MST Adventures MiSTied!

[The SoL.  Mike, Tom and Crow.  Mike is holding the net.kooks talking 
keychain from the MiSTing of Cosmic Awareness.]

TOM: I'm _sorry_ I got the wires crossed.  Maybe if my arms worked...
MIKE: 'Sokay.  If I'd read up on my net.kooks, I'd have spotted the 
problem right off.  Hannu. [presses button]
KEYCHAIN: Wanna see GIFs of my daughter's space-potato theories?
MIKE: Abian. [presses button]
KEYCHAIN: We must put Venus in Earth's orbit _now_ for a new Golden Age!

[Comm sign.]

MIKE: Oh joy.  Squatt and Baboo are on the six-sided squawk box.
CROW: I'll get it.  [moves over toward the hexfield]
MIKE: _I'm_ the human, _I'll_ get it. [presses button] We read you, 
Zordon.

[D13.  Dr.F and TV-F as usual.]

DR.F: Good evening, Mister Nelson!  Tonight, through the miracle of 
Fourth-Wall-o-Rama, we give you, as an experiment -- _yourselves!_

[SoL.  Mike looks confused.]

MIKE: Run that by me again?

[D13.  Dr.F in Lecture Mode.  Frank holds up visual aids.]

DR.F: It's very simple, Mister Nelson.  You and your bot colleagues, 
and Mister Robinson, have been made participants in a series of fan 
fictions by a gentleman who has followed our experiments.  When this 
came to our attention, we followed up on it -- and, voila!  A grand 
experiment presented itself!

[SoL.  Mike nods.  Crow nods.  Tom would nod if his head worked.]

MIKE: So instead of Captain Picard or Duncan MacLeod up there, it'll be 
me.  Great.
TOM: Stop the Satellite!  We must get out and jump up and down and up and 
down and dance around and around! ["Droopy Dog" voice]: Y'know whut?  I'm 
happy.
MIKE: We've got post-modernism sign!

>From gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu Tue Apr 19 23:54:38 1994
>Date: Tue, 19 Apr 1994 12:58:38 -0400 (EDT)
>From: Mortimer Gomez Addams <gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu>

TOM [Gmoez voice]: Dirty pool, old man!  I like it!

>To: jdfalk@cais.com
>

CROW: Get the Falk off my Cais, man!
MIKE: I pray to "Bob" nobody reads that out loud.

>Mystery Science Theater Adventures
>#101 -- The New Beginning

TOM: But isn't being new the whole point of a beginning?
MIKE: Not in the X-books.

>Copyright 1994 by Kevin Days
>Mystery Science Theater 3000 and characters
>	Copyright 1989, 1994 Best Brains Productions
>

MIKE: You own your own words.

>September 1995...
>The scene : Station Deep 13 -- Gizmonics Institute

TOM: But Deep 13 isn't at the Institute.
MIKE: Quiet; your retcon is showing.

>Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank are looking over a monitor.
>
>FORRESTER:  Aha!  I knew it!  After 2 years of searching, we've found him!
>

TOM: I found the Lord in prison.  He was doing a dime for failing to file 
tax returns.

>FRANK:  Who, Steve?
>
>FORRESTER:  That pain in my side, Joel Robinson!  He was going to slap a major
>            lawsuit on me!  It would have exposed our whole operation!  

CROW: C'mon, Steve, the scars can't be _that_ bad!

>But he
>	    made a major mistake, I found him first!
>
>FRANK:  So what are you going to do with him?
>

TOM [sings]: We'll send him cheesy movies, the worst ever made...

