE:  I mean, before the Mads put me here in orbit with you,
       I *was* living in a country where everyone thought they
       were in the greatest place on Earth.  And we had no
       guarantee of health coverage, and a huge national debt,
       and private debt was considered a way of life, and, well,
       the poor stayed poor and the rich stayed rich at their
       expense.
TOM:  WHAT?!?  Oh, for crying out in the beer!  Mike, this poster
      doesn't have the slightest grasp of even the most basic
      economic principles!  Government sponsored programs are
      NEVER as efficient as private sector solutions!  Shueer
      in todays experiment is busy crabbing about the fact that
      not everybody has health insurance, and he hasn't even
      devoted one lousy neuron to thinking about why health costs
      are so high that we need insurance to begin with!  Hah!
      He'd probably even bitch that we're not giving enough money
      to the poor!
MIKE:  Huh?
TOM:  We're giving away too many fish and not enough fishing poles,
      that's what I say!
CROW:  I think he's losin' it, Mike.
TOM:  And what's all this crap about the media inciting violence?!
      The media only show what the average scum-infested viewer is
      willing to tune in to!  It's the people's fault, not the
      media's!
MIKE:  I think you're right, Crow.
TOM:  Revolution in the modern world always results in a worse
      government afterward!  You can't cure society's ills without
      first curing the individual members of society!  Don't give
      up the ship!  To dream the impossible dream!  Wahahahahahaaa!
      All's fair in love and war!  Never buy a pig in a poke!

[Mike and Crow drag Tom out-of-frame]

TOM:  Aaaaah!  A stitch in time saves nine!  A rolling stone gathers
      no moss!

MIKE: [poking his head back into frame]  What do you think, sirs?

Roger M. Wilcox - tracer@netcom.com