>FORRESTER:  You'll see....ha ha ha!
>
>(The Satellite Of Love....Mike and the bots are getting ready for the
>movie of the week)
>
>MIKE (looking into Cambot):  Hello and welcome to the Satellite Of Love.  I'm
>      Mike Nelson and these are my friends Tom, Crow, and Gypsy.
>
>(Cambot shakes)
>
>MIKE:  Oh!  Of course I couldn't forget you, Cambot.....This week Tom is
>       exploring a previously unknown section of the Satellite.
>
>TOM (in full exploring gear):  Tonight we will be exploring the depest bowels
>     of the Satellite of Love...a place that is so vile, so unspeakable that
>     it simply cannot be spoken of!
>
>MIKE:  You're only going to the place where the food is made!
>
>TOM:  I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK OF IT!!!  It is just too scary!
>
>GYPSY:  Good luck!
>
>(Tom dashes off, then comes back 5 seconds later)
>
>TOM:  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  The view was just too much....there was....LIVER!!!
>
>ALL:  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
>

MIKE: Are they screaming or sighing?
CROW: Sighing.  Screaming is spelled "AAAIIIEEE!" except when it's spelled 
      "YES! YES! YES!"

>MIKE:  Let's calm down...The mads are calling us!
>

MIKE: What, no clever nickname for them like "Milk and Cheese"?

>(Mike pushes the button)
>

TOM: Frank _is_ the button!

>FORRESTER:  What's the matter, Nelson, can't take a bit of liver?  Frank can!
>
>(Forrester feeds liver to Frank, who eats it and makes faces of disgust)
>
>FRANK (sarcastic):  Uh...YUM!!   It...is...so....good!!!
>

CROW: Burp me, baby; make me write bad checks.

>FORRESTER:  Well, yes, it's time now for the invention exchange.  What do you
>	    have?  huh??
>

TOM: The Nostalgia-tron.  You press the button, and it says, "I already
miss the Invention Exchange."

>MIKE:  What we have here is an invention I like to call the CD Shredder...it
>       takes old CDs that you no longer care for and shreds them into tiny
>       pieces that you can then use for prismic decorations.  What do you 
>       think, sirs?
>

MIKE: I think he should have included a description of what the prop was 
      made from.

>FORRESTER:  You call that in invention?  Well, THIS is an invention!  It is a
> 	    matter-energy transporter and it can transport anything from 
> 	    anywhere in the world...watch.......Frank, set the controls for
>	    Sydney, Australia.
>

MIKE: Well, there's your first sign that this story is clueless.
TOM: Yeah, the Mads could never invent anything that useful.

>(Frank sets the controls and Forrester brings the machine to life.  Within
> seconds, Joel appears on the transporter pad)
>
>JOEL:  What the--?!
>

MIKE: More to the point, _why_ the--?!

>FORRESTER:  I DID IT!!!!  I DID IT!!!  I GOT JOEL BACK!!  You thought you
>	    were going to bilk me of my money??  Think again!  HA HA!   Frank,
>	    get that shutle ready!
>
>JOEL:  How did I get here?
>

TOM: It's Plot Convenience Theatre!

>(Forrester conks Joel on the head with a frying pan and Frank puts him in the
> shuttle)
>

TOM [sings]: Person man, person man/Hit on the head with a frying pan...

>FORRESTER:  3....2....1....LAUNCH!!!!
>

CROW: Gentlemen -- launch your lunch!

>(Frank hits the launch button....Mike and the bots stare at their communi-
> cation screen blankly)
>
>TOM:  I...I can't believe it!
>

TOM: If my arms worked, I'd _hit_ this guy.

>GYPSY:  Poor Joel!
>
>CROW:  At least he knows he has friends here.
>

CROW [sings]: Gotta have a friend that you can trust/Gotta have a friend 
     in Jeezus...

>MIKE:  Can't they just be a little more original?  That's how they got ME 
>       here!
>

MIKE: Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of Deja Vu.
CROW: I liked that game, but not as much as "A Mind Forever Voyaging".

>
>
>DECEMBER 1995
>Scene:  The Satellite Of Love
>
>(Joel and Mike are getting the bots all dressed up in tuxedos)
>

TOM: This is _so_ humiliating.  _Another_ reason to wish my arms worked.

>JOEL:  Ok, the mads said this was to be a formal occasion.
>
>CROW:  But why do we have to wear these suits?  I look like a penguin!
>

CROW: Yeah, but most penguins don't get cable TV in their heads.

>MIKE:  Because you have to wear a tux at all formal occasions
>
>(Gypsy arives in a dress)
>
>TOM:  Now we just have to wait for the mads to call.
>
>(The light blinks on the console...Joel pushes it)
>

MIKE: This _post_ is pushing it.

>FORRESTER:  I see you are all dressed up for the occasion, because I have 
>	    good news.....you have no movie 720 this week!
>
>JOEL, MIKE, BOTS:  NO MOVIE???!!!
>

MIKE: All dressed up and no flicks to show.

>FORRESTER:  That's right...we've run out of cheesy movies here at Deep 13, so
>	    my experiment is finished, and may I say I like the results!
>

CROW: _Another_ fake.  They'll _never_ run out of movies!

>MIKE:  So I guess that means we get to come home, right?
>

MIKE: Please please please...

>FORRESTER:  WRONG!  Because then you'll tell the authorities about my exper-
>	    iments!  I'm simply going to let you go!  It was nice knowing you
>	    all.  I hope you rot in space!  BYE!
>

TOM: Catch _me_ sending you any Christmas cards!

>(Frank pushes his button.  Numerous warning lights go off in the Satellite)
>
>GYPSY:  He's severed control, 

CROW: Get the Depends!

>we're breaking out 

TOM: In a rash!

>of orbit!!
>
>MIKE:  Can you steer us back?
>

CROW: No, but I can back a steer!

>GYPSY:  The Satellite has no steering control! 
>

TOM: And it's heading right for that space-shuttle!

>JOEL:  Then that means.....
>

CROW: It's a danger to itself and others!

>CROW:  WE'RE DRIFTING HELPLESSLY THROUGH SPACE!!
>
>ALL:  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
>

CROW: Y'know, most people scream instead of sighing at times like this.

>
>
>JANUARY 1996
>Scene:  The Satellite Of Love -- Out of food
>
>MIKE:  If I go another day without food, I'll die!
>

MIKE: By this time my brain was aching for air.

>JOEL:  Same here!
>
>TOM:  Ah! Cheer up!  It's only been 3 days!
>

CROW: Ba-dump-bump.

>MIKE:  Easy for you to say, you're robots!  You don't need to eat.
>
>JOEL:  Bots, I think there is only one thing to do if we are to survive.  Put
>       me and Mike in the cryogenic chamber.
>

MIKE: Cryogenic chamber?  Where's that again?
TOM: Right behind the box of Hamdingers.

>GYPSY:  Are you sure?
>

TOM: Well, then again, it _could_ be out by Rocket #9...

>JOEL:  Positive.  Once we're rescued, we'll be unfrozen.
>

TOM: Yeah, those hungry aliens like their dinners _hot_...

>(Tom and Crow open up the cryogenic chamber and Joel and Mike climb in.  They
> then close the chamber and set it to 'freeze')
>
>CROW:  Well, they're frozen.....but for how long???
>
>
>THEME --

TOM: Follow my bouncing head!

>In the not too distant future, December of '95
>Dr. Forester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive

MIKE: Film Watchers -- _This_ is living!

>His experiments complete at last
>Severed ties with the Satellite real fast
>It drifted off to an unknown place
>The Satellite Of Love was lost in space 
>

TOM: Danger, Joel Robinson!  Danger!

>Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years
>The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier

MIKE: Space...the _final_ frontier.  These are the voyages of the 
FanFic "Secondprize"...

>Now keep in mind the S.O.L. was about to meet its end
>So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike, along with their robot friends....
>
>ROBOT ROLL CALL
>Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Croooow!
>
>Now in a refitted S.O.L., they tour the Milky Way
>And think to yourself, "It's just a file", and let the story go where it may
>

MIKE: I'd rather it went there without me.

>On Mystery Science Theater Adventures!!
>
>
>
>JANUARY 2370
>Scene:  A scout ship in the Rigel system
>
>(A navigator notices an anomaly on his scope)
>

CROW: It's the subspace shortcut the Borg used!

>NAVIGATOR:  Sir, you better see this!
>

TOM [Picard voice]: On main viewer.

>(the captain walks over to the screen)
>
>CAPTAIN:  What is it?
>
TOM [shouts]: It's it!
CROW [sings]: What iz itt?
MIKE: _My_ life is falling to pieces.  Somebody put me together.

>NAVIGATOR:  Unknown, sir, but it's shaped like an old Earth dog bone!
>
>CAPTAIN:  A dog bone??  Ae you sure?
>
>NAVIGATOR:  Positive.  It's just drifting.
>
>(Satellite of Love appears on their screen)
>

CROW: Wasn't this a _first_ season story?
TOM: It still had the Borg in it.

>COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER:  Sir...it's a message from a nearby enemy ship.  They
>			 demand the small bone ship under space salvage
>			 laws. 
>

MIKE: We claim your ship under the Ferengi Salvage Code -- and your little 
     dog too.

>(Enemy ship appears and moves toward the Satellite Of Love)
>
>CAPTAIN:  Over my dead body...prepare to engage them.  

CROW: But you've just been introduced!  Don't rush things!

>Open a channel.
>
>(Communications Officer opens a line to the enemy ship)    
>
>
>CAPTAIN:  This is Captain Bytor of the Dominion Starship 

TOM: Snowdog!

>Vanges.  Release your
>	  claim of the unknown vessel, you are in Dominion space!
>

MIKE: And the Jem'Hadar will be here any second!

>ENEMY CAPTAIN:  This is Vaarg, captain of the Assembly Starship Toraz!  The
>	        space salvage laws dictate that this ship is mine!!
>

CROW: Didn't they already say that?

>(The Toraz locks a tractor beam on the Satellite Of Love and starts to
>pull it closer)
>
>BYTOR:  Your space salvage laws do not apply to Dominion space! (to weapons 
>	officer) Prepare to fire on the Assembly vessel!
>
>WEAPONS OFFICER:  Aye, sir!
>

MIKE: Request permission to clean up the bridge.
TOM: Request permission to blow up my head.

>(The Vanges fires on the Toraz.  The tractor beam is disengaged)
>
>BYTOR:  Again.....fire!
>
>(The Vanges fires again...direct hit)
>
>BYTOR:  Now, Vaarg, do you release your claim or do we get rough??
>

CROW: Starship captains _have_ to say macho things like that.  It's one of 
     the first things they learn at the Academy.

>VAARG:  You have won this round, Captain Bytor, but the war is far from over!
>
>(Toraz retreats back into Assembly space)
>

TOM: Where he'll link up with Sancho Marin.
MIKE: Just hope he doesn't come back with a lame accent.

>BYTOR:  This is Captain Bytor to unknown vessel...identify yourself!
>
>(Silence)
>
>BYTOR:  Identify yourself or prepare to be boarded!
>

TOM: Gee, think maybe we should...scan for life-signs?
CROW: That would make sense.  We couldn't do that.

>(Silence)
>
>BYTOR:  OK...Drago, Rickter, Samms....with me.  We're boarding the vessel.  
>	What is the artificial atmosphere in there?
>
>RICKTER:  Sensors show nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere.....normal air.
>
>BYTOR:  Good.  Let's go!
>
>(Bytor and his landing party board the Satellite Of Love.  They materialize
> between doors 5 and 6)
>
>BYTOR:  Where are we?
>
>RICKTER:  Sensors show we are in a type of hallway that contains 6 chambers.
>

TOM: Is it just me, or is that guy supposed to have plastic skin?

>SAMMS:  Look, sir, this door's numbered 5
>

TOM: Oooohhh!  Number Five _alive!_

>DRAGO:  And this one's numbered 6!
>
>BYTOR:  Let's see what's behind door #6
>

CROW: A lifetime supply of bad fanfics!

>(Bytor and crew enter door 6 into another chamber of the hall)
>
>SAMMS:  This door must be the last one....number 7
>

TOM [sings]: Well, Lucky Seven Sampson, that's my natural-born name/And 
     if you asked me again, I'd have to tell you the same...

>(Bytor and crew go through door 7.  They see four rather aged robots and a
> cryogenic chamber)
>

MIKE: What does robot aging look like?
TOM: Will I get liver spots on my head?
CROW: Will my gold paint start to flake and fall off?

>BYTOR:  No wonder we didn't get an answer to our hails...there's nobody con-
>	scious to answer them.  Samms, get these robots operational, I want to
>	know what happened here.
>

MIKE: Well, sir, an almost-good writer had the idea of taking some folks 
     whose job is to comment on the action and making them the stars.

>(Samms starts to tinker with Tom Servo while Drago sets the cryogenic chamber
> to 'thaw')
>
>DRAGO:  Sir, there are human life forms in here.  

TOM: _Now_ he finds out where the people are.  Mister Data this guy ain't.
CROW: No, I think he's Riker.
MIKE: Can't be -- he's not fat enough.
TOM: How do you know?  He hasn't described any of these people.

>I'm thawing them out now.
>
>(Tom Servo comes on line)
>
>TOM:  Wh...wh...where am I?  

TOM: I'm on the Satellite, you yutz!  Jeez, we oughta sue this guy for 
     libel!

>Of course, I'm on the Satellite!  

TOM: I told you!

>Is it still 
>      2145?
>
>SAMMS:  Not quite
>
>TOM:  I see my internal clock-on-the-wall tells me that....IT'S TIME FOR 
>      DINNER!
>

CROW: I thought we established robots don't eat.
MIKE: Shh...you weren't supposed to notice.

>SAMMS:  Uh..you see..it's
>

MIKE [looks at his wrist]: Two hairs past a freckle.

>TOM:  Yes I know, It's also 2370.  I wasn't put together yesterday, you know!
>
>(Tom looks over at the other bots.  He rushes to Crow, still not reactivated)
>
>TOM:  Crow!  Buddy!  You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me!  I could
>      have stayed operational for a few more decades.
>

TOM [starts to hum that theme "The Real Ghostbusters" always used to give 
us in emotional moments]

>(Tom looks at Crow more closely)
>
>TOM:  Wait....his battery's NOT drained!  Then who downed Crow?  Let's see....
>      Gypsy downed Cambot in 2066, No use having a camera if there's no one to
>      see us, I downed Gypsy since we were already lost in space, Crow downed 
>      me...then...hmmm...I don't remember after that!  

CROW: Maybe that's because you'd been turned off!

>WAIT!  i almost forgot!
>
>SAMMS:  What?
>
>TOM:  Allow me to introduce myself, I am Tom Servo and you are aboard the
>      Satellite of Love
>

TOM [sings]: We have a thing...that's called Radar Love...

>(The cryogenic chamber is through thawing...Joel and Mike, somewhat disorient-
> ed, start to speak)
>

TOM: By this time my father's brain was aching for air...

>JOEL (looking up at Drago):  Who are you?
>
>DRAGO:  Commander Johnson Drago of the Dominion Starship Vanges.  We picked
>up
>	your ship on our scopes.  And you are...
>

CROW: Eye En Ay Tee Ee!
MIKE: Subtle, Crow.  _Real_ subtle.

>JOEL:  Joel Robinson of the Satellite of Love.  We have been frozen and drift-
>       ing since 1996.
>

MIKE: You should see the other 96 guys.  They were on the main ship.

>DRAGO:  1996??  We had no idea interplanetary space travel was possible in the
>	twentieth century.
>

TOM: You're not counting the Moon, then?

>JOEL:  It wasn't...we were orbiting Earth when our boss cut us off and we 
>       started to drift.  How's Mike?
>
>DRAGO:  Mike?
>

MIKE: Somebody call me by my first name and my first name?

>JOEL:  The guy in the other sub-chamber.
>
>DRAGO:  Medical scans say you are both fit as the proverbial fiddle.  I wish I
>	could say the same about your constructs.
>

TOM: "Constructs"?  Them's fightin' words!

>JOEL:  You mean the bots.
>
>DRAGO:  Yeah...One of them, the big purple one, has run out of 'juice'.  Mr.
>	Samms is trying to get them back on line.
>

TOM: Y'mean we lost our Net feed too?

>SAMMS:  I don't know about this 'Tom' robot...it must have some kind of circuit
>	loose.  It's raving like mad!
>

MIKE: He don't know you vewy well, do he?

>JOEL:  Don't worry, that's how he always is!
>

TOM: Hey, I resent that!  I don't deny it -- I just resent it.

>BYTOR:  I take it you are all from Earth.  It's really the only safe haven for
>	humans nowadays.  Well, that and the Dominion starships.
>
>MIKE (waking and stretching):  AH!  What a sleep that was!
>

MIKE: By this time my brain was _really_ aching for air...

>JOEL:  The what?
>
>BYTOR:  The People's Dominion of Star Systems, founded 2266.

TOM [Andy Rooney voice]: Did you ever notice how "People's" governments 
     get to thinking the government is the people that matter?

>	Do you realize you were almost Assembly Fodder?  Our enemies, the Outer
>	Assembly of Planets, have been trying to claim Dominion property by
>	their space-salvage laws ever since we annexed the Rigel system five
>	years ago.
>

TOM: They're trying to steal back what we rightfully stole!  Rassafrassin 
     varmints!
CROW: And we would have got away with it too, if it weren't for those 
     Meddling Kids and Their Dog!

>(Samms gets Crow back on-line)
>
>CROW:  GYPSY YOU FAKER!!  Oh!  I see we're being rescued.
>
>(Crow notices a squeak when he moves his arms)
>
>CROW:  I'm gonna need a major oil job when I get back to civilization.
>

CROW: By this time my arms were aching for oil...

>TOM:  Crow!  You're all right!
>
>CROW:  Yeah...Gypsy was never shut off at all!  What you turned off was her
>       vocal circuits.
>
>(Samms gets Cambot back on line and Cambot gets right in Samms' face.  Samms
> looks rather bewildered)
>
>TOM:  Oh, don't mind Cambot, he's just looking to see if you check out.
>
>SAMMS:  Check out?
>
>CROW:  Yeah, before we shut him off, he was getting a bit paranoid.  He was
>       afraid that someone was going to shut him off!
>

CROW: Now _where_ did he ever get _that_ idea?

>JOEL:  Cambot, calm down, these people are here to help us!
>

MIKE: Hi.  I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help you.
TOM: AAAAAAAHHHH!
CROW: I guess you _can_ spell a scream that way after all.  Just have more 
As than Hs.

>(Cambot gets in Joel's face, realizes who it is, then starts shaking up and
> down for joy!)
>
>JOEL:  What about Gypsy?
>
>SAMMS:  You mean the purple one?
>

MIKE: No, I said Gypsy, not Prince, not...how _do_ you pronounce that
     thing anyway?
TOM: _I_ don't.  & neither do U.

>JOEL:  Yes
>
>SAMMS:  Well, I can't do anything without power to its circuits.  We'll have to
>	take it aboard the Vanges and power it up.
>
>(Crow rushes to Gypsy's side)
>
>CROW:  Gypsy, you fool!  You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me!  I could
>       have gone on a few more decades...
>

MIKE: Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of Deja Vu.
TOM: I always liked "Planetfall" too.  I wanted to be Floyd when I grew up.

>TOM:  Wait....THAT WAS MY LINE!
>
>CROW:  So sue me
>
>TOM:  OK I think I will....is there a lawyer in the house??
>

TOM: If the lawyer I'm gonna sue this guy with is still around in 2370,
     you can have him.

>JOEL:  Come on, guys, I know it's been a long ride and a long time but I'm sure
>       you all can put aside any tension you may feel and...
>
>(Tom and Crow jump on Joel)
>

MIKE: Pigpile!  Pigpile!
TOM: Make it sexy now!

>MIKE:  Okay, that's enough!  Now can we let these gentlemen help us please?
>
>(Tom, Crow, and Joel freeze in place)
>
>MIKE:  That's better.
>
>BYTOR:  I think we should all port back to the Vanges.  Cadet, porting 10.
>
>(Bytor's crew and the Satellite crew port to the Vanges.  Gypsy is sent direct-
> ly to technical.  The Vanges puts a tractor beam on the Satellite.  Bytor 
> calls a meeting with the Satellite's occupants)
>

TOM: Conference!  Conference!

>BYTOR:  OK...who are you all?
>

MIKE: Well, you see, officer, it all started on the square Bizarro World 
     where everyone is an imperfect duplicate of Superman or one of his 
     friends...
TOM: On Bizarro Science Theater 3000.
CROW: Repeat to you self, "It am just a show, me should really just relax."

>JOEL:  I am Joel Robinson, former employee of the Gizmonics Institute.  My
>       boss, Dr. Clayton Forrester, sent me into space in September 1989 simply
>       because he didn't like me.  He did experiments by showing me these real
>       cheesy movies and me and the bots would make comments about them.  I
>       escaped from the Satellite in late 1993 only to be found by Dr. Forrest-
>       er and shot back in 1995.
>
>MIKE:  I am Mike Nelson, former employee of the Gizmonics Institute. 

MIKE: Yeah, for one whole day before they conked me on the noggin!

>When Joel
>       escaped, I was shot up to replace him.
>
>CROW:  I am Crow T. Robot.  That is all.
>

TOM: You wish to remain anonymous?
CROW: I wish to be left alone.

>TOM:  I am Tom Servo and I was created by Joel.  Actually, all four of us
>      robots were created by Joel.
>
>CROW:  And up near the ceiling is Cambot.  He doesn't speak.
>
>(Cambot nods to Bytor)
>
>BYTOR:  I see.  Mr. Robinson, I hope you don't mind, but we are taking the
>	liberty of making your craft a bit more spaceworthy.  We are a scout
>	ship on a very important mission for the Dominion.  It's top secret
>	and it would not be very good for Dominion security if you stay here.
>

MIKE: Yeah.  We'd fall asleep from boredom, and then the Assembly would 
     ream us.

>(The conference room doors open and Gypsy slinks through)
>
>JOEL, MIKE, BOTS:  GYPSY!!
>
>GYPSY:  Hi everyone!  Is it really the 24th Cantury??
>

TOM: And a half.

>JOEL:  Yes it is.
>
>TOM:  We were rescued from certain doom!  Aliens to the left!  Aliens to the
>      right!
>
>MIKE:  Pipe down, Tom, it was only 1 hostile ship easily defeated by this one.
>

MIKE: Hey!  I thought I was still asleep when they attacked!
CROW: Shh...you weren't supposed to notice.

>GYPSY:  Oooh...sounds exciting!
>

MIKE: Sure does, but I missed the whole thing.  I had to babysit.

>JOEL:  Ready to go back to the Satellite...it has propulsion now.
>
>CROW:  Yeah, we can't stay here....top secret stuff and all.
>
>SAMMS (entering):  Well, your ship is all ready to go!  
>
>(Mike, Joel, and the bots go to the teleportation pads)
>

TOM [Picard voice]: This is your favorite transporter room, isn't it, 
     Chief?

>BYTOR:  Porting 6....standby
>
>GYPSY:  Bye!
>
>JOEL:  Thanks for recuing us.
>

MIKE: Yeah.  Boy, when the VCR ate my Akira tape, I thought I was done for.
     But you re-cued it, no sweat -- _and_ saved the Haunting Akira Theme!

>BYTOR:  No problem..and you should have enough food to last you about 10 years.
>
>(Tom whispers something in Bytor's ear)
>
>BYTOR:  No, Mr. Servo, there is no liver on board.
>
CROW: And what'm I?  Chopped liver?
TOM: The Chopped Liver Monster from the planet Zabar!

>TOM:  Good!  That was all we had to eat before Joel and Mike were frozen.
>
>BYTOR:  Godspeed to you!  And remember you always have friends in the Dominion!
>

TOM: Especially if Nagus Zek sent you!

>MIKE:  Good bye!
>
>(Joel, Mike, and the bots port back to the Satellite Of Love)
>
>CROW:  Well, here we are, back again...just the 6 of us
>
>TOM:  Just like it all started!  It just makes you feel all warm inside.  Wait!
>      Is it?  Could it be?  Yes it's CLICHED HAPPY ENDING TIME!!!!
>

TOM: Well, at least we know, no matter how dumb things get...
CROW: ...we can still recognize their dumbness...
MIKE: ...even when _we're_ dumb.

>JOEL:  I hear you, Tom!
>
>GYPSY:  Group hug!!
>

TOM [Genie voice]: Can I kiss the monkey?
MIKE: Ooh!  Hairball!

>(Joel, Mike, and the bots engage in a group hug)
>
>MIKE:  And who knows where we are headed next........
>

TOM: Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Usenet?
MIKE: I'd say alt.fan.mst3k.fiction, but that's just me.

>
>
>Who knows indeed?  Keep watching the net to see new Mystery Science Theater
>Adventures aboard the Satellite Of Love as it travels through the Milky Way of
>the 24th Century.  What dangers await our travellers in our next episode???
>
>COMING SOON TO MSTA:
>
>#102 -- Wheel In The Sky
>	Mike becomes a contestant on a game show on Tantalus-III where the
>	winners win big, and the losers lose their lunch.....and their lives!
>

MIKE: Pay bills!  Win the lottery on your way to PAYDAY!

>#103 -- The Dark Half
>	After a sleep of almost 380 years, Crow's evil twin brother Timmy
>	returns to cause more havok aboard the Satellite Of Love!!
>

CROW: Good for him.  Maybe he'll kill us and end this fiasco.

>
>****************************************************************************************
>*  From:  gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu / kdays1@ithaca.edu            
           * *									                                     *
>*  Mortimer Gomez Addams  (Always look on the bright side of DEATH!!)     
          * *									                                     *
>*  Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended           *
*  for profit, but only for fun reading.  Any similarity to real persons,                           *
*  living or dead, is unintentional.					                                     *
*									                                     *
*  Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and  *
*  Michael J. Nelson.   Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions          *
*									                                     *
*  All other characters created by Kevin M. Days -- Copyright 1994	                         *
*									                                     *
*  Mystery Science Theater Adventures -- "A New Beginning" -- C 1994                  *
>****************************************************************************************

TOM: How come he didn't put include marks on the signature?
MIKE: Maybe the newsreader is buggy.

[Afterpiece.  The SoL.]

TOM: Is it over?
MIKE: No.  The Mads sent us this list of the later episode titles.  Looks 
     like they start bringing back _more_ characters.
CROW: Let me see!
MIKE: Better yet, I'll read it off.  "Deep Space 13" (descendants of the 
     Mads), "The Return of Dr. Erhardt" -- who?
TOM: Before your time.
MIKE: "Design for Dreaming"...ah, Nuveena...
CROW: Drool on your own time, Mike.
MIKE: "Torgo: Knees of Fate"...

[brief strains of the Haunting Torgo Theme]

MIKE: and..."Gamera Is Made of Meat"!
TOM: What else can we say?
CROW: How about "Goodnight"?
--
Austin Loomis,aloomis@whale.st.usm.edu,70415.1160@compuserve.com
"It's been sur-real..."
	-- Gogo Dodo

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 and its related characters and situations are 
trademarks of and (c) copyright 1994 by Best Brains, Inc.  All rights 
reserved.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes 
only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by 
Best Brains Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Austin George Loomis - aloomis@whale.st.usm.edu

Go back to John's MST3K Page.